8 month blues
p***enger
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,036
8 month blues
I quit drinking last December. I'm in AA, go to a meeting most days, have a sponsor & talk to her every day, meditate, come here for gratitude & support every day. My sponsor tells me I'm doing great. I feel loony. I feel like I can't keep this up, like it's only a matter of time before I start drinking or using a drug again just to get release from myself, and it will be even worse than before. I'm moody and irritable and I irritate myself most of all.
Is this normal? Is there something I should be doing that I'm not?
Is this normal? Is there something I should be doing that I'm not?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Dudley,Uk
Posts: 1,704
Hey courage fellow one year and under clubber. We have the same sober time I'm just coming up to 9 months and this month has been the worst for me. I have craved like never before. I have been down and depressed and moody so I would say Yeah it is totally normal. I work 80 plus hours a week so even though I crave I know I can't drink and this job means everything to me. Luckily by the time I get home I'm to tired to drink which is also a good thing. All I can suggest is try to stay positive and just don't pick up that first drink....Steve.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 480
Hi Courage,
Does this sound about right: They are restless (unquiet, uneasy, agitated), irritable (grumpy, grouchy, moody) and discontent (absence of contentment, dissatisfaction, not contented or easy of mind) unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks..."?
I don't know where you are in the steps, but it sounds like untreated alcoholism. For many of us, just being 'dry' (not drinking and going to meetings) is not enough. The underlying issue continues to percolate.
The above quote is from The Doctor's Opinion, and later in the paragraph it states: "...unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery." (italics mine)
The steps should bring about this psychic change...does your sponsor have you working the steps?
Does this sound about right: They are restless (unquiet, uneasy, agitated), irritable (grumpy, grouchy, moody) and discontent (absence of contentment, dissatisfaction, not contented or easy of mind) unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks..."?
I don't know where you are in the steps, but it sounds like untreated alcoholism. For many of us, just being 'dry' (not drinking and going to meetings) is not enough. The underlying issue continues to percolate.
The above quote is from The Doctor's Opinion, and later in the paragraph it states: "...unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery." (italics mine)
The steps should bring about this psychic change...does your sponsor have you working the steps?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 13
Yes...this is very normal. Google "Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome," AKA PAWS. It is common, and it sounds like that's what you're dealing with. I am under it's raunchy spell every now and again myself.
Furthermore, I agree with some of the precepts that are at the core of AA philosophy, but spiritual healing used solely on its own accord is only an aspect of recovery. Do not assume that that there is only one side to getting, and staying sober. Biochemistry is a HUGE part of getting better, back to normal....getting balanced. Stay in touch with God, Higher Power, etc., meditate, pray, do all of that which maintains spiritual sobriety, but remember to take care of your biological needs too. Stay active to keep your stress level at a minimum, take St. John's Wort (if your doc is good with that) to help level out the depressive and uneven emotions that come with new(ish)-found sobriety. And, very importantly.........remember to take everything you do slowly. Be easy on yourself. We all have bad days and weeks. You are doing a great job. Keep it up! Stay sober! Things will improve as time flows on!
Furthermore, I agree with some of the precepts that are at the core of AA philosophy, but spiritual healing used solely on its own accord is only an aspect of recovery. Do not assume that that there is only one side to getting, and staying sober. Biochemistry is a HUGE part of getting better, back to normal....getting balanced. Stay in touch with God, Higher Power, etc., meditate, pray, do all of that which maintains spiritual sobriety, but remember to take care of your biological needs too. Stay active to keep your stress level at a minimum, take St. John's Wort (if your doc is good with that) to help level out the depressive and uneven emotions that come with new(ish)-found sobriety. And, very importantly.........remember to take everything you do slowly. Be easy on yourself. We all have bad days and weeks. You are doing a great job. Keep it up! Stay sober! Things will improve as time flows on!
Every Mother's Worst Nightmare
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Deep in the heart of LaLa land
Posts: 688
You know it's weird how this sobriety lark affects us all differently. I'm around the same time as you and this time of asking has definitely been the most challenging ever.
