When you can't decide if you want a life of sobriety.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2
When you can't decide if you want a life of sobriety.
Hello. I'm new here.
I can finally admit to myself out loud, that I have a problem.
I'm 30, and started drinking socially around 23... I started drinking alone around 26 or 27.
I had experienced full blown alcohol withdrawal two or three times by the age of 28.
I've never been to recovery, and I've never admitted to anyone else that it's a problem. This habit has left me almost perpetually broke.
I'm not a daily drinker, though there was a point where I'd be drunk for weeks at a time. Buying alcohol at 6am holds no stigma for me. It hasn't for years.
The hardest part for me will be to deal with the fact, that I don't really see getting on that well without it. For me, I was introduced to the joys of drinking during a period of real self discovery. Before booze, I was introverted, shy, and very non-social.
After a couple of drinks, though I became friendly, funny, confident, and soon discovered that people really did like me afterall.
Ontop of that, music sounds better with a buzz. Jokes are funnier. The future seems okay. How can I leave all this behind?
I feel my big problem is that I've attached such a large part of my personality to the bottle, and instead of trying to find a way to abstain from it, I worked miracles on how to justify it.
I'll give more details the longer I hang out on this forum, but I really had to get this out there and see if anyone can relate.
Thanks for reading.
-a
edit: perhaps this should be moved to the Alcoholism forum... sorry!
I can finally admit to myself out loud, that I have a problem.
I'm 30, and started drinking socially around 23... I started drinking alone around 26 or 27.
I had experienced full blown alcohol withdrawal two or three times by the age of 28.
I've never been to recovery, and I've never admitted to anyone else that it's a problem. This habit has left me almost perpetually broke.
I'm not a daily drinker, though there was a point where I'd be drunk for weeks at a time. Buying alcohol at 6am holds no stigma for me. It hasn't for years.
The hardest part for me will be to deal with the fact, that I don't really see getting on that well without it. For me, I was introduced to the joys of drinking during a period of real self discovery. Before booze, I was introverted, shy, and very non-social.
After a couple of drinks, though I became friendly, funny, confident, and soon discovered that people really did like me afterall.
Ontop of that, music sounds better with a buzz. Jokes are funnier. The future seems okay. How can I leave all this behind?
I feel my big problem is that I've attached such a large part of my personality to the bottle, and instead of trying to find a way to abstain from it, I worked miracles on how to justify it.
I'll give more details the longer I hang out on this forum, but I really had to get this out there and see if anyone can relate.
Thanks for reading.
-a
edit: perhaps this should be moved to the Alcoholism forum... sorry!
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 737
Welcome to SR 
Something in you, must at least be worrying about your situation and in truth, if you've been getting 'full blown withdrawals' for as long as you say, then your choice of 'leaving it all behind' might not be your choice - nature might make that choice for you!
Have you ever watched 'Rain in my heart' - you can see it on YouTube.
Might be worth a little look
Something in you, must at least be worrying about your situation and in truth, if you've been getting 'full blown withdrawals' for as long as you say, then your choice of 'leaving it all behind' might not be your choice - nature might make that choice for you!
Have you ever watched 'Rain in my heart' - you can see it on YouTube.
Might be worth a little look
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
From the little I've read...you are likely an introvert baffled and amazed by your alcohol fuelled extroversion. I can certainly relate. Great things are achieved by introverts...spectacularly creative and wondrous things. Society celebrates the extrovert but where would it truly be without the introvert? I often the consider the old English version of "Barrister & Solicitor" as it pertains to law. I interpret it as one as the thinker..and one as the performer; one who relays the work of the introvert.
I too was so long baffled by the bottle, I could not see what life would be without it. I am in the process of that discovery. And it is far more substantial and spectacular than the illusions of alcohol.
