The Scary Idea of Forever
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 71
The Scary Idea of Forever
It's been 28 days now since my last drink and I'm feeling pretty good about it. It's nice not feeling sick, or embarassed or like I blew a bunch of money or any of those things that happen when I drink too much. I've also lost a couple pounds and been feeling pretty good about myself.
My fiancee and I agreed to try and stop drinking. This is not my first time "stopping", but it is the first time he is making a concerted effort. However, the whole quitting forever thing scares him (like it scares me) so we said we would just start with August. Then, maybe September, maybe so on, but for now, August.
Well, August is over and now I'm worried. I've tried to be pretty clear about wanting to just not drink ever, but I don't know if he is ready. In all fairness, I do not even know if I would say he has a problem and if so, it is certainly not anything like mine. I don't want to pick his drinking habits apart here, but I can say that he is much more in control with alcohol than I am.
I don't want to drink because I don't trust myself. But I DO want to drink. I know I shouldn't but it's really frustrating sometimes. If he decides to drink after the month is over, I know he will be respectful if I ask him not to drink around me. I am just not sure how I feel. Now that I don't have hangovers and remorse from drunken antics to feel bad about, it opens me up to all new things to be stressed and worried over.
So I have no plans to drink here, but I realize that although the beginning of sobriety can feel very uplifting, it doesn't mean life is all of the sudden awesome all of time.
(side note, I am pretty happy most of the time. just a little sad and thoughtful tonight)
My fiancee and I agreed to try and stop drinking. This is not my first time "stopping", but it is the first time he is making a concerted effort. However, the whole quitting forever thing scares him (like it scares me) so we said we would just start with August. Then, maybe September, maybe so on, but for now, August.
Well, August is over and now I'm worried. I've tried to be pretty clear about wanting to just not drink ever, but I don't know if he is ready. In all fairness, I do not even know if I would say he has a problem and if so, it is certainly not anything like mine. I don't want to pick his drinking habits apart here, but I can say that he is much more in control with alcohol than I am.
I don't want to drink because I don't trust myself. But I DO want to drink. I know I shouldn't but it's really frustrating sometimes. If he decides to drink after the month is over, I know he will be respectful if I ask him not to drink around me. I am just not sure how I feel. Now that I don't have hangovers and remorse from drunken antics to feel bad about, it opens me up to all new things to be stressed and worried over.
So I have no plans to drink here, but I realize that although the beginning of sobriety can feel very uplifting, it doesn't mean life is all of the sudden awesome all of time.
(side note, I am pretty happy most of the time. just a little sad and thoughtful tonight)
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,393
Hi Writing, congratulations on 28 days. Do you have any posts to go back and read from your drinking days? The reasons are still the same. I'm over 3 years sober. The idea of forever is not possible to grasp. It's one day at a time. And then another day. Best wishes.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
I've said this multiple times here, and I'll keep saying it because it worked for me.
When I quit drinking, I had to look at drinking in the same fashion as someone who'd lost a limb. When your arm's been chopped off, you will mourn the loss. But deep inside, you know it's not going to grow back. It just doesn't happen. Gone. Done. And I grieved for that loss, I beat down the doors with rage that I could never drink again. I complained, whined, moaned, YELLED, and bullied around the house thinking about how unfair it was. But eventually, that stage ended. I started to focus on living without drinking - just like a person without an arm would eventually have to start learning how to live. I got some tools to cope with my rage. But more importantly I learned to look at life differently. Because the drinking is NOT coming back.
That's seriously the best way I can describe my feelings towards alcohol. Just look at drinking again as something that's impossible. Move on past it, and focus on learning how to live a sober life. Take that temptation and "hopes" of drinking away from your life. Let it go, let it be gone forever. Cope and grieve appropriately. Now. Let's move on.
Good luck.
