selfsabotage

I am a successful business owner. I have friends. I am healthy. I work out. I have a GF and we get along like we're the same person... (positive)...

Yet, I love to get wasted. Nothing seems to be more fun than drinking as much beer as I can, smoking pot and eventually taking much more of my ritalin than I should. I have learned to NOT drink so much that I get a killer hangover.

I wasn't abused. My parents divorced when I was young, yet I don't believe this bothers me. I have never experienced any major losses. My high-school and college years were not traumatic in the slightest.

What the h*ll is my problem? Why can't I leave myself alone? If I think that partying by myself is fun, then how can I retrain my brain to leave myself alone?

Anna

You can learn to stop drinking, smoking pot and abusing Ritalin. But, I think that stopping those things would not be enough.

I found, as many do, that there are underlying issues that need to be dealt with. You may not even be aware of the issues at this point because you are self-medicating. Once you stop the drugs and alcohol, the issues that are causing you to self-medicate might become visible to you. In my opinion, there is a reason that you are doing what you're doing.

I hope you

IOAA2

Welcome SS. as Anna said underlying reasons I and most of us alcoholics drank. I've been to probably been to 25-20K AA meetings over the years and the different forms of feelings surfaced as to reasons we drank to escape from. Getting in touch with them requires self honesty and accepting them. The vast majority are handled by non alcoholics with no strain or pain. A couple frequent ones are loneliness, financial insecurity, relax, depression and anxiety are a fair start. The only requirement to handle them is to stop drinking then the work can proceed. BE WELL

selfsabotage

I think part of it is that I do so much during the course of my working hours - I feel like I need to run in the opposite direction - REALLY (haha) relax.

I used to drink like a FOOL - 3/4 of a 5th at a time. I could never get past this - I pass out . Now that my drinking is WAY down I need to figure out why I can't give it up completely. It really is pointless to drink the way I do. :S

IOAA2

Just try not drinking for say 90 days, then try to draw an honest opinion. I suggest reading more posts on the forum for other ideas/thoughts. BE WELL

wakko

Addicton is progressive....It only get worse. Get off before you crash and burn. Discover the wonderful world of recovery

Ohio1

Why do you want to quit? There is literally nothing negative in your first post lol. Job, girl, in shape, no hangovers, I'm assuming you aren't getting legal problems from the pot?

I was a pretty happy healthy drinker/pot/Adderall user for several years and I never came to a recovery site for help- I actually was happy and not having problems from using. My point is simply that something must be going on, there must be some negative from all this use or you wouldn't be seeking help or trying to stop.

Stormynights

I feel the same way. I also don't feel like I should be blaming anyone else for being face down in vomit. I did it to myself regardless of what has happened. I think, it comes down to boredom. I can't figure out why the "good life" isn't enough for me.

pinkdog

Hi self, welcome to SR. I have the same question as Ohio. Why do you want to quit? I think it would be helpful to you to list the bad effects. The problems your current lifestyle has. It's not all fun or you wouldn't be here. I have to remind myself the bad things drinking did in my life. To be vigilant and aware. Very best wishes to you. You came to a good place.

selfsabotage

I might be addicted to the cycle - the cycle of feeling amazing and then messing it up, being sick, cracked out...

I might like to see what I can get away with... how deviant can I be and still live a normal life?

There is the reality that some of the best times in my life have come from using/abusing drugs. The same can be said for the worst times in my life.

Why isn't everyday life good enough for me? Could it be that I have been on ADD/ADHD medication since I was 5 and being drugged is the only life I know?

I want to quit because I could kill myself, for one. Heart disease runs in my family and taking 100mg of Ritalin and drinking 8-12 beers and staying up all night could very well kill me. My father had a heart attack training for a marathon and he was in (supposedly) excellent shape... :S

I want to quit because I am somewhat ashamed of abusing drugs and alcohol. I realize that shame can be a trigger for continuing the cycle of abuse, and so I don't try and beat myself up over it.

I want to quit because given two weeks out of not abusing my pills I regain my sharpness - I program computers - for others and for my own software business - I want to retire and the more I mess with myself the longer I will have to work - at least that's the theory.

All in all, I think talking this out will be good for me and will help me to get some answers about why I abuse drugs/alcohol/myself at all.

Thank you all!

ScottFromWI

You've compiled quite a list of reasons why you might consider giving up drinking completely. Maybe you should try it out for a bit just to see how it goes.

Coldfusion

Welcome, SS!

There is lots of help available. You should discuss this with your doctor, they would like nothing better than to see people control drinking and drug abuse.

I had to quit drinking because my life was a disaster. I had to check in to detox and then got to AA meetings every day. If you think you might need rehab, there is a fantastic dual-diagnosis program at Chelan, WA but it might take some time to arrange going there so maybe you need to start working on it now.

It's possible that just going to a few AA or NA meetings would show you what problems you might face if you continue on this path.

All the best,

∞CF

Louise82

Yep, I can totally relate to this. I'm an alcoholic and people say that the "ism" in alcoholism stands for "I Sabotage Myself". I used to sabotage myself every time things started going well. I'd look for the self-destruct button and press it with all my might. Even when I stopped drinking, I kept self-sabotaging for a while. I'm less than 2 months sober and, to an extent, I'm still doing it because I don't have much practice with my new coping skills yet. But I'm learning to do it less and less because I'm finally dealing with my underlying issues. But I couldn't have started dealing with these issues honestly without stopping drinking first.

Dee74

I really liked the control I had by being out of control. Perverse but true.

Anytime things were going too well, I could retreat to the familiar state...feeling bad after was ok too - I knew feeling bad...it was feeling good that freaked me out.

anytime I felt unworthy I could confirm that unworthiness by being drunk - anytime I felt scared I could obliterate my feelings.

I had to believe I was worthy of more than I was allowing myself to be....and I was.

It was terrifying to step up to the plate after 40 years of low self esteem and 30 years of drinking & drugs, but I'm glad I did.

I've even hit a few home runs since then, and I've grown to like it

D

Amajorityofone

Friend-

If you keep repeating these core beliefs to yourself, then you'll be on the road to recovery in no time at all.

“He who would accomplish little need sacrifice little; he who would achieve much must sacrifice much. He who would attain highly must sacrifice greatly.”
― James Allen, As a Man Thinketh

Good luck and God Bless

selfsabotage

Thanks everyone ... so far, not so good...

I am really, really high right now... I have a ton of work to do and I took ten days' worth of Ritalin and drank half a box of Franzia... I think I must like to escape reality.

When the going gets tough I turn to drugs and alcohol. How can I break this habit? How can I learn to take a nap when I am overwhelmed? How can I learn to break free of this addiction?

pinkdog

Hi self, I'm very concerned about the ritalin. 10 days worth sounds bad. I think you better get some medical help. Commit to getting this fixed. I am with you friend.

selfsabotage

Hehe - it's up there... I don't do it all the time though. No booze since my confession of slippage. TY - that means a lot. It's good to just admit the problems.