I too was so long baffled by the bottle, I could not see what life would be without it. I am in the process of that discovery. And it is far more substantial and spectacular than the illusions of alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: UK (England)
Posts: 2,782
Hi Aleister, welcome to SR. Admitting you have a problem is a great step towards getting better. From your post it seems that you are well aware of the negative impact that alcohol is having on your life and your health. I am 27 and i also felt like i would not be able to get along in life without alcohol. Every situation whether it be a negative one or a happy social one i used as an excuse to drink. I was also a quiet and reserved person by nature and when i started drinking i felt like i had found my thing. Alcohol initially made me more social, people more appealing and everything seemed to be more fun. It ended up very different for me. I ended up miserable, alone and confused. I ended up in a big mess.
I was so scared to get sober because i didn't have a clue how to live my life without a drink and it takes time to change old habits. I am now nearly 11 months sober and i can honestly tell you i am more social, more confident, more outgoing and i laugh more than i ever did when drinking. The idea that you need alcohol to have a good time in life and for people to like you is a big myth. No one liked me by the end of my drinking and i didn't like myself. Why not give sobriety a try and see how you feel?. The alternative in the end is prolonged misery and health problems. Fact is no one can go on drinking that way forever without reaching a point where you either stop and start to recover or you keep going and end up either dead or insane. Hope i was not too blunt. Lots of support and advice here. Wishing you the best.
I was so scared to get sober because i didn't have a clue how to live my life without a drink and it takes time to change old habits. I am now nearly 11 months sober and i can honestly tell you i am more social, more confident, more outgoing and i laugh more than i ever did when drinking. The idea that you need alcohol to have a good time in life and for people to like you is a big myth. No one liked me by the end of my drinking and i didn't like myself. Why not give sobriety a try and see how you feel?. The alternative in the end is prolonged misery and health problems. Fact is no one can go on drinking that way forever without reaching a point where you either stop and start to recover or you keep going and end up either dead or insane. Hope i was not too blunt. Lots of support and advice here. Wishing you the best.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,634
Hi Aleister -
Welcome to SR.
Think most of here can relate - we learned to live life with alcohol, and a life without can be a bit nerve racking. Good news is that it is possible to learn how to live and experience those joys, only sober. Frankly, getting sober is much more about learning how to live without alcohol, and less about not drinking.
Couple of tools to help you start your journey
1. Getting clarity - Make a list of the benefits of stopping vs. quitting. Most of us have our own personal list that has helped us make the personal decision of 'is it worth it'
2. Focus just on today - Tomorrow you can make a different decision.
Welcome to SR.
Think most of here can relate - we learned to live life with alcohol, and a life without can be a bit nerve racking. Good news is that it is possible to learn how to live and experience those joys, only sober. Frankly, getting sober is much more about learning how to live without alcohol, and less about not drinking.
Couple of tools to help you start your journey
1. Getting clarity - Make a list of the benefits of stopping vs. quitting. Most of us have our own personal list that has helped us make the personal decision of 'is it worth it'
2. Focus just on today - Tomorrow you can make a different decision.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Scandinavia
Posts: 1,344
I can relate to a lot of what you write, if I think 15 years back.
Today I am a lot more aware of the cost than the benefits, probably partly because alcohol changes our body so we end up getting few benefits while paying a lot of cost.
I am afraid it will not work in the long run what you are doing. I think many people that are doing drugs or drinking think that they are doing better intoxicated but we are not it feels like that but it is false I am not sure you are right when you say people like you better when drunk, but I can relate to it feels that way.
I have been sober soon 4 weeks it is undoubtedly that I am performing better, but it feels hard there is a lot of weight to be carried and a lot to go through.
I am sure that I am doing the right thing for me and my surroundings and do wish that I had realized this 15 years ago.
Welcome to SR, whatever you choose to do.
Today I am a lot more aware of the cost than the benefits, probably partly because alcohol changes our body so we end up getting few benefits while paying a lot of cost.
I am afraid it will not work in the long run what you are doing. I think many people that are doing drugs or drinking think that they are doing better intoxicated but we are not it feels like that but it is false I am not sure you are right when you say people like you better when drunk, but I can relate to it feels that way.
