Pearlygirl

Hi, I am a housewife/mother of three: 12 yr old boy, 10 yr old b, 5 yr old girl. She just learned to ride her bike today without training wheels! She is so proud. I have struggled for so many years with my temper, mood swings, hormones and just being stable in general. My poor kids and husband have endured me, rages and depression I'm trying to raise my kids with discipline and respect but I would always end up screaming and shaming them. I character asasanate so badly. It has grieved me tremendously how I have hurt them and has been my desperate prayer that I change and not be so full of rage because of how I hurt my kids. I would cry and beg God with tears to change my hard heart. With so many years of struggle I started to become cynical and angry at God because I was not changing. I was though but it wasn't making a difference in my parenting. I guess I was just not ready yet. I started to wonder if my tobacco use and drinking had kept me from growing past my endless string of failures. I quit using tobacco in an effort to improve my character but then my drinking went way up after that. I felt the Lord speaking to me one morning, the scripture that if you foot causes you to sin, cut it off, and if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out. For it is better for you to live life lame than to cause one of these little ones to sin (suffer). I knew then I had to quit. Even though I had cut myself down to about 3 and a half a night my life was foggy, i felt so lost and kept sinking to new levels of frustration and resentment.. All my prayers He had heard, I quit that day, August 22nd, and haven't even desired a drink since. If I decide to think about it, how it tastes or the feeling, I'm sure that I would, but I won't let my mind go there, I have definitely had withdrawls, I have felt awful, but no desires. So things have been better though, much less of a temper and a clear head, but still in so unhappy because I don't know why my kids are so insecure and unhappy and don't listen. But in church (can I talk about God? ) I finally understood that the kids CAN handle me, the past and discipline. When I gave them the consequences they needed out of love, they would melt down. I would always wimp out when they cry and scream. I would scream back because somehow I expected them to see that they needed it. But discipline isn't pleasant. I would think that I was damaging them, scarring them and when they reacted that way I would either cave, or if I didn't cave, I wouldn't discipline the same the next time, I hated to see them suffer. But I would suffer for not giving them the consistent discipline they needed. So today I followed through. He did something that deserved a strike. Three strikes means no video games or TV and going to bed an hour early. Then the tears the yelling, he says that I'm hurting his feelings (some bad kid, huh?) He is warned to stop yelling at me or he will earn more strikes, but of course he keeps it up and gets all of them. I still yell back and send him to his room until he has a better attitude. Later we talk and he says he knows he deserved them. I told him that I am sorry for yelling but I am not removing any strikes. He WAS able to process it and still be happy. We had a great day. Now I know that they are not made of glass, that we will all be okay. I had clarity because I quit drinking. I could hear the divine guiding me, helping me. We are all on this journey, pain has a purpose and when we numb it, we cant see how we are causing it, and we can't see our way out. I don't know if I'm an alcoholic or not. Growing up my Mom was when she was single. Loneliness caused it. Everything was fine when she was married. I love to drink, so maybe that means I am? Maybe I am in the begining stages, I took an online assesment that said I was, so It is good that I quit. So I was thinking from the begining that I would quit for three months and then only drink on special occasions. But now I'm feeling so glad that I quit, I'm afraid that if I do, I could get sucked into it again. This isn't the only time that I have quit. So I guess I don't know where to go from here. Any feedback?? Wish the best for you all.

least

to SR! Child rearing is hard enough without adding drinking to the mix. I hope we can help you to stay sober.

ExWinoMom

I have children too (2.5year old and 5 months old) both boys.
I suffer from guilt too and need my higher powers help with my child rearing.

soberhawk

Hi Pearlygirl,

Welcome to SR.

Kids, horses and sensitive dogs are similar in one aspect they are sensitive to your state of mind – animals probably express that more willingly than kids - “I can hear what you are saying, but I am noticing what you are feeling.”

They do deserve that we stay sober and try to find a balance in ourselves.

My experience is that I am more balanced if I do not drink – I think most people will react that way.

It does take some time to see the result, and I am not there yet this time – but I know it will come.

Take care.

AlefVavResh

PearlyGirl: Only on special occasions didn't work for me. There are so many of them, you know? Fridays, holidays, days when the kids had a breakthrough, days when the kids had a breakdown, Saturdays, day someone was kind to me, day when someone was mean to me, day the neighbor got a promotion, Sundays, a bad day at work, Mondays. . .

Being hostile or absent for my family was my last straw. The lies, the shame. And feeling better has been the great reward. The energy, self-esteem.

You'll make it! But I don't recommend moderation. In fact, if you go back and read old threads, you'll find that 99% of SR members discourage it passionately.

Welcome!