Shiningthrough

I have been with my ABF for 12 years and we have 2 beautiful children. He was sober for 5 years and recently started smoking pot. In the 5 years he was sober he barely made it to meetings and the word "alcoholic" couldn't be spoken of in our home.
In the past 8 months he has told me that he didn't consider himself in a monogamous relationship anymore and wanted to find a greater love. Being an untreated Alanon took its toll on everything related to my self esteem and self worth. I realized that I needed help. Alanon has brought me back to "being the strong woman I know I can be". Although he had given himself permission to cheat while still under the same roof, I realize now that his disease is running away from anything or anyone who is trying to get healthy. I still get angry, sad and upset at some of the choices and behavior he displays but it doesn't rule me like it use to. I have even found love letters to women he's been pursuing which hurt but give me clarity in accepting that he's moving on. We are still under the same roof in separate rooms bc of financial reasons but I am looking forward to moving on from this chapter in my life. I feel grateful for the program and am looking forward to a life lived on my terms.

honeypig

Shiningthrough, welcome to SR, and so glad you made your way here. How great that you found Alanon to help you thru what has to be a very, very tough time!

Now you know that you're not alone, and between this wonderful online community and your Alanon group, you'll hopefully have all the support you need to get your life in order and continue moving ahead. I'm pretty new here myself, but there are folks w/a TON of experience, strength and hope to share, which they do.

Glad to meet you, and looking forward to hearing more from you!

Hammer

Yep. Kick that trash to the curb.

Welcome.

(I would be sorely tempted to help write the letters or help proof-read them to help get rid of him faster, if I were you).

Pity the next chump, er ah, I mean Woman.

Shiningthrough

Thank you hammer. Yes proof reading would be a great help to him. When I read them I thought a teenager wrote them. They were full of lies and deceit to the poor woman blindsided by his charm. It really did help to find them even as painful as they were. I know what I'm not missing which is a gift in it self.

Thanks for your support and strength.

nbay2013

Welcome Shiningthrough,

I am glad you are here; I found SR five weeks ago, and have been so helped by the honesty, tough love, and vulnerability I find here. I am so sorry you are having to go through such a difficult time.