I have been sober soon 4 weeks it is undoubtedly that I am performing better, but it feels hard there is a lot of weight to be carried and a lot to go through.
I am sure that I am doing the right thing for me and my surroundings and do wish that I had realized this 15 years ago.
Welcome to SR, whatever you choose to do.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: NY
Posts: 227
I understand the thought that alcohol is a great benefit. I thought that for a long time. I thought it helped me relax, sleep better, enjoy this or that, helped me express myself, allowed me to access parts of my personality or psyche that were often hidden....
I have found a lot of those ideas to be untrue. I have also found that alcohol has done a lot of harm over the years to me. I have almost 'checked out' for a decade or so. I feel stunted by my relationship with alcohol emotionally, psychologically, in relationships with people and the world in general. I have hidden behind it from so much of life.
As i honestly began to asses my life and drinking, I decided that it was causing me far more harm than good. That's when i knew i had a problem because in the face of this knowledge I kept drinking. As I have struggled into recovery I began to see even more ways that i have negatively impacted myself by drinking.
The biggest thing I have learned it that I DO NOT WANT TO BE WHO I WAS. I didn't like myself or much around me when i was drinking. I couldn't see that at first. It took a lot of work and some sober time to really appreciate the truth of that statement.
Sorry for such a long response, but i hope my experience can help you.
I have found a lot of those ideas to be untrue. I have also found that alcohol has done a lot of harm over the years to me. I have almost 'checked out' for a decade or so. I feel stunted by my relationship with alcohol emotionally, psychologically, in relationships with people and the world in general. I have hidden behind it from so much of life.
As i honestly began to asses my life and drinking, I decided that it was causing me far more harm than good. That's when i knew i had a problem because in the face of this knowledge I kept drinking. As I have struggled into recovery I began to see even more ways that i have negatively impacted myself by drinking.
The biggest thing I have learned it that I DO NOT WANT TO BE WHO I WAS. I didn't like myself or much around me when i was drinking. I couldn't see that at first. It took a lot of work and some sober time to really appreciate the truth of that statement.
Sorry for such a long response, but i hope my experience can help you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
This forum is fine aleister - welcome
I spent many years convincing myself that my problem was not so bad...that it was just a phase...and then when that didn't really fly anymore I just resigned myself to the fact that my drinking defined me....
It also nearly, very literally, killed me.
I have a great life now and I like who I am. None of that would have been possible with me drinking. I found out not only was the real me not actually that guy at all, but the real me was a pretty good guy... a little quieter maybe, but authentic.
In all my years of drinking when I convinced myself things were ok, I was like the frog in a pan of cold water being bought slowing to the boil and never noticing...
my advice is jump out of the pot before its too late, Aleister
D
I spent many years convincing myself that my problem was not so bad...that it was just a phase...and then when that didn't really fly anymore I just resigned myself to the fact that my drinking defined me....
It also nearly, very literally, killed me.
I have a great life now and I like who I am. None of that would have been possible with me drinking. I found out not only was the real me not actually that guy at all, but the real me was a pretty good guy... a little quieter maybe, but authentic.
In all my years of drinking when I convinced myself things were ok, I was like the frog in a pan of cold water being bought slowing to the boil and never noticing...
my advice is jump out of the pot before its too late, Aleister
D
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Originally Posted by aleister 
I feel my big problem is that I've attached such a large part of my personality to the bottle, and instead of trying to find a way to abstain from it, I worked miracles on how to justify it.
Truth is it ain't all that great. You might think it is but it is a subtle trick. Alcohol doesn't actually make us more confident or funny, it just makes us drink. Have you ever seen those shows where they record drunk people. It's never pretty.
Maybe it would be worth checking out some recovery literature just for the hell of it, even if you haven't made up your mind. Or something like Allen Carr's easyway to control alcohol, or Jason Vale's book Kick the drink easily. Both are approaches that try and debunk the myths around alcohol which I found really helpful.
The sad thing is that often we have to quit even when we don't want to, because of health or social reasons, and then we find out, later than we'd like, that alcohol was a big con and we're better of without it
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne Australia.
