I must be an idiot!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Littleton, Co.
Posts: 3,317
I must be an idiot!
I became a member of SR in 2007 and had great success here, stayed sober for over 5 years.
I have recently separated from my husband, and in the process of divorce. This actually a very good thing, no looking back on my part. I have been with my new boyfriend for almost 1 year, he moved here to Colorado from Florida after meeting on fb. My husband had been seeing 2 young women for over a year by then and wanted to stay married and live in an open relationship. I decided I couldn't do that and moved on.
I don't know if it was all this stress that made me pick back up 4 months ago or not. My thought process behind it was "it's been 5 years, I can handle it now".
I have turned into a nasty drunk and when I'm drunk I am so mean to my boyfriend that treats me like gold and who I love very much. A couple of days ago he came home to me after I had drank one of those BIG bottles of wine on my own in 3 hours, I almost lost him because of it. I don't remember a thing but I hurt him very badly with the things I was saying and was even hitting him. That's when I knew what an idiot I was for ever picking up again. I have to stop because I don't want to lose or hurt him or myself.
He seems to think I'm taking it to extremes and reminds me how sometimes I can go out and have 1 glass of wine and be good with that. Little does he know I have had vodka stashed and have been drinking out of it every day.
I really need some help and this is where I found it before, I can't go on like this.
I have recently separated from my husband, and in the process of divorce. This actually a very good thing, no looking back on my part. I have been with my new boyfriend for almost 1 year, he moved here to Colorado from Florida after meeting on fb. My husband had been seeing 2 young women for over a year by then and wanted to stay married and live in an open relationship. I decided I couldn't do that and moved on.
I don't know if it was all this stress that made me pick back up 4 months ago or not. My thought process behind it was "it's been 5 years, I can handle it now".
I have turned into a nasty drunk and when I'm drunk I am so mean to my boyfriend that treats me like gold and who I love very much. A couple of days ago he came home to me after I had drank one of those BIG bottles of wine on my own in 3 hours, I almost lost him because of it. I don't remember a thing but I hurt him very badly with the things I was saying and was even hitting him. That's when I knew what an idiot I was for ever picking up again. I have to stop because I don't want to lose or hurt him or myself.
He seems to think I'm taking it to extremes and reminds me how sometimes I can go out and have 1 glass of wine and be good with that. Little does he know I have had vodka stashed and have been drinking out of it every day.
I really need some help and this is where I found it before, I can't go on like this.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 1,242
Hey ((()))
Sorry youve slipped back, its a rough ride after a period of sobriety, I think you know the answer, as with most alcoholics, it has to be abstinence, moderation has gone, so if theres no off switch there can be no on....
L x
Sorry youve slipped back, its a rough ride after a period of sobriety, I think you know the answer, as with most alcoholics, it has to be abstinence, moderation has gone, so if theres no off switch there can be no on....
L x
I could see peace instead of this
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada, eh
Posts: 2,360
After 30 years of mostly contented sobriety, but the last 10 of those years not going to meetings, I also had the brilliant thought, "it's been 30 years, I can handle it now."
I've been drinking a year and a half, and it's gradually getting more and more out of control. A few weeks ago, my husband told me I got mean with him, and I don't remember any of it.
I'm looking for outside support like I've found on here, and may even consider going back to meetings again. Like I said before, I want my sober life back. I think you've come to the right place, too.
I've been drinking a year and a half, and it's gradually getting more and more out of control. A few weeks ago, my husband told me I got mean with him, and I don't remember any of it.
I'm looking for outside support like I've found on here, and may even consider going back to meetings again. Like I said before, I want my sober life back. I think you've come to the right place, too.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Welcome back TM. Hopefully this is a good remember when for us which you know does NOT have to be repeated if we get honest with ourselves about our drinking. I had many repeated reruns and felt miserable as a result. The obvious key is not drinking one day at a time, then we start getting better. BE WELL
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
I remember you well. 
I'm glad you came back for our help and support. Stay close to us now and we can help you get and stay sober. I'm sorry for your circumstances but it's good to see you again and know you're trying again. You did it before, you can do it again! Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: State of Acceptance
Posts: 756
Dear Toomutch, I am sorry and not sure if "welcome back" is appropriate here... I have read many stories as of late where people have had years of sobriety under their belt and then... BOOM! To think after 5 years, the beast can resurface without warning and come back with a vengeance. Hang in there... This too shall pass...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
I had 13 years of being clean and sober and then the divorce "process" started....and so did my drinking. My "relapse" lasted 8 years. Now I have 9 months. The blackouts became intense towards the end and I was a mean mean mean drunk. I'm sorry you are going through the divorce but don't let it be an excuse to drink. I'm glad you are back on SR and thinking about support.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 579
Hello, Toomutch. I know what you mean about the meanness. I used to think I was a "happy drunk". My family corrected me on that. In fact, getting mean is probably the thing I hate most about drinking, causing me more remorse than the physical pains. I know I have a better self, and I know you do, too. Welcome back to SR.
Doing Business Since 11/3/2012
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,143
Good for you getting back here so soon. It took me 7 more years to get back after being sober for 7 years. Now I have 10 months. No point waiting any longer. Sounds like you know what you need to do and how to do it. One day at a time.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 355
Ouch. I lost about 5 years thinking I could "handle it". I'm sorry to hear you slipped, but I know exactly where you're at. Start the fight again. We know that what's on the other side is worth the work!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,373
Welcome back S
No, you're not an idiot- I'd imagine, new life, new partner - noone wants to be different or look different, it would have been easy to fall for the siren song.
I really believe tho that alcoholism is for keeps. There's no remission, no going back.
Those times when we do manage to drink responsibly are good luck not good management.
Unfortunately it's those few times that we remember over the many many bad times when we did not manage so well.
You did well the last time you were here - I can't see why you can't do well again
D
No, you're not an idiot- I'd imagine, new life, new partner - noone wants to be different or look different, it would have been easy to fall for the siren song.
I really believe tho that alcoholism is for keeps. There's no remission, no going back.
Those times when we do manage to drink responsibly are good luck not good management.
Unfortunately it's those few times that we remember over the many many bad times when we did not manage so well.
You did well the last time you were here - I can't see why you can't do well again
D
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,470
Welcome back, and I remember you well, too!
Sadly this disease just waits patiently and jumps right back in if we let it. You know that you can stop drinking and stay sober, so hopefully visiting SR will help you get through this.
Sadly this disease just waits patiently and jumps right back in if we let it. You know that you can stop drinking and stay sober, so hopefully visiting SR will help you get through this.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,526
Me too! I remember you Toomutch.
I did a similar thing - had 3 yrs. sober & picked back up again when I met someone new (who didn't know I had been through hell with alcohol). I tried desperately to be a social drinker, but I crashed & burned very quickly and had a hell of a time getting back off it. I'm so glad you came back to tell your story - and to regain your sobriety. No doubt you can do it TM! We are here to help.
I did a similar thing - had 3 yrs. sober & picked back up again when I met someone new (who didn't know I had been through hell with alcohol). I tried desperately to be a social drinker, but I crashed & burned very quickly and had a hell of a time getting back off it. I'm so glad you came back to tell your story - and to regain your sobriety. No doubt you can do it TM! We are here to help.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: SoCal, California
Posts: 990
My first time meeting you. I had five years sober and then started the slippery slope a couple years ago and have been working towards a sober life.
I did it before and I will do it again - and this time it's going to stick.
Join me!
I did it before and I will do it again - and this time it's going to stick.
Join me!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
