Two Years Today
That bell or bike person
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Two Years Today
I'm not looking for congratulations . I just wanted all of those people with day one threads today to know , two years ago . i was there .
I drank two bottles of wine a night , 3 to 5L of wine at the weekend or two 1L bottles of spirits . I used to shake , i used to feel sweaty all the time , i had heart arrhythmia, my trips to the toilet were explosive , i ached , i was a complete self centerd jerk, i was killing this miracle of a body and squandering the time of my life .
On the morning of sep 3rd 2011 , i fundamentaly accepted i was an alcoholic , i accepted that if i carried on it would kill me , no doubt ... and probably sooner than later with a blood pressure of 180/120 on hangover mornings .
I'd drunk that amount for at least 10 years . I could have days or even a few weeks off when stand-by for work beconed , but eventually once i had free time and money drinking would get to those levels quite swiftly .
I'd always sufferd from depression and only relaized i wanted to live a few years before ...5 or 6 years ago , not with any great enthusiasm but more as am acceptance of even if i'm an alcoholic and a complete failiure at everything i'd ever set myself to , i was going to play the cards delt to me by life fully and see it all through, play my part in the world , hell or heaven .
So anyhow back to the 3rd of sept 2011 , i realized the pain it had caused , it was causing , my Gran had died on the 1st of sept and i was only interested in how i could turn it into an excuse for a massive binge .. I knew i was an alcoholic a long time before probably in 1998 or so , accepting it took that long .
Accepting i would do anything, ANYTHING to stop it happend on the morning of the 3rd including if needed, asking my mum to put me in a straight jacket or getting handcuffed or restrained , giving up my job , moving to easter island or the artic . Also i had the thought if i don't do it now and mean it then when will i do it ? how much more of my life do i let go by in drunken turmoil ?
I also did a prayer to what or whomever was listening for help . I went and made a cup of coffee and realized i need never drink again if i didn't want to .
I haven't drank since .
There were cravings , there were withdrawls , there were some PAWS effects .
These days life is pritty peaceful and comfortable , i'm not depressed any more , life is worth living , sucess or failiure , up's or down's . i accept my own death is rushing towards me and my lovely parents even sooner .
I have no arguments , there are hastles but i know i can deal with stuff , there will be pain but i know i can bear it . For other unmanageable stuff i just accept it and see where i stand .
I hope you all get and stay sober my sweet fellow druggers and drinkers .
Life is painful sometimes , sometimes it hurts but it is also glorious and filled with wonder .
Bestwishes, m
I drank two bottles of wine a night , 3 to 5L of wine at the weekend or two 1L bottles of spirits . I used to shake , i used to feel sweaty all the time , i had heart arrhythmia, my trips to the toilet were explosive , i ached , i was a complete self centerd jerk, i was killing this miracle of a body and squandering the time of my life .
On the morning of sep 3rd 2011 , i fundamentaly accepted i was an alcoholic , i accepted that if i carried on it would kill me , no doubt ... and probably sooner than later with a blood pressure of 180/120 on hangover mornings .
I'd drunk that amount for at least 10 years . I could have days or even a few weeks off when stand-by for work beconed , but eventually once i had free time and money drinking would get to those levels quite swiftly .
I'd always sufferd from depression and only relaized i wanted to live a few years before ...5 or 6 years ago , not with any great enthusiasm but more as am acceptance of even if i'm an alcoholic and a complete failiure at everything i'd ever set myself to , i was going to play the cards delt to me by life fully and see it all through, play my part in the world , hell or heaven .
So anyhow back to the 3rd of sept 2011 , i realized the pain it had caused , it was causing , my Gran had died on the 1st of sept and i was only interested in how i could turn it into an excuse for a massive binge .. I knew i was an alcoholic a long time before probably in 1998 or so , accepting it took that long .
Accepting i would do anything, ANYTHING to stop it happend on the morning of the 3rd including if needed, asking my mum to put me in a straight jacket or getting handcuffed or restrained , giving up my job , moving to easter island or the artic . Also i had the thought if i don't do it now and mean it then when will i do it ? how much more of my life do i let go by in drunken turmoil ?
I also did a prayer to what or whomever was listening for help . I went and made a cup of coffee and realized i need never drink again if i didn't want to .
I haven't drank since .
There were cravings , there were withdrawls , there were some PAWS effects .
These days life is pritty peaceful and comfortable , i'm not depressed any more , life is worth living , sucess or failiure , up's or down's . i accept my own death is rushing towards me and my lovely parents even sooner .
I have no arguments , there are hastles but i know i can deal with stuff , there will be pain but i know i can bear it . For other unmanageable stuff i just accept it and see where i stand .
I hope you all get and stay sober my sweet fellow druggers and drinkers .
Life is painful sometimes , sometimes it hurts but it is also glorious and filled with wonder .
Bestwishes, m
for your wisdom, mecanix.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
Originally Posted by mecanix 
I'm not looking for congratulations . I just wanted all of those people with day one threads today to know , two years ago . i was there .
but instead a big kudo. Your posts have stimulated and helped me many times.OK, no congratulations...but what about a big slice of cake?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: State of Acceptance
Posts: 756
Originally Posted by mecanix
I also did a prayer to what or whomever was listening for help . I went and made a cup of coffee and realized i need never drink again if i didn't want to .
I haven't drank since .
I haven't drank since .
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
You have the right to ask for no congratulations, but we also have the right to ignore that and say CONGRATULATIONS anyway! And i'd also reinforce the idea that sobriety lives inside each and every one of us. We just have to decide to let it out. Enjoy your day and thanks for all your help around here at SR!
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