Raider

How do you handle watching your husband drink while I am just 2 days into sobriety?

foolsgold66

Don't watch. Go to bed early, go in the other room, anything. Take a little break from hubby time until you can stand it. My wife drinks wine and it's in the house now. You can do it.

bigsombrero

You go to the store, and buy him a new heart. His is clearly not working correctly. Does he know you are on Day 2? In my experience having a partner who drinks in front of you in early recovery is not helpful at all. Support and empathy is very important.

Lightning Bug

It sucks monkey balls, doesn't it?

Anna

It would be nice if he was supportive, but the main thing is that you can do this.

Leave the room, go out for a walk, call someone - do whatever you can to distract yourself.

Plenny

My husband is a beer enthusiast. But over the last 55 days I've taken a deep breath and reminded myself 110 times to stop thinking about what he's doing and focus on what I'm doing and my progress, and remind myself that everyone has to find their way of drinking. My way is not drinking, it's the only thing that works in my real life.
Not sure what kind of drinker your husband is, but try to focus on yourself whatever his way is, everyone is different. Own it

DisplacedGRITS

It's hard when your spouse doesn't quit drinking but remember that this is your recovery, not his. Try to not be in the same room with it. Perhaps there's a room he can enjoy his drinks in away from you. Perhaps you can move to a different room. Ask him to please not drink during dinner. Many spouses will be willing to make consessions while you're trying to quit. What those are depends on you and him.

foolsgold66

My wife has lost patience with me recently after 6 months of quits and starts, is why she has booze in the house. If I can get through a month, I anticipate she will quit too, as she has before. At this point I'm glad she is still here, I can't be mad about it.

Mountainmanbob

You have to do what you have to do so as to stay sober but I will add that he is not bei1ng very supportive. That is sad. Mountain man

silentrun

???I don't know how people quit with it still in the house. They are stronger than me. I can't see ever being able to keep it around. Could you ask him to do his drinking outside of the house for at least 6 months?

w2r

I'm on day 3.
My wife is on the computer across the room on her second glass of wine. (of many)
I don't want to get into the discussion thing.
I hope my success and example will be more powerful than talk.

PetraD

My husband drinks and doesn't yet know that I am quitting. He will continue to drink, so I will have to learn how to not drink while he does.

13unluckyforsom

Mine does this too - after all the BS of 'we are in this together etc etc' I'm not actually too bothered if he drinks at his friends or a bar but for me to open the fridge at 10 days sober and see alcohol - not helpful.

It would be great I guess if all our partners/friends understood but some people just can't. I've made my choice so im sticking to it - I hope that you can as well raider.

Plenny

It's tough to have it right in front of you. I've found that although my husband was a moderate to heavy drinker before (albeit not one that went overboard or to 'the dark side' very often), he's really pared down his intake because of his proximity to me in the last couple months. Almost like he didn't have his drinking buddy to egg him on anymore... Often one person in the relationship at a time is the trailblazer. It's a tough role but hopefully it will get easier and he'll be able to counteract triggers he causes as he notices them and as you communicate your experience and your needs. Some people say he may not have a heart (although I don't know if he does or not), but I say he's probably not a mind reader... I'm not familiar with your history or your relationship but I bet if given the chance, he'll get his drinks out of your view as long as you need

Raider

I asked him to do just that. Dink if you want, but stop waving around in my face.

w2r

Finishing my second third day! Feeling Good
Well my wife just went to bed.
She always drinks 1 1/2 bottle of wine.
Tonight only 2/3 bottle. (sorry I shouldn't be spying).

I think its best not to get into it about my plan to quit. A couple of weeks ago I wouldn't appreciate anyone trying to influence me!

I think I read someone say: think of it as the oxygen masks on an airplane.
You have to put yours on first and save yourself before you think of helping any one else.

I don't think I deserve to comment on drinking at this point until I achieve LOTS of sober days.

phoebe64

This is one of my biggest challenges. I feel left out. I want to be able to drink, but I cannot. Watching him do it is torture. So, now i avoid him, or he avoids me, and I am more lonely than ever in my home.

Raider

Rochele. I understand. In a calm moment, I told him that if he waves that drink in my face again or cracks open a new bottle of vodka at 7pm, well.......I would have to hurt him😳

Drink in a different room, hide it, inhale it, shoot it, but get it away from me!

13unluckyforsom

My other half drinks in front of me - this was not the arranged deal when we discussed me getting sober however - he is not an alcoholic - I am. I am responsible for myself. My actions.

mfanch

My husband continued to drink while I was quitting. That was then. My alcoholism is MY problem. I didn't expect the world to change to suit me. *I* have to change to meet conditions. I worked the steps in AA and now, as long as I follow the directions, I am immune from alcohol for the day.

Today, I don't even know if there is any in my house. I am indifferent.

There was a solution for me and I jumped on it. Sure, it was hard at first. I had to change EVERYTHING. My perceptions, my beliefs, my thoughts, my feelings....every.thing. I'm so glad I did. Because now I am free.