I've had periods of being clean before where everything was brilliant - like a continuous pink cloud for six months. It was so brilliant that in my wisdom I thought a few drinks wouldn't harm too much. Cataclysmically wrong decision
This time around its been rubbish to be fair, most of my own making. Health issues, money issues, personal issues, work-or lack of- issues. Seems endless.
But my commitment to staying clear of drugs and alcohol has been totally firm this time. And I've survived the worst of the challenges intact. Do I feel any better? Not yet. But I remain convinced that if I stay on the path this time, things will fall in to place in their own good time, whatever the outcomes may be.
Not sure if any of that helps at all to be honest. I suppose the real thing I've learned is to have some patience for once.
Best of luck to you.
I've had periods of being clean before where everything was brilliant - like a continuous pink cloud for six months. It was so brilliant that in my wisdom I thought a few drinks wouldn't harm too much. Cataclysmically wrong decision
This time around its been rubbish to be fair, most of my own making. Health issues, money issues, personal issues, work-or lack of- issues. Seems endless.
But my commitment to staying clear of drugs and alcohol has been totally firm this time. And I've survived the worst of the challenges intact. Do I feel any better? Not yet. But I remain convinced that if I stay on the path this time, things will fall in to place in their own good time, whatever the outcomes may be.
Not sure if any of that helps at all to be honest. I suppose the real thing I've learned is to have some patience for once.
Best of luck to you.
p***enger
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,036
Thanks stevie & everyone -- it's good to have company.
I'm working the steps -- I'm on 4, but haven't worked on it much lately since I did the step on my mother, who died when I had 80 days. My sponsor says I'm in the hallway.
-- banging my head on a door that looks like a wall to me now.
I'm working the steps -- I'm on 4, but haven't worked on it much lately since I did the step on my mother, who died when I had 80 days. My sponsor says I'm in the hallway.
-- banging my head on a door that looks like a wall to me now.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 480
Man, I'm so sorry to hear about your mother, Courage. That's a very tough loss.
I hear you re: the 4th step...the steps, to me, seem rather like a boat and they'll get me to the shore I seek. If I quit rowing, though, I start to sink. I hope you're able to get moving again, soon. I think you'll find the relief you seek in a few more steps. Not that life is easy after Step 9, but the internal 'ism' will hopefully die down.
Condolences, again, on the loss of your mother. I'm sure grief is probably impacting your mental and emotional state, too.
I hear you re: the 4th step...the steps, to me, seem rather like a boat and they'll get me to the shore I seek. If I quit rowing, though, I start to sink. I hope you're able to get moving again, soon. I think you'll find the relief you seek in a few more steps. Not that life is easy after Step 9, but the internal 'ism' will hopefully die down.
Condolences, again, on the loss of your mother. I'm sure grief is probably impacting your mental and emotional state, too.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Hi courage and fellow classmate
I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough time of it recently.I'm not in AA but haveread on here about people struggling around step 4.Do you think this is key? I'm sure there will be longer term sober people along with betteradvice than me bt just wanted to say I'm thinking of you.x
I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough time of it recently.I'm not in AA but haveread on here about people struggling around step 4.Do you think this is key? I'm sure there will be longer term sober people along with betteradvice than me bt just wanted to say I'm thinking of you.x
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,414
I'm sorry you're still struggling Courage.
Usually I would find that if I was thinking of drinking in a persistent way, there was something in my life I really didn't want to face?
Anything like that with you?
D
Usually I would find that if I was thinking of drinking in a persistent way, there was something in my life I really didn't want to face?
Anything like that with you?
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 66
I do think there are periods of increased craving.
Milestones are one, as well as stress, unresolved issues, etc.
Your brain is still healing. Receptors mending, etc.
I had 14 months sober & had to "test" to see if I could control my drinking. Guess what? Nope. Still an alcoholic. Luckily, I stopped my 2 day binge before it got out of control.
But I learned an invaluable lesson.....drinking sucks. It sucked then, it sucks now, it will suck in the future.
I no longer wonder, yearn, crave, whatever for alcohell. The thoughts don't cross my mind.
