Stuck today, need help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Stuck today, need help
Feel very anxious. Lethargic in a kind of wired way - see so much that I need to do, but can't make myself do much of anything. Can't figure out what is going on with me.
Here's the laundry list of what's going on. Bought my house in July, went away for 2 weeks to run a conference. Came home and went to house co-owned w/xAH to fix it up more for sale. Didn't sell. Again. Had to lower price, which XAH finally agreed to after some trouble. Have boxes all over my new house. Wednesday am moving rest of my stuff from my old house. Been up there packing. More boxes, but I can't stand going the 3 hrs. RT to sort them up there. Everytime I go there, XAH shows up even when he's supposed to be living w/new girlfriend, 2 hrs away. Can't get him off my mind. He sends random e-mails. Still have to have contact to deal w/house. Fixing up new house - furnace dead, got town to do gas conversion. Found contractor. Getting quotes.
My grown daughter's birthday is this weekend and she and her BF and my grown son, DIL, and 15 month old twins coming tomorrow morning. Can't make myself clean anything. Ate a whole HUGE bag of corn curls AND a whole pint of Ben & Jerry ice cream at noon. NEVER do that. Been years. Went to sleep all afternoon. Didn't even bake the birthday cake yet.
Know I have PTSD from XAH. Thought I was doing better. WAS doing better. Lonely. Mostly have been contented alone, but lonely now. XAH has almost moved in with GF. Good riddance, but why am I alone? Well, I am alone because that is what I want to be. So why am I unhappy? I chose this. I want this. This is my new life.
I am stuck, like a ship with its sails empty of wind. Can't go forward, can't go back. Wanted this new house to look great, but seem to be refusing to clean it up. UGH. Having a major "not doing" experience.
Help!
ShootingStar1
Here's the laundry list of what's going on. Bought my house in July, went away for 2 weeks to run a conference. Came home and went to house co-owned w/xAH to fix it up more for sale. Didn't sell. Again. Had to lower price, which XAH finally agreed to after some trouble. Have boxes all over my new house. Wednesday am moving rest of my stuff from my old house. Been up there packing. More boxes, but I can't stand going the 3 hrs. RT to sort them up there. Everytime I go there, XAH shows up even when he's supposed to be living w/new girlfriend, 2 hrs away. Can't get him off my mind. He sends random e-mails. Still have to have contact to deal w/house. Fixing up new house - furnace dead, got town to do gas conversion. Found contractor. Getting quotes.
My grown daughter's birthday is this weekend and she and her BF and my grown son, DIL, and 15 month old twins coming tomorrow morning. Can't make myself clean anything. Ate a whole HUGE bag of corn curls AND a whole pint of Ben & Jerry ice cream at noon. NEVER do that. Been years. Went to sleep all afternoon. Didn't even bake the birthday cake yet.
Know I have PTSD from XAH. Thought I was doing better. WAS doing better. Lonely. Mostly have been contented alone, but lonely now. XAH has almost moved in with GF. Good riddance, but why am I alone? Well, I am alone because that is what I want to be. So why am I unhappy? I chose this. I want this. This is my new life.
I am stuck, like a ship with its sails empty of wind. Can't go forward, can't go back. Wanted this new house to look great, but seem to be refusing to clean it up. UGH. Having a major "not doing" experience.
Help!
ShootingStar1
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Alabama
Posts: 164
Your kids and grandchildren are coming to see you. They love you. They don't care if the house is a mess or not. And I bet it would make them feel good to lend a hand and help you unpack and arrange things when they are there. I think you are putting too much pressure in yourself to have everything done, finished and perfect. Take a deep breath and remember all you have accomplished this far.
I would be thrilled if I went to visit my parents and they asked for my help with arranging or unpacking. It would give me great pleasure to know they thought enough of me as an adult to confide that they had a bad day and that they would love some help. And as the mom of twins myself, I would have given anything if someone would have played with the twins and given me a break. And I would have unpacked and cleaned ten homes for that mental responsibility of the twins for only a few hours!
