Advice for hubby just starting- to socialise or not
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 1
Advice for hubby just starting- to socialise or not
Hi - Myself and hubby have joined this forum as he has realised he has a problem with alcohol. He had been to 2 Aa meetings and plans to go to one weekly, maybe forever, maybe not, but he is very positive and hasn't had a drink for 2 weeks, when he used to drink (almost) daily.
He is now trying to plan his future and like many is worried about social events. We do not want people knowing he has a problem, so currently we are using the 'designated driver' or he is ill, but we have two annual events coming up that are purely centred around lots of family and friends and lots of alcohol.
The decision is, does he not go, and risk not seeing a lot if his family and friends? Or does he go and risk having an awful time or even worse being do tempted he drinks?
He also is confused as to whether he will ever be able to drink again, like a glass of wine with a meal etc? Do people with alcohol problems all have to give up completely?
Any advice/guidance would be great.
A loving wife xxxx
He is now trying to plan his future and like many is worried about social events. We do not want people knowing he has a problem, so currently we are using the 'designated driver' or he is ill, but we have two annual events coming up that are purely centred around lots of family and friends and lots of alcohol.
The decision is, does he not go, and risk not seeing a lot if his family and friends? Or does he go and risk having an awful time or even worse being do tempted he drinks?
He also is confused as to whether he will ever be able to drink again, like a glass of wine with a meal etc? Do people with alcohol problems all have to give up completely?
Any advice/guidance would be great.
A loving wife xxxx
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Hey **** ,
I found complete abstinance the only way to control my drinking , i really tried hard to control it for 10 to 15 years but couldn't do it . i always ended up in a mess .
For me i tend not to discus my drinking , i just say, i gave up , if pushed, i gave up becuse i didn't like the hangovers now i'm getting older, i used to be able to handle them as a youngster but nowdays even one give me a headache for 12 hours , so for me i just can't do it anymore .
Bestwishes, m
I found complete abstinance the only way to control my drinking , i really tried hard to control it for 10 to 15 years but couldn't do it . i always ended up in a mess .
For me i tend not to discus my drinking , i just say, i gave up , if pushed, i gave up becuse i didn't like the hangovers now i'm getting older, i used to be able to handle them as a youngster but nowdays even one give me a headache for 12 hours , so for me i just can't do it anymore .
Bestwishes, m
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Nutmegger
Posts: 1,799
Hi ****! Alcoholism is a progressive disease, it can be arrested but not reversed. Every time we drink the disease continues its progression. Congratulations on reaching out for help. Learning about alcoholism is important as you begin this journey. One of the most powerful tools is to know that you are not alone. The isolation that occurs for a lot of us is one of the most horrible parts of this disease.
You will see a lot of discussion about moderation here. Most people who abuse alcohol have tried just about everything in an effort to drink "normally". Most of us have all had periods where we could control it, however, alcoholism is a disease of "more". After we take the first drink all bets are off, and that is why you hear the tragic stories of people who lose a lot of things that are dear to them because of drinking. It is not what you drink, it is not how much you drink, it is what happens when you do drink. You will hear alcoholics compared to pickles, we can never go back to being cucumbers again. Once we have gotten to a certain point our brain chemistry is such that consumption of any alcohol puts us in jeopardy.
There is no real typical alcoholic. Many of us are high functioning and productive members of society, and deal with these demons behind closed doors. For most people who are successful in recovery, abstinence is the solution. Learning to be sober is a journey, and it is not always easy. You are among friends, we share our experiences, trials and successes...welcome!
You will see a lot of discussion about moderation here. Most people who abuse alcohol have tried just about everything in an effort to drink "normally". Most of us have all had periods where we could control it, however, alcoholism is a disease of "more". After we take the first drink all bets are off, and that is why you hear the tragic stories of people who lose a lot of things that are dear to them because of drinking. It is not what you drink, it is not how much you drink, it is what happens when you do drink. You will hear alcoholics compared to pickles, we can never go back to being cucumbers again. Once we have gotten to a certain point our brain chemistry is such that consumption of any alcohol puts us in jeopardy.
There is no real typical alcoholic. Many of us are high functioning and productive members of society, and deal with these demons behind closed doors. For most people who are successful in recovery, abstinence is the solution. Learning to be sober is a journey, and it is not always easy. You are among friends, we share our experiences, trials and successes...welcome!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 355
Originally Posted by Baba224 
He also is confused as to whether he will ever be able to drink again, like a glass of wine with a meal etc?
As far as friends and social gatherings. He needs to evaluate how strong he is feeling. And perhaps be willing to take off early if he gets uncomfortable. He's got you, so that's a huge plus
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
I did not go to things for a while where alcohol would be a focus or a main ingredient.
I still consider that a wise investment I made in my recovery - there were other parties and get together when I felt stronger later on and I knew nothing or noone would sway me.
Until that time, I made other dates to stay in touch with friends - coffee, pizza, hobbies - there's no need to be a hermit - just takes a little imagination
D
I still consider that a wise investment I made in my recovery - there were other parties and get together when I felt stronger later on and I knew nothing or noone would sway me.
Until that time, I made other dates to stay in touch with friends - coffee, pizza, hobbies - there's no need to be a hermit - just takes a little imagination
D
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome to Sober Recovery. Best wishes for your husband's sobriety.
Tell him to get a sponsor and work the steps. If he is thinking about drinking, he's not convinced he's an alcoholic.
Originally Posted by Baba224
He had been to 2 Aa meetings and plans to go to one weekly, maybe forever, maybe not, but he is very positive and hasn't had a drink for 2 weeks, when he used to drink (almost) daily.
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Somewhere in Wisconsin
Posts: 661
'we have two annual events coming up that are purely centred around lots of family and friends and lots of alcohol.'
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When are the events scheduled? You don't have to make a decision in the very near future do you? I would wait until it gets closer to the dates of the events and see how strong he is in his sobriety before deciding whether to go or not. I missed two major events this summer because I didn't want to risk my sobriety. I didn't trust myself to have the willpower to resist. Those same events will be around next year There's always next year when I most likely will be strong enough to attend.
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When are the events scheduled? You don't have to make a decision in the very near future do you? I would wait until it gets closer to the dates of the events and see how strong he is in his sobriety before deciding whether to go or not. I missed two major events this summer because I didn't want to risk my sobriety. I didn't trust myself to have the willpower to resist. Those same events will be around next year There's always next year when I most likely will be strong enough to attend.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
It might be a good idea for your husband to post on the boards with his questions, too.
I stayed away from alcohol-related events for many months and I'm very glad I did. I don't advocate lying about not drinking. I have found that a simple 'No, thanks' is adequate. It's not necessary to give an explanation.
I stayed away from alcohol-related events for many months and I'm very glad I did. I don't advocate lying about not drinking. I have found that a simple 'No, thanks' is adequate. It's not necessary to give an explanation.
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