Don't buy into the lie that things are different this time. They are not.
You won't feel better after drinking, you will feel worse & regret throwing away that sober time.
Ride the storm out & come out stronger for it.
Keep building those sober muscles.
You got this.
Congrats on 8 months!
Milestones are one, as well as stress, unresolved issues, etc.
Your brain is still healing. Receptors mending, etc.
I had 14 months sober & had to "test" to see if I could control my drinking. Guess what? Nope. Still an alcoholic. Luckily, I stopped my 2 day binge before it got out of control.
But I learned an invaluable lesson.....drinking sucks. It sucked then, it sucks now, it will suck in the future.
I no longer wonder, yearn, crave, whatever for alcohell. The thoughts don't cross my mind.
Don't buy into the lie that things are different this time. They are not.
You won't feel better after drinking, you will feel worse & regret throwing away that sober time.
Ride the storm out & come out stronger for it.
Keep building those sober muscles.
You got this.
Congrats on 8 months!
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by DylanS 
Man, I'm so sorry to hear about your mother, Courage. That's a very tough loss.
I hear you re: the 4th step...the steps, to me, seem rather like a boat and they'll get me to the shore I seek. If I quit rowing, though, I start to sink. I hope you're able to get moving again, soon. I think you'll find the relief you seek in a few more steps. Not that life is easy after Step 9, but the internal 'ism' will hopefully die down.
Condolences, again, on the loss of your mother. I'm sure grief is probably impacting your mental and emotional state, too.
I hear you re: the 4th step...the steps, to me, seem rather like a boat and they'll get me to the shore I seek. If I quit rowing, though, I start to sink. I hope you're able to get moving again, soon. I think you'll find the relief you seek in a few more steps. Not that life is easy after Step 9, but the internal 'ism' will hopefully die down.
Condolences, again, on the loss of your mother. I'm sure grief is probably impacting your mental and emotional state, too.
Though I don't push it here or anywhere else, I've gotten sober twice in AA. Stayed sober for twenty five years, and now two years back from a three-year relapse. Crawling back in desperation, I needed to again make the leap of faith that there was a better way for me, and make a commitment to not drink each day no matter what.
As did many before me, I recovered from a hopeless state of mind and body with the Twelve Steps as beautifully laid out in the AA Big Book. Though it didn't cure all my ills -- and it's not designed to do so -- working and then living the Twelve Steps allowed me to embrace life as an adventure to be lived, rather than a problem to be solved.
Virtually every meaningful part of my life has changed so much for the better.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
Courage
You are fabulous.
But, apart from that, I think it is safe to say that many people fall at the fourth step fence. Don't let it overwhelm you. And don't!!!! for the love of all that is good! entertain the idea of drinking again.
I was at a meeting this evening and one guy shared that he has had 7 sponsors and 7 relapses, each at step 4.
I am at nearly 3 years now and only now working the steps.
I hate that these steps seem to be so difficult and tie people up in knots.
I just am incorporating the steps into my life now. I am going at my own pace.
I just will not drink because I am stalling at them.
It is like reaching a particularly dangerous part of a mountain while climbing and because I am afraid to try this steep difficult part, I just go jump off the cliff!
Well that would be kinda dumb, so I am going to take a nice photo of how far I have come and come back another day. I can just slide on my arse down the side of the mountain and be kind of peed off but I can try again another day.
Most people will be impressed enough at how far up I went.
It will be me berating myself.
We do that.
I want to reach the top NOWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!
Hugs
You are fabulous.
But, apart from that, I think it is safe to say that many people fall at the fourth step fence. Don't let it overwhelm you. And don't!!!! for the love of all that is good! entertain the idea of drinking again.
I was at a meeting this evening and one guy shared that he has had 7 sponsors and 7 relapses, each at step 4.
I am at nearly 3 years now and only now working the steps.
I hate that these steps seem to be so difficult and tie people up in knots.
I just am incorporating the steps into my life now. I am going at my own pace.
I just will not drink because I am stalling at them.
