Rogue

It's finally time to admit that I am an alcoholic. I'm 28 years old, I've been divorced, almost arrested 3 times, I've lost 3 jobs due to my alcoholism and many friends. I always use to find something to blame it on or make an excuse like, I would have never started drinking if my sister didn't take me out all the time or I had such a crappy day at work so one margarita will be ok. The only problem is, it was never just one. I grew with an alcoholic father and I hated him then, I always vowed that I would never turn out like that. My sister was addicted to drugs and alcohol for many years and I always told myself I'd never be like her. I was 22 when it all started, my fiancé had cheated me, I had no friends and my sister told me going out and drinking would help. That was my first mistake. I use to blame her for my drinking because had she not showed me that way, I'd never be where I am today. It wasn't her fault, I had a choice and I chose to take that drink. I liked how I felt, I liked that I didn't have to think about how much I was hurting, that was the day I became an alcoholic. That was 5 years ago, I wish I could you a lot about the time between now and then, it all runs together or I can't remember much of it. I've done so many things I'm not proud of, then you drink to feel better and end up doing more things that even worse then before. I lost myself respect, dignity, spirit and joy in life. I married a man that was just as much of a drinker as I was, we had a terrible and abusive marriage that caused me to be so unhappy I drank to forget the way I felt. Some where in these five years I've wrecked 2 cars while drunk, I've lost jobs because I couldn't get up in the morning, I've almost been arrested 3 times for DUI or PI, I've destroyed relationships with friends and men, I gained 30 lbs and I learned to hate myself. There are times I'd wake up in strange houses, in someone's bed that wasn't mine with no idea how I got there or where I was. I've slept with, that I remember about 8 people in the last two years because i was drunk. I've tried to quit, never last more than a couple days. I started drinking at home because I was embarrassed of how I acted and didn't want anyone to know I was an alcoholic. Today I woke up after drinking 2 bottles of wine last night and some moonshine, not remembering a thing about what I did, I sent revealing photos to my ex that's one of the only friends I have, managed to get into an argument with my best friend and he isn't speaking to me and I broke the coffee table. I'm not proud of any of this, I'm embarrassed and I'm hoping that admitting to someone will help me stop. I have a problem and I desperately need help. I don't want to drink anymore. Any advice or words or encouragement would be helpful.

ZoeM

Hi Rogue and welcome to SR - you've found a brilliant and supportive site here

Hevyn

Welcome to a great place Rogue! You are not alone with this.

It helped me so much to come here and tell my story. I felt isolated and had no one to share my feelings with. Here we all understand because we've been through the same thing. Please don't feel embarrassed - alcohol causes us to do out-of-character things - all the more reason to stop letting it rule us. You can get free Rogue! Please keep posting and reading here - we care and we can help.

ChrissieB

I am so glad you found SR and shared your story, there is no judgement here, only support. I am experiencing freedom from alcohol and just doing it one day at a time. You have definitely taken the 1st step admitting you have a problem Rogue wishing you success.

least

to SR! I'm glad you found us and joined the family.

FourSeasons

HI Rogue! Welcome! We all come with our own stories. Thanks for sharing yours!

Dee74

welcome Rogue

D

Wastinglife

Hi Rogue,
I've lost numerous jobs and relationships too. I have been arrested and ended up in the ER as well. Recognizing you have a problem and a desire to change is great. I am still healing and I struggle sometimes, but things get better. Welcome to the site.

wiscsober

Rogue thank you for sharing your story....I like many here with the disease of alcoholism relate.

SR is an integral part of my sobriety.

If you want to recover using the AA program I suggest that you give your local hotline a call and see if you could meet up with a couple members before a meeting and then if you want to -- attend a meeting.

by you asking for help you will also be helping others...

I wish you good health. Keep posting.

Rogue

Thank you everyone for all your kind words and support. Almost through day one and can't wait to conquer day 2!! I'm so glad I found this site.

Soberpotamus

Welcome Rogue

Malachi

Welcome Rogue! There are so many supportive people here!

pinkdog

Hi Rogue, I grew up with an alcoholic mother. I never thought I would wind up drinking. I think when you grow up with someone else always the problem, it's really hard to admit that I, myself might have a problem. It took me a long time to start thinking like that. Maybe I may be the problem this time. It's good to step back and look at yourself thru someone else's eyes. My thinking was so blurred. I finally decided to trust someone whose opinion I valued. Someone who had always spoken well of me and to me. Sobriety has been the best thing for my health and relationships. Stick around here. You can do it.

Gottalife

Hi Rogue and welcome.

Thank you for sharing with us. Your story is very similar to mine, particularly there are a lot of similarities as to how you drank and the effect alcohol has on you.

I pretty much did what Wiscsober suggests and found that my story and experience was virtually identical to that described in the AA Big Book, The people were very similar in their experiences with alcohol, and they had a solution that has worked for me for many years.

By experiences I don't mean the things they did (we all have different stories) but mor the effect alcohol had on them. They, like me, had lost the power of choice. Once we started drinking we could not guarantee what would happen or when we would stop, and when we decided to stop, we often found ourselves drinking again without any conscious thought. It's truly awful to know that when we start we can't control it, yet we seem unable to stay away from the first drink which always sets off the cycle.

One type of AA group, which I believe originated in Texas, has proved very effective over here. They are known as Primary Purpose Groups. If there is one near you, I highly recommend you give it a try.

longbeachone

Welcome Rogue! Thanks for sharing your story. It sounds like you've been through it, just like most of the people on this site.

At such an early stage, as hard as it may seem, you must put sobriety first and foremost. All of these issues that you are fretting over, worrying yourself half to death, are miniscule compared to the most important thing facing you now...to step drinking, and stay stopped. Of course, you need to keep the lights on, and pay for your housing, car, food. Beyond that, try to stop fretting about things that are beyond your control. I will tell you one thing that all SR people will agree with...problems that are torturing you now will look very different after a few weeks as a sober, sane person.

It's great to meet you, and welcome to this wonderful, caring refuge!