Ethos23

I had a good string of sobriety going then decided to have a few drinks with friends while at a conference in June and I picked up the bottle again. Glad to say that it wasn't with the same vengeance as with last binges, but it's heading that way again. As a reminder, two of my last benders landed me in the ER for anxiety. Fast forward to this last Friday, I downed a 750 mL bottle of vodka and felt TERRIBLE yesterday. Yesterday, I drank a pint and a half. I woke at 4 this morning and had a bit of anxiety, but other than that I'm thanking my lucky stars that I'm not shaking and losing my mind again. Im writing this then going on a long mountain bike ride and trying to get this bender in the bag.

I need to figure something out. Need to figure out why I drink, not just try to "not drink." I am so busy with my professional life, but this really needs to come first. I just feel like if I put the time into my sobriety I will lose all that I've sacrificed and worked for in my professional life. On the flip side, I feel like if I keep drinking, I will lose everything too. I know what the logical decision is, but am just kind of confused about how to move forward right now. I do know that I can't keep doing this. My life becomes so unmanageable and I become so negative and grumpy that nobody wants to be around me. Any advice would be appreciated.

ReadyAtLast

I wasn't sure if I'd read this right at first but think I did.

If you don't put the time into your sobriety you may very well lose all you've sacrifices and worked for in your professional life. Many of us here have lost careers, spouses,children, health and ultimately lives

Maybe look at joining the september class-it's a great start

ZoeM

Readyatlast - I was wondering the same and now wonder if it was a typo??

hypochondriac

It is worth putting the effort in Ethos, even if your professional life suffers a bit. I doubt it will though, few jobs are done better with a hangover... but it does mean that your main attention will be on your sobriety for a bit. I found it so hard to maintain any kind of balance early on, I had to work hard on my sobriety to be able to just stay sober, too many underlying issues that needed working on at the same time. Add that to the usual emotional rollercoaster of early sobriety and the fatigue I had and I felt pretty overwhelmed for quite some time. But all that settles down eventually. It's not going to be like that forever. Did you have any support or use any recovery method before? A good starting place would be to make sure you have regular help and a good support network x

doggonecarl

Sorry to read that you still struggle.

Maybe figuring out why you drink will help; it didn't for me. By the time I got here, I drank because I was an alcoholic. I didn't need to figure it out, but I sure had to accept it.

I agree, trying to not drink is a poor recover method. I found trying to live sober the route to go. Find a recovery program that supports that, maybe you will have success too.

Ethos23

How do I join the September Class?

doggonecarl

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...er-2013-a.html

Cheetah1

I'm not an AAer but I gleened quite a bit of knowledge from reading the Big Book. You can download it free online.

I saw myself in those pages...I WAS/AM an alcoholic. I drank bc I was an addict. Once I accepted WHAT I was, I knew what I had to do.
Accept that I can NEVER drink again. It was no longer an option or I would lose everything...
And realize my life would go on. Even better than it was.

I had to want to be sober more than I wanted to drink.
Life is not rainbows unicorns & I've had to face feelings, difficult situations sober, when is rather be numb. But I am growing & it gets easier. I've learned that I can survive without poison. Little by little.
Best wishes to you.

Twistedhero

Hi there I'm new to this and first time talking with someone! I can't tell anyone what to do however i can tell you this that I put my alcoholism to one side because I was too busy with my £150000 job and driving my £20000 Beamer yeah I was a complete ass I lost my mrs my 2 kids who now hate me and don't want to see me! My entire family didn't speak to me for 7 years I ended up a thief and a bum getting part time jobs as a cook in another country and owing debts of £200000 and that was seven years ago and now I have a new family my parents speak to me I'm the best to them all because I did recover enough to relapse again and it's only because I realise I will lose all this i have now that I finally have to give up!
I tried to figure it out and yes I love the feeling if drinking straight vodka and being pissed in 15 mins and downing bottles of wine in pint pots, The feeling of being in control of being out of control so all I'm saying is maybe just maybe it's your time to stay sober and come to terms with the fact that the relationship is over as I have so pick up the pieces and feel lucky.

pinkdog

Hi Ethos, welcome. When your body becomes used to drinking, it will protest without it. So it may be your body making you drink. Urging you to drink. When you want to quit. You might go to the dr and find a method of decreasing the urges your body is sending. To withdraw safely. Best wishes to you. You can do this. We are with you.