It is like reaching a particularly dangerous part of a mountain while climbing and because I am afraid to try this steep difficult part, I just go jump off the cliff!
Well that would be kinda dumb, so I am going to take a nice photo of how far I have come and come back another day. I can just slide on my arse down the side of the mountain and be kind of peed off but I can try again another day.
Most people will be impressed enough at how far up I went.
It will be me berating myself.
We do that.
I want to reach the top NOWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,711
HI courage I am close to you in sober time and I too sometimes feel like garbage. I wonder "will I be able to do this forever" THIS being meetings, sobriety, working on myself etc. I think my expectations of WHERE I SHOULD BE is the common denominator. I still have thoughts to drink, I sometimes don't want to go to meetings. My disease sometimes tells me the same repeating lies "you're not good enough, you will eventually relapse anyway (everyone fails- the stats are against you), you don't deserve to be happy" Need I go on? lol My addiction wants me drunk because that's it's only business but I know that as long as I keep up with my program and connected with you guys I will remain stronger. As you already know with the time you have, the bad days (sometimes bad weeks) DO pass. You're doing great, just keep it going
I am close to you in sober time and I too sometimes feel like garbage. I wonder "will I be able to do this forever" THIS being meetings, sobriety, working on myself etc. I think my expectations of WHERE I SHOULD BE is the common denominator. I still have thoughts to drink, I sometimes don't want to go to meetings. My disease sometimes tells me the same repeating lies "you're not good enough, you will eventually relapse anyway (everyone fails- the stats are against you), you don't deserve to be happy" Need I go on? lol My addiction wants me drunk because that's it's only business but I know that as long as I keep up with my program and connected with you guys I will remain stronger. As you already know with the time you have, the bad days (sometimes bad weeks) DO pass. You're doing great, just keep it going 
p***enger
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,036
Yes, Dee, you hit it right as usual -- there are one or two non-sober things I'm circling around. Now, what to do?
Wonderful to hear from you, Hollyanne! Just after I posted this thread, someone I met in AA called me and asked me to coffee at the Silver Star--I instantly thought of you! I also agreed to meet her, which is a step in the right direction for me. Hugs back ((( ))), and at least for today, I won't jump off the cliff because I can't climb the steep bit!
Wonderful to hear from you, Hollyanne! Just after I posted this thread, someone I met in AA called me and asked me to coffee at the Silver Star--I instantly thought of you! I also agreed to meet her, which is a step in the right direction for me. Hugs back ((( ))), and at least for today, I won't jump off the cliff because I can't climb the steep bit!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 544
Originally Posted by courage2
My sponsor tells me I'm doing great. I feel loony. I feel like I can't keep this up, like it's only a matter of time before I start drinking or using a drug again just to get release from myself, and it will be even worse than before. I'm moody and irritable and I irritate myself most of all.
Is this normal? Is there something I should be doing that I'm not?
Is this normal? Is there something I should be doing that I'm not?
My advice?
Don't surround yourself with yourself. For isolation leads to depression. Find something to do.
I wrote this in my journal after eight months.
Good luck and God Bless
April 20th, 2013-
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!
Today marks my 8th, straight month in a row of total sobriety. ☺
Word of the day.
Antiquity-
The quality of being ancient.
Example.
Searching for, or removal of, any object of antiquity, including arrowheads, pottery or other artifacts is strictly prohibited.
21st April, 2013-
5:57pm…
the last 24 hours have been pretty amazing…
It started out with a Harley ride to spend time some family time with Karen and her family. From here, Karen and I went to see the Jackie Robinson movie “42.” After a good night’s rest we got up and went to the gym. From here we drove downtown and Rae and I played before the Pacers game. Afterwards, Karen, Rae, Bobby and myself all took advantage of the free tickets and watched the game live. Great seats! From here Karen and I went to Lowe’s, bought some plants and flowers, of which I planted the Jade, and now, I am finally going to relax with some reading and a short nap.
Whew!
Today’s workout-
12 pulls ups
15 tri-cep extensions
40 push ups
100 sit ups
3 mile run.
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