dahliadee

Hi guys, I've been sober for 2 days, so far so good. Problem is, I'm committed to a weekend-long batchlorette party at the end of September. The party is for a very old friend and I'd like to be there. I'm a little scared this may lead to a relapse, of course. I committed to the thing before I decided to try to quit drinking. Any advice on how to shack up in a cabin for 2 days with women who will be drinking all weekend long?

ReadyAtLast

Personally I wouldn't have gone so early on into sobriety because I know Iwould not have been able to abstain

ScottFromWI

I agree that for me that would have been way to early to attend an event where the only planned activity is drinking.

How about telling your friend why you would prefer to not attend and meet her for dinner another time? Or just visit for a short part of the party during the day when drinking is less heavy? I can almost 100% guarantee you won't enjoy it anyway, there's not much to do when you are sober amongst a group who's sole purpose is to get drunk and get each other drunk

Mountainmanbob

EndGameNYC

I'm going to an all-weekend party in early sobriety where drinking is the main event, I'm getting drunk.

LadyBlue0527

Or torturing myself

Renarde

I'd find a way to get out of it. Call off sick...

foolsgold66

Two days? I would not recommend you go for 2 hours.

Twofish

Hi Daliadee, I look at it like this, your priority is 1; to stay sober or 2; start drinking. There is no such thing as being kinda sober or kinda drinking. I like what Scott suggested. Very wise idea! Good luck on a most difficult decision so early into your sobriety!

Carlotta

Talk to your friend and explain to her that you are in early sobriety. Send her a nice gift too. If she is a real friend, she will understand and be supportive that you are taking care of your health. If she throws a Bridzilla fit, then she was not a friend but a drinking buddy.
Another alternative is that if you know of a friend who does not drink and is going, to attach yourself to that person.

Good luck

Dee74

some great advice here dahlia

a weekend long bachelorette party means one thing - honestly? chances are you'll either end up drinking, or totally, resentful, out of place and miserable.

I'd find something else to do with your friend - something meaningful

D

TopFlight

I passed on a weekend long Vegas trip for one of my good friend's bday early in my sobriety. They had giant suite, rented cabanas, bottle service in the club, but I honestly didn't feel it was right for me to go. It was a battle I was going back and fourth about, but I just couldn't pull the trigger. Now I'm over 2 months sober and feel better than ever.

Needless to say, I never once regretted that decision since then

james872

I'd just say I was sick and not go. In the long run, two things are true:

- If it triggers you to drink again, it can ruin your life.
- Everyone will forget eventually. Life goes on. You were simply sick that weekend, too bad you couldn't make it, etc. No big deal.

Make sobriety your priority. Everyone can get a viral infection or a stomach bug at any time, so just pretend you have one. Start to fake feeling sick a few days ahead of time and you'll be fine.

If you think you're doing something wrong by lying, you're wrong. It's for a good purpose. Your friends would understand.

Also, being sober and staying sober is so much more important. You have to choose to do this for yourself. Sometimes that's just necessary.

And think about it like this: in the long run, your friends will be better off with a sober you than an alcoholic you and so is everyone else around you. Which is in turn better for you as well. It's a positive cycle.

I'd lie for this. It's a good lie.

wpainterw

Don't go, even though it's a very old friend. Explain to them that you've quit drinking and can't possibly take the risk. You say that you're "committed". Yes, you are- "committed" to yourself to stop drinking. That commitment trumps all others. No one, no one has the right to take that away from you. Do you really want to stop? If you do, then don't go.

W.

bigsombrero

Like others, I think it would be best to avoid this gathering. I know it will be tough to change your plans, but Carlotta gave you some good advice about talking with your friend. There are simply too many pitfalls, this is the type of situation that recovering alcoholics must avoid, in my experience. Good luck, I'm sorry you're going through this tough time.

phoebe64

My relapses often happen when I am committed to a party or event or holiday. They have happened on Christmas, a big 50th party for a long time friend, Thanksgiving, and a couple of vacations.

Those big events are too tempting, and others are looking for companionship in drinking.

Just know that before you choose to go.

jaynie04

I have to love myself enough right now to know that old situations could mean triggering a relapse. I don't feel that I have enough time under my belt to be in situations where I will feel like I am missing out.

I feel like I am relearning how to live life. Right now I still have the training wheels on. My family and good friends understand that this is a major decision, one that needs to come before anything.

If I was the bride and my dear friend was doing something that may save her life, then the best wedding gift I could get was for her to take care of herself. Give your friend the gift of your health and well-being!

wpainterw

[QUOTE=jaynie04;4154186
: If I was the bride and my dear friend was doing something that may save her life, then the best wedding gift I could get was for her to take care of herself. Give your friend the gift of your health and well-being![/QUOTE]

Dahiladee: Yes, If she is really the true friend you say she is, then she will understand. And if you go to the party and relapse, possibly get drunk in front of her, you would very likely spoil the party for her and make her sad. Call in sick. Alcoholism is a sickness. You will not be lying.

W.

wpainterw

EndgameNYC: So you actually intend to relapse! Interesting that you admit it. Usually it's covered up with denial. You are an exception. You are being honest with yourself. So it seems you have not really committed yourself to sobriety. That will take more time for you. And, it's being Labor Day, it's going to be a "long" weekend. Under the circumstances your avatar is interesting.

W.

Carlotta

I think that Endgame was reposting the OP's original post without the layers of denial and showed it for what it truly was.

DahliaDee, I hope you will listen to us. Lots of good advice, one of the posters has decades of continuous sobriety, another one had 21 years sober then relapsed..this crowd knows what they are talking about. Don't play Russian roulette with alcohol.

Take care of yourself.