PinotNOmore

...You'd see that I always put others needs before my own. That I am a wonderful mother and wife. That I love animals and cooking and I love my family more than words can ever explain.

If you only knew me you'd know that I was an avid athlete for all of high school and much of college. You'd know that I graduated college with honors and have 3 degrees.

If you only knew me, You'd find me pretty (or I hope you would) and you'd never suspect that I was struggling.

If you only knew me, you'd probably tell me to get a clue, realize how lucky I am and to fix things before they are un-fixable.

If you only knew me, you'd know that I am under 30 years old, a young lady that didn't want and/or ask for this problem and am desperately hoping and praying that one day I'll wake up and not have the desire to drink.

If you only knew me, you'd know I didn't deserve this problem, but I bet no one on this site did either. If you only knew me... you'd know how much I want to be sober, and how hopeless it feels sometimes.

Giving up is not an option. I hate being a downer when all of you have such success stories. Mark my words... I WILL be a success story!

If you only knew me, you'd have no doubt.

Dee74

I believe you can do this Pinot

D

least

I struggled for quite a while before I was able to stop for good, so you see, it is possible.

longbeachone

I may not know you yet, but I know that you have it within you to succeed!

Mentium

Pinot - you sound like one of us 'invisible' alcoholics. I went through life seemingly and outwardly normal on the whole. I probably seemed a bit reserved at times and that was about all that showed. The reserve was usually due to coping with screaming nerves due to too much alcohol swilling around my system.

All the very best in your efforts.

13unluckyforsom

I hope we all get a chance to know you and in turn I hope we can help you in your journey to stay sober.

lorelei

You WILL be a success pnm x

PinotNOmore

Thanks for all your kind words! Feeling hopeful today. Let's hope the feeling sticks around!

HeadLump

And if you knew me, Pinot, you'd know that I am rooting for you

Nuudawn

For me, that is the most telling of all you posted. I think most of us struggle with that one..even when we don't see it. Others people's comfort and opinions seem to hold much more validity than our own. The greatest strength I have found in my recovery is being answerable to my own self and needs. Figuring out what they are and finding new ways to address those things rather than finding all my answers in the drink. Drinking allowed me to tolerate the intolerable (jobs I hated or relationships without genuine connection). It allowed me to escape rather than seek answers. It gave me energy when what I really needed to do was rest. It allowed me to say "yes" to things when I should have said "no".

My own voice...my very self..was buried within my addiction. In sobriety, I am surfacing...and it ain't easy to be true to your self. It is difficult to address your self especially when you have never taken the time to really figure out what you are feeling or what's actually going on within you. Sobriety is very much a discovery of who you really are. It is a brand new relationship..with you..who is often...a stranger.

Ornithology

PinotNOmore thank you for your post, I know you better now. I wish you knew me. I was Captain of the fencing team in college, I race sailboats, my kid goes to private school, and I spent the last 34 years of my life sitting in a chair getting drunk every night because I loved alcohol more than anything else in the entire world. This addiction doesn't care who you are or what you accomplished; it only means you harm.
If I can live out the rest of my life in sobriety I will have achieved my greatest accomplishment.

Nattythreads

Pinot

We've got success stories because we stayed on here and leant on others. If you do that one thing, you'll join us too. Eventually it will stick.

Be strong.

George3334

PinotNOMore, Very thoughtful and eloquent post, and I thank you for sharing. I totally relate to what you are saying and wish you the best!

PrincessJasmine

Beautiful! You will do this!