Help with crazy neighbor
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 3,095
Help with crazy neighbor
I could use some advice/help...
My neighbor is abused by her husband (or has been bc she told me so) and he is a drinking buddy of xAH. She decided to take up drinking more often too to deal with her H (again she told me this)....
In the past year she has gone from being a friend and supportive, to oddly supportive of xAH so much so that she has participated in being his mouthpiece and badmouthed me to a good friend who in turn believed her tales of how "crazy" I am and also pulled away...
It sounds too bizarre to be real, right? I tried to hold my head high and not be upset but my kids friendships have been impacted by this triangulation smear campaign and the neighbors have a 5 yr old who my 5 yr old was good pals with.
This summer the neighbor was content to have her kid play at my house and my girls re struct up a friendship with their daughter.
Yesterday xAH came over, made a scene and I called the police. The neighbors stood and watched it all then LIED to the cops when asked what they saw. I then spent the day getting texts from the neighbor telling me what a crazy b*itch I am and that "everyone" knows xAH is a victim of your craziness".
When I got home with the girls she shouted all of this at me from her window too. Then she spent the night staring at me like a stalker from her window and being vile in her texts to me.
My girls were in tears, don't understand and I too am hurt, confused and scared.
How does a known abuser (my xAH) suck in neighbors to this extent???
I am beginning to believe that in fact I AM crazy and it is me.
I do not feel safe living next door. I feel like I am being watched/judged/harassed and obviously asking them to stop has not worked.
This woman continues to rant about me to mutual friends and today I got a text from a mom whose daughter is my older daughters friend asking why I am harassing the neighbor.
My kids are losing friends left and right bc of this craziness and I am not reacting or responding to it and it's insane...
Advice??
Oh and the police in my town are sympathetic to xAH and when I call them I get nothing but attitude.... It was my word vs xAH and the neighbors yesterday and the cops were rude to ME!
Im at my wits end...
My neighbor is abused by her husband (or has been bc she told me so) and he is a drinking buddy of xAH. She decided to take up drinking more often too to deal with her H (again she told me this)....
In the past year she has gone from being a friend and supportive, to oddly supportive of xAH so much so that she has participated in being his mouthpiece and badmouthed me to a good friend who in turn believed her tales of how "crazy" I am and also pulled away...
It sounds too bizarre to be real, right? I tried to hold my head high and not be upset but my kids friendships have been impacted by this triangulation smear campaign and the neighbors have a 5 yr old who my 5 yr old was good pals with.
This summer the neighbor was content to have her kid play at my house and my girls re struct up a friendship with their daughter.
Yesterday xAH came over, made a scene and I called the police. The neighbors stood and watched it all then LIED to the cops when asked what they saw. I then spent the day getting texts from the neighbor telling me what a crazy b*itch I am and that "everyone" knows xAH is a victim of your craziness".
When I got home with the girls she shouted all of this at me from her window too. Then she spent the night staring at me like a stalker from her window and being vile in her texts to me.
My girls were in tears, don't understand and I too am hurt, confused and scared.
How does a known abuser (my xAH) suck in neighbors to this extent???
I am beginning to believe that in fact I AM crazy and it is me.
I do not feel safe living next door. I feel like I am being watched/judged/harassed and obviously asking them to stop has not worked.
This woman continues to rant about me to mutual friends and today I got a text from a mom whose daughter is my older daughters friend asking why I am harassing the neighbor.
My kids are losing friends left and right bc of this craziness and I am not reacting or responding to it and it's insane...
Advice??
Oh and the police in my town are sympathetic to xAH and when I call them I get nothing but attitude.... It was my word vs xAH and the neighbors yesterday and the cops were rude to ME!
Im at my wits end...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
This is exactly why I never get involved in other people's business. Active addicts will turn on you in a heartbeat. Who knows what you exposed them to calling the cops on them. They could have drugs around, etc etc.
Can you move?
Can you move?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
I read this and just thought, "Birds of a feather..." I think we've talked about this couple before, and I thought then as I do now that they are reactionary and acting from a fear-base. What might they have to deal with if they got honest? The abusive neighbor? The abused wife?
It's not about you. Block her texts -- but I'd be tempted to let her know that you don't take life advice from alcoholics, please and thank you.
Also, about the cops being rude to you. I would adjust your expectations. You don't need their validation or kindness, you just need their presence to make your xAH stop whatever craziness he's up to. Turn off that need for the cops to believe you, and get to the brass tacks. Their presence and heft is what you need, not their sympathy. I've even said to the cops before, "I don't care if you think I'm crazy, I just need you to make him get out of here."