I would be thrilled if I went to visit my parents and they asked for my help with arranging or unpacking. It would give me great pleasure to know they thought enough of me as an adult to confide that they had a bad day and that they would love some help. And as the mom of twins myself, I would have given anything if someone would have played with the twins and given me a break. And I would have unpacked and cleaned ten homes for that mental responsibility of the twins for only a few hours!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
I wonder sometimes
if I'm just making an excuse
but
the bottom line for me is
as long as I don't drink
I need to be happy with just that
have I taken this too far at times and neglected my obligations
I truly do think so
but
I have noticed that with some good sober time under my belt
I'm getting better at getting what has to be done
finally completed in most all cases
to an extent be easy on yourself
I beat myself up often
just not sure if too much is healthy ??
Mountainman
if I'm just making an excuse
but
the bottom line for me is
as long as I don't drink
I need to be happy with just that
have I taken this too far at times and neglected my obligations
I truly do think so
but
I have noticed that with some good sober time under my belt
I'm getting better at getting what has to be done
finally completed in most all cases
to an extent be easy on yourself
I beat myself up often
just not sure if too much is healthy ??
Mountainman
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Star, you've had a lot on your plate these past few months. Every so often I think we just suffer from (sometimes delayed) overload. It doesn't mean something is "wrong"--it just means you need to regroup. Cut yourself a little slack. Let yourself feel weird, or lonely, or whatever it is that you feel. It won't last--these things pass.
As they say, keep calm and carry on. Freaking out over feelings is the best way to mess yourself up--it is for me, anyway.
As they say, keep calm and carry on. Freaking out over feelings is the best way to mess yourself up--it is for me, anyway.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New York
Posts: 877
I'm sorry you are feeling that way.. I have been feeling kidn of similarly and can't seem to get myself unstuck. So, I can't offer you too much sage advice. I just wanted to say I think I understand, and really appreciate your image of a boat with its sails down.
The advice you have been given so far is great. It has helped me too.Thanks, all.
HUGS (and a gust of wind in your sails)
The advice you have been given so far is great. It has helped me too.Thanks, all.
HUGS (and a gust of wind in your sails)
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: England, UK
Posts: 257
Originally Posted by new beginnings 
Your kids and grandchildren are coming to see you. They love you. They don't care if the house is a mess or not. And I bet it would make them feel good to lend a hand and help you unpack and arrange things when they are there. I think you are putting too much pressure in yourself to have everything done, finished and perfect. Take a deep breath and remember all you have accomplished this far.
I would be thrilled if I went to visit my parents and they asked for my help with arranging or unpacking. It would give me great pleasure to know they thought enough of me as an adult to confide that they had a bad day and that they would love some help. And as the mom of twins myself, I would have given anything if someone would have played with the twins and given me a break. And I would have unpacked and cleaned ten homes for that mental responsibility of the twins for only a few hours!
I would be thrilled if I went to visit my parents and they asked for my help with arranging or unpacking. It would give me great pleasure to know they thought enough of me as an adult to confide that they had a bad day and that they would love some help. And as the mom of twins myself, I would have given anything if someone would have played with the twins and given me a break. And I would have unpacked and cleaned ten homes for that mental responsibility of the twins for only a few hours!
I find when I have so much on and its the time I really need to sort it out I feel a similar way. Start with something very small and ignore the rest. Doesn't even have to be related to your pressing problems, just do something, anything. I find once I'm moving the next step is no so big. (hugs)
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
I learned in a training, that EVERYONE who undergoes deep, lasting transformation....feels stuck as part of their journey.
Inexplicably, struggling, terribly stuck.
It happens when we least expect it. I happens when we have been working so hard to let go of the old, that we have not completely had a chance to let it all integrate, and settle into the new.
I am sorry about how you are feeling. Happy weekend, birthday etc with your family.
Inexplicably, struggling, terribly stuck.
It happens when we least expect it. I happens when we have been working so hard to let go of the old, that we have not completely had a chance to let it all integrate, and settle into the new.
I am sorry about how you are feeling. Happy weekend, birthday etc with your family.