When I quit drinking, I had to look at drinking in the same fashion as someone who'd lost a limb. When your arm's been chopped off, you will mourn the loss. But deep inside, you know it's not going to grow back. It just doesn't happen. Gone. Done. And I grieved for that loss, I beat down the doors with rage that I could never drink again. I complained, whined, moaned, YELLED, and bullied around the house thinking about how unfair it was. But eventually, that stage ended. I started to focus on living without drinking - just like a person without an arm would eventually have to start learning how to live. I got some tools to cope with my rage. But more importantly I learned to look at life differently. Because the drinking is NOT coming back.
That's seriously the best way I can describe my feelings towards alcohol. Just look at drinking again as something that's impossible. Move on past it, and focus on learning how to live a sober life. Take that temptation and "hopes" of drinking away from your life. Let it go, let it be gone forever. Cope and grieve appropriately. Now. Let's move on.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Center of Mass
Posts: 622
Congratulations on 28 days. That's wonderful. I'm trying to focus on today because forever is a long ways off.
As long as I don't drink today the horrible things that happen when I drink won't happen today. I guess the days will accumulate into a bit of forever. I hope so.
As long as I don't drink today the horrible things that happen when I drink won't happen today. I guess the days will accumulate into a bit of forever. I hope so.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 776
Now that I don't have hangovers and remorse from drunken antics to feel bad about, it opens me up to all new things to be stressed and worried over.
So I have no plans to drink here, but I realize that although the beginning of sobriety can feel very uplifting, it doesn't mean life is all of the sudden awesome all of time.
So I have no plans to drink here, but I realize that although the beginning of sobriety can feel very uplifting, it doesn't mean life is all of the sudden awesome all of time.
Sobriety makes you face yourself and your life and its all start of growth and to begin to make your live and yourself better. Great to hear you doing well
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Hello Writing:
It's best not to look ahead too far. It's simply wonderful that you have been able to get this far in sobriety since the first few weeks and months are the toughest and the most dangerous for possible relapse.
I suggest that two things are fairly clear. One is that if you are indeed an alcoholic, any resumption of drinking is very, very likely to be disastrous, pulling you back into the situation you were in before and, with continued drinking, likely much worse. This has been proved time and time again by thousands, tens of thousands of alcoholics who have tried it. Many alcoholics don't believe this and have to prove it for themselves.
The second thing, something that I at least have found true but which I think others have also found, is that, as time goes on, it gets easier and easier to do without drinking. You have to remain on your guard but the old craving to self medicate gradually diminishes.
Put these two together and it looks like your best bet is to remain sober. Good luck.
W.
It's best not to look ahead too far. It's simply wonderful that you have been able to get this far in sobriety since the first few weeks and months are the toughest and the most dangerous for possible relapse.
I suggest that two things are fairly clear. One is that if you are indeed an alcoholic, any resumption of drinking is very, very likely to be disastrous, pulling you back into the situation you were in before and, with continued drinking, likely much worse. This has been proved time and time again by thousands, tens of thousands of alcoholics who have tried it. Many alcoholics don't believe this and have to prove it for themselves.
The second thing, something that I at least have found true but which I think others have also found, is that, as time goes on, it gets easier and easier to do without drinking. You have to remain on your guard but the old craving to self medicate gradually diminishes.
Put these two together and it looks like your best bet is to remain sober. Good luck.
W.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Michigan
Posts: 34
You will learn that its impossible and not fair to yourself to ever say "I will never drink again". I can say that I will not drink today though. It really is one day at a time as none of has a time machine and knows what tomorrow is going throw at us.
Just glad to be sober today.
Just glad to be sober today.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 3,550
Originally Posted by ChefWolverine 
You will learn that its impossible and not fair to yourself to ever say "I will never drink again". I can say that I will not drink today though. It really is one day at a time as none of has a time machine and knows what tomorrow is going throw at us.
Just glad to be sober today.
Just glad to be sober today.
So I don't miss it. Not at all. I hardly ever think about it. I now have other health concerns and concerns for my wife and family. These I handle with a doctor's advice and care and looking at the issues "one week at a time", etc.
W.
