Relapsed
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 924
Relapsed
So...I just celebrated my 50th birthday in some really great ways. I also dodged a bullet that I shot with my own hand.
My phone broke several days ago and so I reconnected an old phone while I wait for my replacement. I was laughing with a friend at work about the old text messages and ring tones that were somewhat haunting, and my friend joked about having ex-boyfriend msgs there...and...I kid you not, in that very moment my exABF texted me a happy birthday message. Freaky timing. Trigger.
Then two days later I was heading back into town after a job on my way to a concert and I TEXTED him...I INVITED him to come meet me at the concert!!
I know I was getting all kinds of triggers. His bday text was one of them, as well as having seen his old messages on the phone and even hearing the old incoming notification sound on the phone. Also I was going to see a musician that we had seen together, and I was feeling a little lonely during my birthday week...not having any "romance" in my life since we split 20 months ago. There were a lot of things about him that I adored...how it felt to see concerts with him was one detail...and I got triggered.
It occurred to me, yet again, how similar addiction and codependency are, how an addict can be around places that totally trigger their using...and that I had found myself in the exact same way. Luckily for me he was busy with his son. I ignored the return message and stayed close to my friends at the show...but I missed him.
I just felt the need to share. Maybe just to acknowledge that letting go can be a long process...
My phone broke several days ago and so I reconnected an old phone while I wait for my replacement. I was laughing with a friend at work about the old text messages and ring tones that were somewhat haunting, and my friend joked about having ex-boyfriend msgs there...and...I kid you not, in that very moment my exABF texted me a happy birthday message. Freaky timing. Trigger.
Then two days later I was heading back into town after a job on my way to a concert and I TEXTED him...I INVITED him to come meet me at the concert!!
I know I was getting all kinds of triggers. His bday text was one of them, as well as having seen his old messages on the phone and even hearing the old incoming notification sound on the phone. Also I was going to see a musician that we had seen together, and I was feeling a little lonely during my birthday week...not having any "romance" in my life since we split 20 months ago. There were a lot of things about him that I adored...how it felt to see concerts with him was one detail...and I got triggered.
It occurred to me, yet again, how similar addiction and codependency are, how an addict can be around places that totally trigger their using...and that I had found myself in the exact same way. Luckily for me he was busy with his son. I ignored the return message and stayed close to my friends at the show...but I missed him.
I just felt the need to share. Maybe just to acknowledge that letting go can be a long process...
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
It happens to the best of us, Leslie. When I go back to Toronto I am very careful of where I go and how hard I look because I see things that trigger me too and just make me sad. I have friends there still and visit once or twice a year, but I prepare myself and watch what I am doing.
What you did was impulsive and in the end it didn't lead to anything bad, but it reminded you to remain diligent and have a backup plan when loneliness hits.
And...belated happy happy birthday! May this year be filled with new dreams and wonderful blessings.
Special wishes for a very special lady. :day1
What you did was impulsive and in the end it didn't lead to anything bad, but it reminded you to remain diligent and have a backup plan when loneliness hits.
And...belated happy happy birthday! May this year be filled with new dreams and wonderful blessings.
Special wishes for a very special lady. :day1
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