Posts: 3,748
I found alcohol an extremely poor remedy for being extremely shy and introverted.
For a bit of pseudo 'letting go' we subject ourselves to physical illness and degrees of insanity. To varying degrees we live in a sick fantasy world, that one way or another sucks us in, and inevitably leaves us in a sick and sorry state.
Not much of an option at all really!
For a bit of pseudo 'letting go' we subject ourselves to physical illness and degrees of insanity. To varying degrees we live in a sick fantasy world, that one way or another sucks us in, and inevitably leaves us in a sick and sorry state.
Not much of an option at all really!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 25
aleister - Your story sounds A LOT like mine. My personality was very much attached to the bottle. People knew me as the "party guy" and expected when they'd see me I'd be beer in hand ready to joke and be loud. I can remember wanting to quit drinking in my mid 20s, somewhere around 25-26, but I remember telling myself "everyone expects the drunk guy so I'll just give it to them".
What people didn't know is that wasn't really me. They were getting this fake guy who secretly was very unhappy and knew there was a problem.
What people didn't know is that wasn't really me. They were getting this fake guy who secretly was very unhappy and knew there was a problem.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 355
I can relate. "But you guys like me better when I'm drinking." That's mostly because I was a cranky b--- until I had the next drink.
People also stop feeling the warm fuzzies when you don't remember a word of their heart-felt story from the night before.
Welcome!
That's mostly because I was a cranky b--- until I had the next drink. People also stop feeling the warm fuzzies when you don't remember a word of their heart-felt story from the night before.
Welcome!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,635
Hi And Welcome!!!
I understand where you are coming from. You are not yet at the place where alcohol has wrecked your life. Don't get me wrong, when I think of alcohol, it is not ALL doom and gloom. But I had to come to a place of acceptance that it just doesn't work for me anymore. Because I have to tell you that if you drink long enough, it WILL wreck your life.
I will have 11 months next week and this is a definite journey. And not always an easy one. I personally come here and read and share, go to AA and work the steps with a sponsor and also go to a therapist.
It is like a project getting and staying sober for me.
I am sure people with have a lot of great advice for you. All I can say is take it one day at a time and grab on to whatever support you can get. You can't do it alone.
I understand where you are coming from. You are not yet at the place where alcohol has wrecked your life. Don't get me wrong, when I think of alcohol, it is not ALL doom and gloom. But I had to come to a place of acceptance that it just doesn't work for me anymore. Because I have to tell you that if you drink long enough, it WILL wreck your life.
I will have 11 months next week and this is a definite journey. And not always an easy one. I personally come here and read and share, go to AA and work the steps with a sponsor and also go to a therapist.
It is like a project getting and staying sober for me.
I am sure people with have a lot of great advice for you. All I can say is take it one day at a time and grab on to whatever support you can get. You can't do it alone.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Gisborne New Zealand
Posts: 539
awesome advice here so I cant add much more except to say its your life when it comes down to it and I think all of us have felt like that. I loved my wine boy did I love my wine!! I loved nipping into the supermarket looking ( or so I thought) all sophisticated picking out expensive chardony savs etc. And sometimes if Im honest still miss that, still miss the mind altering experience ones get ..that everything is allright the company the music LIFE!! But I don't miss the disruption it caused the looks on my kids faces the tears of my mum when I wouldn't stop, the wastage of money the hangovers the vomiting the losing of ones bowel motions when you get totally pissed!! the losing of friends who cant stand been around you. So I lost my so called friend alcohol and I stood on my own two feet and now I have my children respecting me , a loving man who loves me no alcohol health issues no loss of respect to myself no loss of money been wasted, only you can make your choice at the end but I know for me theres no way in hell alcohol is coming back into my life!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Debary, Florida
Posts: 49
Originally Posted by aleister
Hello. I'm new here.
I can finally admit to myself out loud, that I have a problem.
I'm 30, and started drinking socially around 23... I started drinking alone around 26 or 27.
