msquared

I had been dating someone, that I have since learned is a recovering alcoholic. After a month in a half, I ran into a mutual friend that we shared. It was at that point that I learned that my "girlfriend" was a recovering alcoholic. She drank socially each time we went out. Her drinking had destroyed her family. My father was most likely an alcoholic, and suffered for depression. It was not a great childhood.

Here's my problem. There was some erratic behavior, and some early on concerns were explained once I discovered her past bout with alcoholism. She never offered any of her past to me. Shallowly, I had an opportunity to "break up" without ever addressing her past. it was clean, and I didn't want to bring up her past.. My heart tells me this was a mistake, but my upbringing tells me to stay away. I am contemplating trying to reconcile, but I would have to address this. I would never have a drop of alcohol again if we remained together.

Do I stay away, and move on? Is it wrong to say I know of her past? She is sweet, and never abused alcohol in front of me. I do not want to hurt her, but my heart wants her back... Any thoughts?

jaynie04

I am a bit confused. Are you saying that your former girlfriend of 1 1/2 months is an alcoholic who drank socially with you while you were together?

msquared

Yes. Former girlfriend, is drinking socially. I know that is not OK...

BoxinRotz

Unless you want lied to, berated, scorned, belittled, have no trust, have your money taken for booze, secrets, hiding of booze, alienated from family and friends... Do I really need to go on? Yeah... sure... go for it. I'm sure she's good in bed and that always makes it all better... What the hell... she's an alcoholic who likes to have a drink once in awhile. That's what most alcoholics convince themselves of and she'll try to convince you too if you let her. She may even call you a liar if you tell her you know she's an alcoholic. Oh, I'm sorry... a *recovering* alcoholic.

Recovering2

There's your answer. If you go back, you're not dating someone in recovery. You're dating an alcoholic who is still drinking. You saw erratic behavior by the time you were a month and a half into the relationship. If you go back, you're asking for more of the same. She cannot maintain the "social" drinking for too long....A's can't control it.

You broke up, I would offer you let it be and move on. It's healthier for you in the long run.

jaynie04

That is a difficult place to be. If she has a problem and is drinking again, chances are you only know the tip of the iceberg. (I speak from experience...). She might be moderating while in public.

If there have already been ramifications and she is continuing to drink it means she is not at a place yet where recovery is part of her life. It can be really painful to be involved with someone who is active in their addiction. Sadly, if she is not getting help, you are always going to run second place to the bottle. If you were my brother I would be concerned about what you were getting yourself into....it can be very painful to watch someone you care about hurt themselves. And honestly, we become emotionally stunted while we are drinking.

Not to play psychiatrist, but we often recreate situations from our past that feel familiar to us in an effort to carve out a different ending. I would encourage you to talk to people who you trust and respect before you get involved. Loving yourself is a prerequisite to loving anyone else. Good luck!

BoxinRotz

Seriously... this is NOT about whether you have a another drop of alcohol if you continue to pursue her. It's going to come down to whether or not SHE has another drop.

Personally, it doesn't look good for you, and especially her because she's the one feeding the demon.

YOU CAN'T FIX HER!

NWGRITS

An alcoholic in recovery cannot drink. Period. She is still an active alcoholic, and if I were you, I would get as far away from her as possible. It doesn't matter whether you drink around her or not. As long as she is an active A, her first priority is going to be alcohol.