recoveryninja

According to the AMA, addiction is a brain disease because physiological changes occur in the brain's primitive reward system caused by repeated ingestion of drugs of abuse ("drugs" to include alcohol of course). That's why so many argue that once you have ventured into the realm of physical withdrawal (or not, in the case of cocaine), an addict no longer has a choice whether to use or not, because the drug of choice is recognized in the cerebellum as a necessary means for survival. No wonder so many of us place our DOC above basic survival mechanisms such as food, water, and reproduction. Our unconscious, primitive brain thinks if we don't use or drink, we will die (in the case of ETOH and benzos this is actually fact) even though our frontal lobe is telling us we are destroying ourselves and our families. Hence "I can't believe I'm forging this check to get high!" then we go ahead and do it.

That is all well and good. We take solace in the fact that we have a chronic illness in lieu of a moral deficiency. But alas, this leaves an immense window of opportunity for procrastination and finger pointing. OF COURSE I CAN'T STOP USING, I HAVE A F-ING DISEASE!

Therein lies my breakthrough. The past two years I have been through several detoxes and residential programs, IOPs you name it. Along the way I came across some old timers that told me I DO have a choice, and that I'm using the disease concept as a way to free myself of the responsibility to TREAT my disease. At first I did not respond well. I have done a LOT of horrendous, disgusting things in the past when I needed a fix. What's yours is mine and what's mine is mine. And here is this guy with 40 years clean telling me my logic is nothing more than a lousy excuse.

The breakthrough: We do NOT choose whether or not we have the disease of addiction. However we DO choose whether or not we treat our disease properly. Compare addiction to obesity, also a disease. You have no say whether or not you are genetically predisposed, but you have a choice as to how you treat it- exercise and diet, or a mouthful of donuts.

Just for Today- I will accept responsibility for my actions and do my best to CUT THE BS.

DayTrader

Well said....and God bless that (those) old timer(s) who gave it to you in a form you could understand.

The disease concept, using it as an excuse, power vs powerlessness and how that fits in with responsibility........those are all thing EVERYone struggles with when they're new to AA.

Congrats on crossing THAT bridge.

And let it be a reminder to you going forward. You're going to hear and be asked/challenged to do a lot of things in working the AA program that won't make sense and you probably won't want to do. The steps are simple but they're not easy. They're very challenging. It helped me to remember that at one time, X didn't make sense so I did what I felt like but ended up drinking again. Now, Y doesn't make sense......so I have a decision to make. I can do what the program asks even though I don't understand it and don't like it ...OR...I can do what I feel like. Doing what I felt like usually had the same result - drinking. So it seems like the smartest choice would be to do what the program is asking me to do since I don't want to continue back down the path I'd always end up on in the past.

ScottFromWI

I would agree 100%. While i don't use AA, I absolutely feel that the only reason I finally got on the real path to sobriety was because I CHOSE to do so. For everyone who is struggling it's very important to know I think that deep down in your brain, you still hold the power to make that choice. No matter what anyone tells you or what studies you read, you still have that power.

jkb

Great post. I only had success with quitting when I accepted total and complete responsibility for my decisions. Like you said I cant help that I have the "disease of alcoholism" but, I can choose not to drink.

bigsombrero

Good post. Took me a while to be able to admit that getting sober wasn't enough - I had to take on the responsibility of monitoring and treating this disease. As Craig Ferguson said in his great monologue on alcoholism: "If you're a person with a kidney disease, it's not your fault: but you still have the responsibility to get yourself to dialysis treatments".

Right now I admittedly still struggle with the "it's not fair" syndrome. I think it's all part of the grieving process, the learning process, etc. I'm a year sober but still often get angry that normal people don't understand what this is like. It often takes a lot of will and discipline just to get through one day - let alone work, be productive, contribute, socialize, etc.

I know this is my burden to carry, I've accepted it. Now, just like someone who is born with a disability, I have to move forward and live with it. Thanks for the post, I'm trying and I know that by continuing my vigilance, peace will eventually come.

55438

Great post RN! I too struggled with the conundrum that 'believing I was powerless' and 'needing to change my behavior' created. I respect and acknowledge that AA works for many, not for me. I found AVRT and found peace.

Here praying for a sober day for all who desire it.

S.

AlefVavResh

brilliant! Thank you.

Nuudawn

For me..ya...addiction is very much a dis-ease of my mind. Addiction has the ability to hijack your thinking. But I very much agree with Scott, your "self" can save you. I did a whole lot of reading on brain chemistry and how it relates to addiction...so much so, I almost defeated myself in thinking...I've messed my brain up so bad that my only hope is that clinic in Tijuana that intravenously provides amino acids for like 10 days to rebalance my chemistry. Well...turns out I was able to sober up before booking that trip to Tijuana.

Never discount the power of divine intervention.

13unluckyforsom

I have to agree with this too - my biological mother had addiction issues - so im guessing that's where I get the gene but I firmly believe that you have got to want it to get it and to keep it you've got to keep at it! (Listen to me expert after 16 days sober HAHAHAHA) I might be full of **** but that's how I see it for me. I had to want to get sober for me - any other time it was because of other people nagging at me etc but this time it was me who said enoughs enough now.

hypochondriac

Perfect explanation recoveryninja The way I see it the excuses and the rationalisations are part of the illness. I don't go in much for the disease theory because I feel like it can reinforce the feeling of helplessness, but I do go in for the idea that only another alcoholic can help us. No one else can cut through the BS as well, and we wouldn't listen to it from anyone else.

lizw

That is so true. I got told I could not change the fact I had a disease but I could choose to take different actions to treat it rather than feed it.

I also have to say once I believed I was only drinking and using drugs to overcome a illness/compulsion I actually had no control over a lot of the head stuff that went along with should I drink or use started to faded or go into it's proper perspective.

I thought I was the way I was because I wanted to be that way. It sort of grossed me out that all this stuff I had been putting into myself was not out of choice.