posiesperson

Hi All,

I'm interested in your thoughts about workaholism. Do you see it in your loved ones? Do you encounter this in friendships, romantic relationships, in your children, etc.? Or yourself? I have alcoholism in my family of origin and I'm starting to look around at this issue in my family...

I know that workaholism is another form of addiction that interferes with life, relationships, commitments, but I'm looking for some ES&H (experience, strength and hope) on the topic.

Thanks,
posie

LifeRecovery

My mom grew up with an alcoholic father, and I feel her main coping is workaholism.

I also struggle with that balance too.

Work give structure to my day. It gives me a false sense of security/control. It gives me structures when I am trying not to feel to not feel.

Now as you may or may not know I also am in recovery for an eating disorder....I want to say that more because for me the isms connect and bleed into each other so I don't know what is what.

What has your experience been around it Posie?

posiesperson

I recognize this pattern in my family of origin, and am looking at this issue for myself. I know I have a strong history of "being very busy." Some of that is reality-based as a single mom of 2 teens, but some of it has historically been to escape my feelings and I didn't realize that until I got into recovery work.

I also see it in my loved ones. Now my bf, who was recently diagnosed with a chronic medical condition, is keeping very, very busy. Hm...

I know that we attract what we need to look at for ourselves. I'm becoming increasingly suspicious of myself when I want to take on a new project suddenly, and/or NOT sit quietly, or struggle to feel comfortable reading for a little while instead of accomplishing x, y, or z...

On the other hand I have 2 teens and a somewhat problematic exH, my own business, a house to maintain and a few fur-babies. Yes, I invited all of that into my life. Now, it's a matter of how to deal with all of it in a healthy way while NOT adding more to my plate. And recognizing a spike in my codependency around my bf's medical issues and the serious impact on our relationship. It hurts in all the old familiar ways. So I'm stepping up my meetings, posting here, talking with friends and taking it one day at a time.

Can others relate to this?

posie

LifeRecovery

Oh that all feels familiar.

I am very good at getting it done when it is "work," but I stink at getting anything done when it is play, fun, frivolous etc.

Being still, fun, etc means I have to feel.

It is MUCH better then it was. I at least can acknowledge what I am doing...and that is the first piece.

I have some great support in place who reminds me I don't have to WORK so hard to make it all come together.

I can't wait to hear other responses.

Sorry about your loved one's medical concerns. His condition (and his reaction to it) would impact me in a similar fashion.

Yurt

I am on the same page. I have a job that I love (First Grade teacher) and I spend way too much time on it, both at school and at home. It is also my safe haven. I don't have to deal with the same type of drama, and if someone yells at me, it is because I made them put their clip down, not because I dropped a noodle on the table cloth.
I know that this does not help with my home situation, however, it does bring me peace.

dandylion

I was married to a workaholic once. I couldn't take it--a workaholic is just as absent from a relationship as an alcoholic.....sigh.......though, the abuse, etc. is not as bad.

The one thing I know about honest-to-goodness, dyed-in-the wool workaholics is that they deny that it is a problem. They do not complain about how much they have to do--because they revel in it. They will sneak and work, if they can get away with it. Nagging, complaining, confrontations and crying does not deter them. (so many correlations to alcoholism!!!).

Dr. Oz's wife wrote a book a few years back--and confessed that their marriage almost ended several times due to his workaholism. Dr. Phil has confessed that he is a "recovering workaholic". I can list many celebrities that I think are. (thought you would like this interesting factoid).

dandylion

LovesVWs

My Alcoholic husband is an extreme workaholic with major control and anxiety issues. Big surprise that both his parents are alcoholics.

He is in rehab now, and I am sure he will never drink again but the obsession with work is a major problem for me.

Seren

Adult child of an untreated ACoA mom, here.

For me, it was always a way to feel better about my worth in this world. "If I just work hard enough, then people will think I'm valuable enough and worth having around."

It was exhausting....

Hopeworks

I am ACOA and an easily diagnosed workaholic ... if I don't have enough plates spinning I will go find some more and put them up on a stick and give them a whirl. My XA was my most time consuming and passionate project that the plate fell off and broke.

I also am working on my recovery and developing a healthy balance in my life and recently just got a boat (the only place I can go and get my brain to turn off). Once I finish my current business project I intend to spend a lot of time in the Bahamas just cruising and fishing.