How many times does one fail?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 21
How many times does one fail?
Well I did... only after 48 hours. I have spent longer without drinking when I wasn,t even trying. I was able to go over a major panic attack on friday without anything... Yesterday we were invited to a garden party, everything was fine, i wasn,t feeling stressed....it was beautiful outside, very hot... suddenly two bottles of cold white wine appeared at the table. They looked yummy but i kept drinking water,changed to cola... as soon as my husband was gone, i poured myself of white wine. then another... once he got back, i said i had to do something at home, took the car,and came home and drank 2 more glasses of white.
i was in no way drunk... in the past,this would be an event where I could convince myself that i can do it, that i can drink socially.... but i know i can't. drinking socially also means not drinking when you don,t want to and even though I didn't want to, I did....
back to square one for me
i was in no way drunk... in the past,this would be an event where I could convince myself that i can do it, that i can drink socially.... but i know i can't. drinking socially also means not drinking when you don,t want to and even though I didn't want to, I did....
back to square one for me
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Square one and me became good friends. I think it is helps to start to get 'objective' about the things that lead us back. In time I came to accept my subjective state at those times as part of the addiction. It was not until I was sober for six months that I came to understand just how corrupted my emotions and thinking were when it came to alcohol.
I now have no trouble being around alcohol at social situations- I used to have all sorts of feelings, physical sensations and thinking patterns.
With time I came to experience a freedom I had never known as an adult.
I had so many "relapses" after 24-48 hours, three days etc and so many starts that never even got past the fridge. Keep learning and keep it up.
I now have no trouble being around alcohol at social situations- I used to have all sorts of feelings, physical sensations and thinking patterns.
With time I came to experience a freedom I had never known as an adult.
I had so many "relapses" after 24-48 hours, three days etc and so many starts that never even got past the fridge. Keep learning and keep it up.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
"Our greatest weakness lies in giving up. The most certain way to succeed is always to try just one more time." - Thomas A. Edison
I tried for 15 years. I got there eventually
What helped me most was acceptance - acceptance of my situation, acceptance that I needed to change more in my life than just not drinking, and acceptance that I needed help and support.
If you can think about those things, think about where you went wrong, and work out what you need to add now, I think you'll pull something positive out of this weekend's experience ForMe
D
I tried for 15 years. I got there eventually
What helped me most was acceptance - acceptance of my situation, acceptance that I needed to change more in my life than just not drinking, and acceptance that I needed help and support.
If you can think about those things, think about where you went wrong, and work out what you need to add now, I think you'll pull something positive out of this weekend's experience ForMe
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi and welcome to what can be your first day of sobriety one day at a time. My problem when I was "trying to stop" was I wasn't honest with myself about my drinking past and present. I wanted to drink more than I wanted to get sober. Back then AA was the only show in time and it took awhile for me to accept that I could NOT drink in safety even if all the BS in my mind tried to convince me otherwise. Slowly the pain of drinking way overcame my acting so immature and brain damaged. Slowly I got better with a lot of being active and work on personal growth, the reasons I drank. BE WELL
No half measures
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: State of Confusion
Posts: 424
I failed countless times. When I realized that alcohol was going to win every time I went against it head to head things became better. I surrendered I was beat. Will power alone with never enough. Out of total desperation I sought out professional help who educated me in addiction and recovery. as my brain cleared I learned that long term recovery was dependent on having a support network and I found that in AA.
Every Mother's Worst Nightmare
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Deep in the heart of LaLa land
Posts: 688
As you'll read in every comment albeit in slightly different ways, you will only stop when the balance on the scales tips and the desire not to drink becomes absolutely paramount. 100% commitment whatever the situation - social event, temporary mental breakdown, domestic rumpus, near-death experience etc. etc.
Until you understand the importance of that personal commitment and have an absolute certitude about doing everything it takes not to pick up the first drink, you're pretty much doomed to starting threads like this ad nauseam
Until you understand the importance of that personal commitment and have an absolute certitude about doing everything it takes not to pick up the first drink, you're pretty much doomed to starting threads like this ad nauseam
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 776
What helped me most was acceptance - acceptance of my situation, acceptance that I needed to change more in my life than just not drinking
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Sometimes just the thought of something being withheld makes it even more appealing. It's not that you don't want to, it's the thought process that "you can't".
