coco8

Hi, I wrote on here about a year ago and am now in college. I don't feel like rewriting my past, but I am at a crossroads at the moment. I am happy to be here and am not homesick whatsoever. However, my parents are currently in the process of being divorced and I have been caught in the middle all summer. I also worked in hot weather, and for the most part it was a miserable summer. My father started drinking again around my Grandmother's death this past December. I had just begun to forgive him. He drank at my graduation dinner and has continued to do so throughout this year, but insists he "has it under control." I told him that I do not want him drinking again after my grandmother's funeral and after graduation. Yet he decides again to have beers with his friends. Can an alcoholic drink again without having troubles? He seems to be spiraling again. Is he relapsing? He got his own place and texts me often but I really would rather not talk to him. However, due to financial issues, I must keep talking to him until the end of the fall. My question is should I get him help and should I try to establish a relationship with him? I have had so much stress over his issues throughout the years and I still feel like I am babysitting him from college. I have little family left and my dad's side of the family no longer speaks to me. I feel very alone as I don't want my mom to deal with him any longer.

Seren

Hello coco, Welcome back!

It's so hard to watch people we love spin out of control and realize there is nothing we can do about it. The sad truth is that no matter how many times you tell your father you don't want him to drink, he will if he wants to.

I really hope that you will stick around and educate yourself as much as possible about alcoholism. If your campus offers counseling services, you might want to make an appointment to talk to someone in person.

The most important thing that I hope you will come to understand is that you are not responsible for your father. He is a grown man who is perfectly capable of making his own decisions and dealing with the consequences.

I hope that you can find some distraction and distance in your course work. Please take good care, and come here and vent all you need!

coco8

Seren,

Thank you for your reply! I am embarrassed to go to the counseling services at my school at the moment, and I think it costs money, but I may end up going. Thank you for the suggestion. You are completely right, I guess I have just hit a wall of guilt now that I left my mom to herself and my dad to himself. I sometimes feel that it is my fault, even though deep down I know it isn't. I hope that he will get help again soon, and even though I have considered it, I don't think I can help him by having an intervention again. Lucky for me, college has been keeping me very busy! Again, thank you!

Seren

I completely understand about that guilt thing....it's only natural. Please consider calling the counseling center. They are usually great at maintaining strict privacy practices, and you usually will get a certain number of visits free as a full-time student

Keep coming back here, too. We get it--really.

Recovering2

Congrats on going to college...that should be an exciting time in your life as you figure out your life path!!!

Your Dad is a grown man, and has the right to make his own decisions. Even when, sadly, the choices he makes are poor ones, they are still his to make. You can't save him from that. It is a progressive disease, so the longer he continues with the relapses the worse it will get for him. He can't avoid "troubles" if he keeps going back to alcohol. Again, that's his issue to deal with.

If you have to remain in communication for now, set boundaries for yourself. Ex: don't talk to him if you can tell he's been drinking. Keep your conversations brief and to the point. Don't take calls or text after 9pm. It really is possible to stay detached and get yourself through this semester.

I agree with the campus counseling office. Due to HIPPA laws, they are obligated to keep it all confidential. Maybe find an AlAnon group near you, there may even be a campus group. That would be a GREAT place for you to find support and strength from others who totally get your situation.

Keep your eye on the prize. You can't be responsible for your parents lives, but you are responsible for yours. Focus on school and staying healthy. HUGS!!!!

fourmaggie

offer your mother and yourself the gift of AL ANON...

but now you....you can have good set boundaries and stick with them! i know this is hard because you are LOYAL to our parent(s)....but now, you are on your own now, and now you have choices....

he may not like your boundaries...BUT that is not YOUR PROBLEM...

i remember the 1st time i set boundaries with my parents...my mom was fine, but my dad was not...he broke it once, and as he walked out the door i reminded of it again, and told him if he does this again, i will not let him in my house AGAIN....never happened, that was 4 years ago....

ooh and they will also call you SELFISH, that because they cant maniluplate you anymore...again, not your problem...

all the best...