From the pan to the flame
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 6
From the pan to the flame
Last week I left my husband. Now I'm in California staying with my daughter temporarily, very temporarily. The agreement was I'd get into a shelter as soon as possible. All the shelters have been full. I call every day and they are always full. I'm starting to freak out. I know I can't stay long with my daughter. Her and her boyfriend are stressed I am staying with them due to the lack of living space. We are all crammed in a very tiny room. They are arguing a lot now on the verge of breaking up. She says she can't handle all the stress. The stress of my situation and her relationship/lack of space, and now lack of their privacy. I'm terrified I'll end up on the streets. If not soon, perhaps even after shelter because you are only given 30 days to turn everything around. How does one do that so soon??!!! Getting a job, getting the first paycheck, and then finding housing here being so expensive is extremely difficult. Women here have been killed on the street as they were sleeping. Today I had a breakdown. I feel I should have stayed with my husband, got a job, saved money until I had more resources to leave. I haven't talked to him since I left despite his attempts to reach me. I feel completely at a loss, and defeated, and feel like now things are worse!!! I feel like calling him. I'm terrified of being homeless on the street.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 117
I am sorry you are in this situation. Please try to focus on the next steps you need to take. Get up every morning, shower, dress, and go out and look for a job. Look everywhere you can possibly think of.
Call the shelters every day. Ask if they have any suggestions as to where else you can find housing. Ask them about job training programs that they may have or for any kind of free vocational counseling that may be available to you. Check out local churches. Tell them the situation you are in and ask if they have suggestions for what your next step may be.
I am sure it's is very stressful for everyone being together, but it's only been a week. If you are out pounding the pavement, actively searching for work, it may give your daughter and her boyfriend some privacy. Tell them that you are doing everything that you possibly can to get yourself back on your feet and that you appreciate all they are doing for you. Try to leave when they are home together. Use that time to look for a job or to take a walk around the block or go to a local park. Also ask if they have any contacts or job leads that you may follow.
I hope you find yourself in a better situation soon. Just don't give up. Getting up, dressed, and walking around, exercising, will do wonders for your mental health. Don't give up and think about leaving a shelter you're not even in yet. Just take it one day at a time. I wish you the very best. You made a very brave choice, so don't look back. It's difficult now, but it won't always be. The longest journey starts with a single step.
Please keep us updated.
Call the shelters every day. Ask if they have any suggestions as to where else you can find housing. Ask them about job training programs that they may have or for any kind of free vocational counseling that may be available to you. Check out local churches. Tell them the situation you are in and ask if they have suggestions for what your next step may be.
I am sure it's is very stressful for everyone being together, but it's only been a week. If you are out pounding the pavement, actively searching for work, it may give your daughter and her boyfriend some privacy. Tell them that you are doing everything that you possibly can to get yourself back on your feet and that you appreciate all they are doing for you. Try to leave when they are home together. Use that time to look for a job or to take a walk around the block or go to a local park. Also ask if they have any contacts or job leads that you may follow.
I hope you find yourself in a better situation soon. Just don't give up. Getting up, dressed, and walking around, exercising, will do wonders for your mental health. Don't give up and think about leaving a shelter you're not even in yet. Just take it one day at a time. I wish you the very best. You made a very brave choice, so don't look back. It's difficult now, but it won't always be. The longest journey starts with a single step.
Please keep us updated.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Dear Hopestrength, try calling the domestic violence 24-hour HOTLINE listed in the phone book and tell them that you fled your abusive (emotional, at least) husband and are in "dire straits". They usually have contacts and know of special arrangements that are available to them that are not, otherwise general knowledge. Also, if you see any churches--go directly into the church and ask to speak to anyone that will talk to you. You are in an upscale area and so the churches may have more resources than other churches in smaller lower socioeconomic areas---churches are sometimes organized into networks with other churches for charity purposes and thus may have special contacts for referal.
Offering yourself as a child care worker or doing domestic work or caring for elderly, as suggested by catlover may is, at least, a possible idea. Housesitting is another possibility. The more people you ask questions or talk to--the greater the chance of finding help.
Celticgirl makes a good point when she says to stay out of the house as much as possible. Libraries are a good place to pass time--as are community centers--if you can locate any of these (libraries usually have all the fliers and contact information for these kinds of places).
Public sheters usually require that people stay out much of the day, anyway--try the same thing with your daughter--basically being there just to sleep and maybe eat.
Also, call the local alanon main number and find the closest meeting--ask if there is any transportation help. go to the meeting, if at all possible. Many of those people have been in situations like yours and might offer some practical help.
I am thinking about you. I live on the other side of the country--or you could stay with me for a while.
Take pride in the fact that you are brave and you are strong. Don't give up. I am praying for you.
sincerely,
dandylion
Offering yourself as a child care worker or doing domestic work or caring for elderly, as suggested by catlover may is, at least, a possible idea. Housesitting is another possibility. The more people you ask questions or talk to--the greater the chance of finding help.
Celticgirl makes a good point when she says to stay out of the house as much as possible. Libraries are a good place to pass time--as are community centers--if you can locate any of these (libraries usually have all the fliers and contact information for these kinds of places).
Public sheters usually require that people stay out much of the day, anyway--try the same thing with your daughter--basically being there just to sleep and maybe eat.
Also, call the local alanon main number and find the closest meeting--ask if there is any transportation help. go to the meeting, if at all possible. Many of those people have been in situations like yours and might offer some practical help.
I am thinking about you. I live on the other side of the country--or you could stay with me for a while.
Take pride in the fact that you are brave and you are strong. Don't give up. I am praying for you.
sincerely,
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
HS, just wanted to say that there have been some great suggestions here, and I hope you can find a way to put some of them in action. You made an extremely brave first step; I just can't believe you were meant to fail after starting out w/that much courage!
I would agree that going to some Alanon meetings would serve both the purpose of getting you out of the house and hopefully getting some contacts who could help you w/the housing/job situation. You just never know who knows who, and what they might need...
Holding good thoughts for you, and I hope that taking some of the actions suggested here will pay off for you soon. Keep us all posted, OK?
I would agree that going to some Alanon meetings would serve both the purpose of getting you out of the house and hopefully getting some contacts who could help you w/the housing/job situation. You just never know who knows who, and what they might need...
Holding good thoughts for you, and I hope that taking some of the actions suggested here will pay off for you soon. Keep us all posted, OK?
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
Hopestrength,
I wish I had posted when I first read this, but I didn't have any words of advice to add to the above posts. I've been thinking of you. Stay strong and keep reaching out for help. There's an answer somewhere - take things one step at a time while you find it. ((((hugs))))
I wish I had posted when I first read this, but I didn't have any words of advice to add to the above posts. I've been thinking of you. Stay strong and keep reaching out for help. There's an answer somewhere - take things one step at a time while you find it. ((((hugs))))
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