W.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 544
Friend-
Don't worry about tomorrow. Don't worry about next week. Don't worry about next month and don't worry about next year. Instead, put all of your energy into staying clean and sober today and today, only. The simpler you make a goal, the more achievable it becomes and right now, you want this particular goal to look as tiny as possible.
Why jump over a hurdle when you can walk over a stick?
Good luck and God Bless
Don't worry about tomorrow. Don't worry about next week. Don't worry about next month and don't worry about next year. Instead, put all of your energy into staying clean and sober today and today, only. The simpler you make a goal, the more achievable it becomes and right now, you want this particular goal to look as tiny as possible.
Why jump over a hurdle when you can walk over a stick?
Good luck and God Bless
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
the whole "forever" thing goes away after a while. I now look at it as the last "hook" of the addiction. I think as the biology changes I became more relaxed. As another poster said there is no real place as forever- it is always "now" and "today".
Let the future unfold
Let the future unfold
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 3,785
Congrats on 28 days!
Ain't it the truth. Life happens when we least expect it.
When I stopped drinking I felt free, finally. It was over. I had fought so hard and so long. I was tired, so very tired.
I am free and I want to stay free, forever.
Originally Posted by WritingHelps
So I have no plans to drink here, but I realize that although the beginning of sobriety can feel very uplifting, it doesn't mean life is all of the sudden awesome all of time.
When I stopped drinking I felt free, finally. It was over. I had fought so hard and so long. I was tired, so very tired.
I am free and I want to stay free, forever.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
WritingHelps...28 days is great....but there are a few threads here on how it can be a bit of a dangerous time. You have that nice little gap of sobriety....and the moderation/AV crazy thoughts happen about 'bargaining' on how if you can be sober for a month, then surely you can safely have just a few. Be on guard and remember how awful you felt and what made you decide to choose sobriety!
Bigsombrero....your post below is amazing. Thank you, You are right. Those days are over...I know it in my heart nothing will be the same again and I've made my choice.
Bigsombrero....your post below is amazing. Thank you, You are right. Those days are over...I know it in my heart nothing will be the same again and I've made my choice.
Originally Posted by bigsombrero
I've said this multiple times here, and I'll keep saying it because it worked for me.
When I quit drinking, I had to look at drinking in the same fashion as someone who'd lost a limb. When your arm's been chopped off, you will mourn the loss. But deep inside, you know it's not going to grow back. It just doesn't happen. Gone. Done. And I grieved for that loss, I beat down the doors with rage that I could never drink again. I complained, whined, moaned, YELLED, and bullied around the house thinking about how unfair it was. But eventually, that stage ended. I started to focus on living without drinking - just like a person without an arm would eventually have to start learning how to live. I got some tools to cope with my rage. But more importantly I learned to look at life differently. Because the drinking is NOT coming back.
That's seriously the best way I can describe my feelings towards alcohol. Just look at drinking again as something that's impossible. Move on past it, and focus on learning how to live a sober life. Take that temptation and "hopes" of drinking away from your life. Let it go, let it be gone forever. Cope and grieve appropriately. Now. Let's move on.
Good luck.
When I quit drinking, I had to look at drinking in the same fashion as someone who'd lost a limb. When your arm's been chopped off, you will mourn the loss. But deep inside, you know it's not going to grow back. It just doesn't happen. Gone. Done. And I grieved for that loss, I beat down the doors with rage that I could never drink again. I complained, whined, moaned, YELLED, and bullied around the house thinking about how unfair it was. But eventually, that stage ended. I started to focus on living without drinking - just like a person without an arm would eventually have to start learning how to live. I got some tools to cope with my rage. But more importantly I learned to look at life differently. Because the drinking is NOT coming back.
That's seriously the best way I can describe my feelings towards alcohol. Just look at drinking again as something that's impossible. Move on past it, and focus on learning how to live a sober life. Take that temptation and "hopes" of drinking away from your life. Let it go, let it be gone forever. Cope and grieve appropriately. Now. Let's move on.
Good luck.
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