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 150
Originally Posted by ShootingStar1
Feel very anxious. Lethargic in a kind of wired way - see so much that I need to do, but can't make myself do much of anything. Can't figure out what is going on with me.
Here's the laundry list of what's going on. Bought my house in July, went away for 2 weeks to run a conference. Came home and went to house co-owned w/xAH to fix it up more for sale. Didn't sell. Again. Had to lower price, which XAH finally agreed to after some trouble. Have boxes all over my new house. Wednesday am moving rest of my stuff from my old house. Been up there packing. More boxes, but I can't stand going the 3 hrs. RT to sort them up there. Everytime I go there, XAH shows up even when he's supposed to be living w/new girlfriend, 2 hrs away. Can't get him off my mind. He sends random e-mails. Still have to have contact to deal w/house. Fixing up new house - furnace dead, got town to do gas conversion. Found contractor. Getting quotes.
My grown daughter's birthday is this weekend and she and her BF and my grown son, DIL, and 15 month old twins coming tomorrow morning. Can't make myself clean anything. Ate a whole HUGE bag of corn curls AND a whole pint of Ben & Jerry ice cream at noon. NEVER do that. Been years. Went to sleep all afternoon. Didn't even bake the birthday cake yet.
Know I have PTSD from XAH. Thought I was doing better. WAS doing better. Lonely. Mostly have been contented alone, but lonely now. XAH has almost moved in with GF. Good riddance, but why am I alone? Well, I am alone because that is what I want to be. So why am I unhappy? I chose this. I want this. This is my new life.
I am stuck, like a ship with its sails empty of wind. Can't go forward, can't go back. Wanted this new house to look great, but seem to be refusing to clean it up. UGH. Having a major "not doing" experience.
Help!
ShootingStar1
Here's the laundry list of what's going on. Bought my house in July, went away for 2 weeks to run a conference. Came home and went to house co-owned w/xAH to fix it up more for sale. Didn't sell. Again. Had to lower price, which XAH finally agreed to after some trouble. Have boxes all over my new house. Wednesday am moving rest of my stuff from my old house. Been up there packing. More boxes, but I can't stand going the 3 hrs. RT to sort them up there. Everytime I go there, XAH shows up even when he's supposed to be living w/new girlfriend, 2 hrs away. Can't get him off my mind. He sends random e-mails. Still have to have contact to deal w/house. Fixing up new house - furnace dead, got town to do gas conversion. Found contractor. Getting quotes.
My grown daughter's birthday is this weekend and she and her BF and my grown son, DIL, and 15 month old twins coming tomorrow morning. Can't make myself clean anything. Ate a whole HUGE bag of corn curls AND a whole pint of Ben & Jerry ice cream at noon. NEVER do that. Been years. Went to sleep all afternoon. Didn't even bake the birthday cake yet.
Know I have PTSD from XAH. Thought I was doing better. WAS doing better. Lonely. Mostly have been contented alone, but lonely now. XAH has almost moved in with GF. Good riddance, but why am I alone? Well, I am alone because that is what I want to be. So why am I unhappy? I chose this. I want this. This is my new life.
I am stuck, like a ship with its sails empty of wind. Can't go forward, can't go back. Wanted this new house to look great, but seem to be refusing to clean it up. UGH. Having a major "not doing" experience.
Help!
ShootingStar1
I've been reading your posts the last few months. And I can tell you that I got a lot of strength from reading them.
Even the strongest, most determined of us gets stuck. Happened to me last two weeks...
Here's why, as explained by my T.
Major events coming up. The possible sale of the house, the furnace, life still moving on and spinning around us... Yes, these are good things BUT it's all about change. And we human beings have a hard time with change. I know I do. Both good and bad change. Still sets me back a bit... where I have to recoup my energy in any way I can. Sometimes that's by wanting to do absolutely nothing.
Be kind to you today... treat yourself, wrap your heart in bubble wrap... and realize you need care and love. Reach out to those who love you, tell them how you are feeling, and listen to the love that comes back to you.
Because you are strong, you are loved and you are amazing.
Lyn
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