When her kids were young, my ex mother in law used to get them to eat things that they would never eat by telling them that they couldn't have any of what she was cooking. That she was cooking it special for their father. She got all of them to eat and love liver that way. It's all in the perception.
You drank because of that same perception. If you weren't trying to quit you couldn't have cared less if there was wine.
Are you quitting for yourself? I found that when my attempt to quit was for others and not for me that's when this ""need" to have even if I don't want it" occurred. The reason that I ask is that you poured the wine as soon as your husband was gone and then when he returned you excused yourself where you could go home and get away with continuing to drink. That would compare to my buying non alcoholic beer and pouring out the NA and replacing it with the real stuff so my husband didn't know. Who are we really fooling?
When I quit for him and our marriage it was so easy to start a fight with him because then I had an excuse to drink. I resented him for making me quit. I blamed him for taking away my good time. Not to mention that I was resentful of the power that I felt that he had over me.
This time through I then realized exactly what the saying "You have to quit for yourself and no one else" meant. My mind frame is I quit for myself, I own my sobriety, no one can take it away from me and it belongs to me and me alone. I will guard it and it's my priority. However, you can't just think it, it must be true. That gets rid of any resentments that I had previously and reasons to drink. He's made a few comments to me such as within the first 30 days saying "You're doing great but it's not now that I'm concerned about, it's when August comes and everyone is having end of summer parties and there's alcohol around". My statement back to him (lovingly) was "Look bud, let's get one thing straight, I didn't do this for YOU I did it for ME. You just get the perks. So don't second guess me and predict when you think I'll start drinking because my sobriety is none of your business, you just reap some of the benefits". I reminded him how many times he had told me that I had to quit for ME and this time that's exactly what I had done. Saying that to him cemented how I felt and it felt very powerful. I, and I alone am the ruler of my destiny (with the help of my HP). I'm not doing something because "he wants me to". I WANT TO.
Now, the key question again. Do you want to quit for yourself? That's what will help you out the next time that you see that wine.
When her kids were young, my ex mother in law used to get them to eat things that they would never eat by telling them that they couldn't have any of what she was cooking. That she was cooking it special for their father. She got all of them to eat and love liver that way. It's all in the perception.
You drank because of that same perception. If you weren't trying to quit you couldn't have cared less if there was wine.
Are you quitting for yourself? I found that when my attempt to quit was for others and not for me that's when this ""need" to have even if I don't want it" occurred. The reason that I ask is that you poured the wine as soon as your husband was gone and then when he returned you excused yourself where you could go home and get away with continuing to drink. That would compare to my buying non alcoholic beer and pouring out the NA and replacing it with the real stuff so my husband didn't know. Who are we really fooling?
When I quit for him and our marriage it was so easy to start a fight with him because then I had an excuse to drink. I resented him for making me quit. I blamed him for taking away my good time. Not to mention that I was resentful of the power that I felt that he had over me.
This time through I then realized exactly what the saying "You have to quit for yourself and no one else" meant. My mind frame is I quit for myself, I own my sobriety, no one can take it away from me and it belongs to me and me alone. I will guard it and it's my priority. However, you can't just think it, it must be true. That gets rid of any resentments that I had previously and reasons to drink. He's made a few comments to me such as within the first 30 days saying "You're doing great but it's not now that I'm concerned about, it's when August comes and everyone is having end of summer parties and there's alcohol around". My statement back to him (lovingly) was "Look bud, let's get one thing straight, I didn't do this for YOU I did it for ME. You just get the perks. So don't second guess me and predict when you think I'll start drinking because my sobriety is none of your business, you just reap some of the benefits". I reminded him how many times he had told me that I had to quit for ME and this time that's exactly what I had done. Saying that to him cemented how I felt and it felt very powerful. I, and I alone am the ruler of my destiny (with the help of my HP). I'm not doing something because "he wants me to". I WANT TO.
Now, the key question again. Do you want to quit for yourself? That's what will help you out the next time that you see that wine.
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