kudzujean

By that I mean, crosstalk, use of literature other than CAL, etc.

****NOTE: The vast majority of Al Anon meetings, IME, aren't like this. The vast majority are helpful and supportive. *************

Today I attended a meeting where, at the end of the program, the woman who did the program read a prayer--yes, a prayer, this is Jesusland--out of the Twenty Four Hours a Day book.

This Al Anon meeting, like most in the area, opens with a reminder to avoid the use or mention of literature other than CAL.

I've spoken up about that sort of thing before--several times--but today I didn't. I'm tired of being the heavy. No one (Surprise, surprise) spoke up. After the meeting, I did say to the woman who did the program that that was from an AA book. She kind of tried to shush me so other people wouldn't hear. She said, "But isn't it beautiful?" I just shook my head and walked away. This woman wasn't a newcomer; she's been in the program for years and knew exactly what she was doing.

This group is having a group conscience next week which I've decided I'm not going to. What is the point of deciding things at a group conscience, but then those decisions aren't enforced? I've been through that with this particular meeting again. I've taken a break from this meeting before, and I'm going to do it again.

It seems to me that many people are so docile, and won't speak up. It's possible to speak up in a nice way and keep things in line. But IME, most of the time, nobody will speak up.

Rant over....

LadyinBC

Yeah I don't understand people who bring in their own agendas. So far I have been lucky, haven't seen this is in any AA meeting I go to.

People can say and do things that are annoying. As hard as it is sometimes, I take what I need from my meetings and what people say and leave the rest. For me it is too much work to get upset over things I can't control. We can't control what people do or say but we can control how we react to them.

keepurchinup

That's kind of the feeling I had with mine too so I stopped going. I actually felt depressed after the meetings & assumed that's how they all were. I'm going to look for another location to try soon. Thanks

LexieCat

Do you know if they have already arrived at a group conscience re CAL? Some groups allow it. Some also allow cross talk. Nothing inherently "wrong" with either one, though conventional wisdom suggests neither one is a good idea.

I think you should go to the group conscience and make your feelings known. Couldn't hurt.

bigsombrero

I don't know about AlAnon, but with AA we have groups of all different sizes. I don't go too often, but when I do, I go to those big ones. Since you are "in the Middle of Nowhere" that might not be an option for you, but just in case Jesusland has a bigger population than I thought, perhaps there's a larger meeting you can attend? Those big congregation-style meetings don't get too personal. You don't tend to harbor hostile feelings for individuals because it's harder for people to "take over" or ruin a meeting with their agendas. I like those best.

kudzujean

"Do you know if they have already arrived at a group conscience re CAL? Some groups allow it. Some also allow cross talk. "

Yes, I know that they have regarding both CAL and crosstalk. Both are mentioned in the Suggested Opening.

kudzujean

Bigsombrero--thanks but this is a pretty big Al Anon group (for my area, anyway). There are usually 30 something people there.

DesertEyes

What I have done with groups like that is to not try and change _them_. I speak with people _after_ the meeting, see if I can find 3 or 4 that would like to stick to the guidelines.

Then I have a potluck, at _my_ house, just once. We have potluck for one hour, then we have a meeting for one hour. But no basket, since it's a potluck and not a fully formalized meeting. If folks show up, and it seems like a positive "vibe", I have the potluck once a month.

After about a year it's pretty clear if it's going to grow as a formal meeting. Then we find some church or police station where we can have it once a week.

Mike

wiscsober

At our Alanon meeting which normally 6-12 people attend we might do six readings from various Alanon literature. The reader then comments and then it's open to whomever wants to respond. We keep the meeting to exactly an hour. Usually the women will go out for coffee afterward, or they meetup for dinner beforehand.

If you listen closely a good majority of what people say, without them reading it, is not from Alanon. It could be from a religious text, a self-help book, a bestseller, a few lines from a movie, a joke from a stand-up ect.

I still hear quotes/paraphrasing from, "Proof of Heaven and The Greatest Gift."

I tell you being an agnostic I had a bunch of work to do on acceptance. Still do.

Our group reads only Alanon literature, but certainly the discussions are infused with other texts.

For myself I am more accepting of what people say when I come to the meeting with the frame of mind how can I help someone and what can I contribute. Not how can I be helped or what can I take away.

I love my group, and I like the people there. If I didn't go to that meeting it would be best to replace it with another one, or start a new meeting. Novel idea.

wiscsober

Great Idea....we've done something of the kind for the homebound.