It's not about you. Block her texts -- but I'd be tempted to let her know that you don't take life advice from alcoholics, please and thank you.
Also, about the cops being rude to you. I would adjust your expectations. You don't need their validation or kindness, you just need their presence to make your xAH stop whatever craziness he's up to. Turn off that need for the cops to believe you, and get to the brass tacks. Their presence and heft is what you need, not their sympathy. I've even said to the cops before, "I don't care if you think I'm crazy, I just need you to make him get out of here."
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
Also, if I may make a kind but firm suggestion, regular counseling (no excuses!) and light medication will help you with the anxiety.
I was gaslighted by my ex-Narcissist and it was one of the worst things that ever happened to me. If I knew then what I know now, treating the anxiety (PTSD, really) continuously, making it a priority, and getting serious about it, was one of the primary building blocks to getting me out of that situation.
I was gaslighted by my ex-Narcissist and it was one of the worst things that ever happened to me. If I knew then what I know now, treating the anxiety (PTSD, really) continuously, making it a priority, and getting serious about it, was one of the primary building blocks to getting me out of that situation.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
WTBH, stay clear of them. I was also in an abusive relationship, which your next door neighbor is in right now. I never went thru what you are going thru though, but sometimes I think that if this happened to me, and I was being abused, that would have just listened to whatever my H was telling me at the time, and try to isolate myself from you and your children.
I'm not a vocal person, so I don't think I would do what she is doing, but some abused people are vocal, and they take it out on someone else, because she knows she can't say anything to her H.
Calling the cops on your ex, could have threatened her ex. She might have gotten an earful, and she couldn't give it back to him, so she gave it to you.
Advice, I really have none, except to keep your side of the street clean.
Resolution? I have no idea !!!!!!!
Why did your ex show up at your house? Pls, note that I am not blaming you for this.
I'm not a vocal person, so I don't think I would do what she is doing, but some abused people are vocal, and they take it out on someone else, because she knows she can't say anything to her H.
Calling the cops on your ex, could have threatened her ex. She might have gotten an earful, and she couldn't give it back to him, so she gave it to you.
Advice, I really have none, except to keep your side of the street clean.
Resolution? I have no idea !!!!!!!
Why did your ex show up at your house? Pls, note that I am not blaming you for this.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,796
My neighbor is abused by her husband (or has been bc she told me so) and he is a drinking buddy of xAH. She decided to take up drinking more often too to deal with her H (again she told me this)....
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 136
WantToBeHealthy:
It saddens me to hear your story when even your own neighbors who must know you are good and taking care of your children would spread such lies and even hurt your children. You can shield them from some of it but best to explain to them that sometimes there are people who are mis-informed and are believing some lies and it will soon calm down.
I too got no help from the police--he showed up at my house, had been drinking and demanded the cops make me turn over 3 guns (unregistered mind you) to him that he said I had (which I did not). Next time he showed up, I turned the burner on the gas stove for a short time, shut it off and called the fire department instead and said I smelled gas. When fire trucks pulled in, he pulled out. Problem solved. They of course found no leak but told me to followup with gas company. I learned this trick from my next door neighbor married to a cop who continuously abused her & she could obviously get no help from the police department so she started calling the fire department and it worked like a charm every time. And if anyone questions you did smell gas.
It saddens me to hear your story when even your own neighbors who must know you are good and taking care of your children would spread such lies and even hurt your children. You can shield them from some of it but best to explain to them that sometimes there are people who are mis-informed and are believing some lies and it will soon calm down.
I too got no help from the police--he showed up at my house, had been drinking and demanded the cops make me turn over 3 guns (unregistered mind you) to him that he said I had (which I did not). Next time he showed up, I turned the burner on the gas stove for a short time, shut it off and called the fire department instead and said I smelled gas. When fire trucks pulled in, he pulled out. Problem solved. They of course found no leak but told me to followup with gas company. I learned this trick from my next door neighbor married to a cop who continuously abused her & she could obviously get no help from the police department so she started calling the fire department and it worked like a charm every time. And if anyone questions you did smell gas.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
The world is full of crazy people. We can fight them, or be victims of them, or simply walk a wide circle around them.
Get a new phone number. Give it out sparingly.
Smile. Anyone hell-bent on angering other people hate it when you smile back at them.
Seriously consider moving. Really. There is nothing wrong with removing yourself and your kids from toxic situations.
Get a new phone number. Give it out sparingly.
Smile. Anyone hell-bent on angering other people hate it when you smile back at them.
Seriously consider moving. Really. There is nothing wrong with removing yourself and your kids from toxic situations.
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