I had experienced full blown alcohol withdrawal two or three times by the age of 28.
I've never been to recovery, and I've never admitted to anyone else that it's a problem. This habit has left me almost perpetually broke.
I'm not a daily drinker, though there was a point where I'd be drunk for weeks at a time. Buying alcohol at 6am holds no stigma for me. It hasn't for years.
The hardest part for me will be to deal with the fact, that I don't really see getting on that well without it. For me, I was introduced to the joys of drinking during a period of real self discovery. Before booze, I was introverted, shy, and very non-social.
After a couple of drinks, though I became friendly, funny, confident, and soon discovered that people really did like me afterall.
Ontop of that, music sounds better with a buzz. Jokes are funnier. The future seems okay. How can I leave all this behind?
I feel my big problem is that I've attached such a large part of my personality to the bottle, and instead of trying to find a way to abstain from it, I worked miracles on how to justify it.
I'll give more details the longer I hang out on this forum, but I really had to get this out there and see if anyone can relate.
Thanks for reading.
-a
edit: perhaps this should be moved to the Alcoholism forum... sorry!
I can finally admit to myself out loud, that I have a problem.
I'm 30, and started drinking socially around 23... I started drinking alone around 26 or 27.
I had experienced full blown alcohol withdrawal two or three times by the age of 28.
I've never been to recovery, and I've never admitted to anyone else that it's a problem. This habit has left me almost perpetually broke.
I'm not a daily drinker, though there was a point where I'd be drunk for weeks at a time. Buying alcohol at 6am holds no stigma for me. It hasn't for years.
The hardest part for me will be to deal with the fact, that I don't really see getting on that well without it. For me, I was introduced to the joys of drinking during a period of real self discovery. Before booze, I was introverted, shy, and very non-social.
After a couple of drinks, though I became friendly, funny, confident, and soon discovered that people really did like me afterall.
Ontop of that, music sounds better with a buzz. Jokes are funnier. The future seems okay. How can I leave all this behind?
I feel my big problem is that I've attached such a large part of my personality to the bottle, and instead of trying to find a way to abstain from it, I worked miracles on how to justify it.
I'll give more details the longer I hang out on this forum, but I really had to get this out there and see if anyone can relate.
Thanks for reading.
-a
edit: perhaps this should be moved to the Alcoholism forum... sorry!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Debary, Florida
Posts: 49
Originally Posted by ZoeM
Welcome to SR
Something in you, must at least be worrying about your situation and in truth, if you've been getting 'full blown withdrawals' for as long as you say, then your choice of 'leaving it all behind' might not be your choice - nature might make that choice for you!
Have you ever watched 'Rain in my heart' - you can see it on YouTube.
Might be worth a little look
Something in you, must at least be worrying about your situation and in truth, if you've been getting 'full blown withdrawals' for as long as you say, then your choice of 'leaving it all behind' might not be your choice - nature might make that choice for you!
Have you ever watched 'Rain in my heart' - you can see it on YouTube.
Might be worth a little look
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 1,022
I know what you mean, but all that warm fuzzy feeling and being relaxed in social situations and having a buzz .. it's not enough to counterbalance all the awful stuff.
Plus that courage-in-a-bottle was just a crutch. Abusing it got in the way of developing real courage and confidence. It stunts your growth on many levels -- emotionally, career-ly (I don't think that is a word, but I do what I want), and it stymies ambition and sucks the joy out of you by inches.
For me it was just a huge relief to finally get out of my own way. Hobbies, interests, personal growth, long-term goals, it's like self-improvement Disneyland.
Plus that courage-in-a-bottle was just a crutch. Abusing it got in the way of developing real courage and confidence. It stunts your growth on many levels -- emotionally, career-ly (I don't think that is a word, but I do what I want), and it stymies ambition and sucks the joy out of you by inches.
For me it was just a huge relief to finally get out of my own way. Hobbies, interests, personal growth, long-term goals, it's like self-improvement Disneyland.
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