keepurchinup

My AH is going to "get better" I don't buy it since he insists on doing it by himself, again, & by that I mean no AA meetings, support etc..(pretty sure he knows I'm slowly packing up & will be moving out)

I've been down this road enough to know it will not end well but am trying to stay focused on me now. (he went as long as 90 days once)

So here is my question. Whenever my AH tries to do this he turns to tonic soda & a slice of lime. He says he likes the bitter drink. And I do know it's not vodka because I see him making it, not that I'm deliberately spying but he makes it in front of us & will drink this during dinner & any gatherings we used to have in the past.

Anyhow, are there any others out there that have done this? I'm not sure what to make of it anymore. Thank you

JustSarah

Hi chin-up - I went onto orange juice and lemonade as it was like a non-alcoholic mimosa - I'm now onto non-al shandy s - it works for me in anycase

Does he use SR? It's helped me immensely xxxx

LexieCat

I drink tonic or soda with lime when I am out at a cocktail party or something (five years sober, here). To me, it's sufficiently different from what I drink at home (with meals or watching TV--where I drink iced tea) that I feel comfortable with it.

The bottom line, though, is that doing that will not get him sober or keep him that way. It's relatively harmless, but he needs a better solution than that.

lorelei

I like, bitter lemon, sparkly water, diet coke....I do like af beers, but always end up drinking again after a while on them....

Hammer

Sounds like he is putting on a Magic Show for you.

Or maybe the show is for himself.

Let's step into the inner dialogue of the Theater of the A-Addled Mind?

============

[up front, the Alkie-Magician. Looks out and sees you in the Audience]

A-M: You will notice, in this glass, in my hand, there is no Vodka.

[pours in tonic and lime]

A-M: Now I will put this to my lips and . . .

[swallows, and looks around to see if you noticed]

A-M: Ahhh, No need to be alarmed. I can do this. I do enjoy this.

[Loud Applause. (in his mind)]

==============

Bottom Line? Keep Packing.

keepurchinup

My AH believes he can do this himself. We went to 1 AA meeting a long time ago & he said that although he was a lot like them it wasn't a place for him..like he needed a chip! He loves to tell stories on how his ideal rock stars drank for years & then got sober.

His XAW was in & out of rehab many times & he believes it's a place where they take your money & you relapse anyway.

He likes to be in control, I think if he goes & relapses he will see himself as a failure & even his buddy said that he doesn't want to fail, & yet he does on his own all the time

breath

When I sought help & support and dove into my recovery my wife bought me a SodaStream Penguin to make sparkling water, I'll admit I enjoy making fresh OJ & Lemonade, sparklers & stuff. BUT sobriety has made me a busy guy, and a very healthy one! Iced Tea, water, coffee and lemonade is all I ever drink, and soy or almond milk. One think support and working a "program" helped me recognize was what was important- SOBRIETY! Not picking up and using SUPPORT to recognize and build a life changed forever. I wish you and your AH the best, keep coming back here, get to Alanon. Your AH is playing with some heavy, heavy statistics, literally less than 1% of us get SOBER on our own, most end up "dry-drunks" most can't stay clean. AA is great, once you learn to work it YOUR way, but there are alternatives and means of support, like here in SR.
Take Care!

BoxinRotz

I've seen my AH do a turn around (longest time was 8 months with the shortest being up to 6 weeks) and he's never drank anything other than water, milk, Pepsi and other pop, and coffee. If he's going to drink, he will drink.

dandylion

I don't know for sure, but I THINK that the Idea of AA conjures up the idea of: "They are going to tell me or try to convince me that I will have to be completely sober and never drink again"!! Until the alcoholic wants to be sober for some good reason (to him), this idea must seem like a living death. I think that is the main fear--so all the objections to AA are just a way to keep focus off of the "never drink again" issue.

All the alcoholics that I have ever known are exquisitely sensitive to any kind of criticism--so, I imagine that the fear of having any faults pointed out does not sit well, either.

Since he insists that he will do it on his o wn----I think you are wise to continue to pack.

dandylion