Gracey

My husband is a freak..........I called home to tell him that i was going to be late coming home tonight, b/c I had to stop at the pharmacy and pick up a prescription and I also told him that I knew he was tired and that he wanted to take nap..........and I wanted to go to Home Depot cause I have been eyeing this tree i really want......he was questioning me and telling me that okay he will be at Home Depot at 5:30.....This is where he is freak.....he is the one that had the affair, he is the one that drank the last 5 years away........I was sweet as could be, I said honey I know that you want to take a nap, and I thought i could have a little fun before I went home and I told him that i was just thinking about him while he was sleeping, I could take advantage and do a little tree shopping.......he has absolutley no reason on this earth not to trust me.........except maybe he is afraid that i am going to pay him back for the affair that he had.........but honestly if he does think that, he doesnt know me at all.............

Lorelai

My H is the same way. The only thing I can figure is that they think that everybody is like them. My H always accuses me of fooling around even when I go out to dinner with my girlfriends. In the past, I would just stay home so as not to cause trouble.

Now - I DO WHATEVER I WANT TO DO AND DON'T FEEL GUILTY ABOUT IT ! I have nothing to feel guilty about.
Have fun tree shopping !!!
L

matters

I think they are all way too paranoid!! When I am on the way to work mine always comments on how beautiful I look and why I need to look that way to go to work. I just like to look nice whenever I leave the house. Nothing special ......just clean and a little makeup.I wish you happy tree shopping too!! We all need OUR time. Take care of YOU!!!!

Hugs and prayers,
matters

Lorelai

I guess if I was a husband who drank everyday, passed out on the couch every night and lied to my wife, I might be a little worried that she might find someone else who would treat her better too.

Hmmmmm, let's all think now. What could they do about that? I know, become insanely jealous - that will keep her around.
L

dax

It is odd that it is uaually the alcoholic that is cheating. The spouse that is being treated badly rarely strays. And the cheater is often accusing the spouse -thinking a good offence is the best defence. I think most alcoholic-drunk or sober are extremely selfish and self centered. Then if they get sober they need to put sobriety befor anything and anyone encluding you. The spouse seems always to be second bannana-either to the alcohol or the recovery program. I guess that is why we need a progam ourselves. We live a unique life with an alcoholic-whether he is drinking or not. sigh. dax

karenh

lol Lorelai. my thoughts exactly. so much for problem solving!! lmao

StandingStrong

OMG!!!!!!! I have to tell you this. My A used to always accuse and suspect that I had a boyfriend. It varied from year to year who the boyfriend supposedly was (old boyfriend, a co-worker, etc). After we had split up, we were discussing the things that he had done to me and this included all the accussations of my having a boyfriend throughout the entire time we've been married. Interesting enough, he actually admitted that he probably always mentioned such a thing because no one would have blamed me for having left him for someone else when he wasn't giving me what I needed and wasn't treating me the way he should've. I was positively shocked that he said such a thing!!!!!!!

Food for thought, isn't it?

Hope you found a great tree breec3

jessieandme2003

My AH was the same way, accusing me of having a boyfriend or whatever, during his more insecure phases. H'ed get very angry sometimes, go through the past numbers on my cell hpne or chekc my email on my computer.

It was funny because I had no interest in anyone else, I adored him.

He was the one who would go through phases of thinking he shouldn't be tied down, or that I wasn't fun, exciting or spontaneous enough for him. That was when he was in party mode instead of family mode.

The most interesting thing I found in this thread of yet ANOTHER way their self-centered traits rule us, it is in the statement by Lorelai:
"In the past, I would just stay home so as not to cause trouble."

I did that. I always called to say where I was. I always came right home. I always turned down offers to socialize with others. I didn't want to miss being there when he wanted me, even once. I knew he'd either call every 20 minutes asking when I was coming home, or he'd go out to the bar and be unreachable. I let my world revolve around being there for him. Even though he didn't do the same back. In his bad phases he'd only come home if there was nothing better going on, or he was sick (aka rundown), tired, or hungry.

I am amazed how much I was willing to do (or not do) to hang onto my relationship with this man, when all I was getting in return was the words of adoration I was so addicted to.