Surfdawg

Hi all - First off let me thank you in advance for your support.

I'm a 32 year old guy who has a binge drinking problem. I've been drinking most of my life but over the last few years I have started to have more and more really bad nights of binge drinking and those nights are taking a toll on me and my wife of one year. I used to be able to drink a lot and not have any issues, but now when I drink I turn into a totally different person - an ******* actually.

My wife is at her wits end with me and I don't want to lose her. The problem is though, is that there are times when we go out and drink where I am able to control it and I don't turn into a **** show. We do enjoy those times and both her and I would like for me to be able to occasionally have a drink but not go crazy.

I think I definitely have an addictive personality, but have been able to go for long spells without drinking - I typically don't drink at all in January, and I love the feeling. We have talked before about me identifying situations/triggers where I would be likely to fall off the deep end, but that hasn't helped and every few months I end up having a bad night of drinking.

Every time one of these nights happen I've suggested the idea of me stopping drinking, but she says that she wants us to be able to enjoy alcohol but in moderation, which in some situations is very difficult for me.

My guess is that this is not a new subject to this forum, so any advice or support would be greatly appreciated. Would a treatment plan be something I should look into?

Thanks,
SurfDawg

DrunkenBob

Generally what you get here will be moderation is a recipe for disaster.

I know that is my opinion but we are all different.

I know for a fact that I cannot moderate. I don't even bother trying. If I fall off the wagon I get right back on it.

It seems if you have to ask then you already have your answer.

sugarbear1

If you were able to moderate, you wouldn't be asking others how to do it.....

just a guess here.

TopFlight

I can relate to a lot of what you're saying. We seem to have a lot of similarities in terms of both having an addictive personality, but also being able to stay of booze for periods at a time. For me, I kind of just viewed it as all or nothing. Yes a beer here and there might be fine, but deep down I know in certain social situations I am going to drink to get messed up regardless, therefore for me, why go down that slippery slope.

I'd just ask yourself why you feel the need to continue to drink if you have been exhibiting problems with it, especially ones that might be affecting your marriage?

Dee74

Hi SurfDawg

sounds as if you might understand alcoholism a little better than your wife.

It's not her fault - but it is up to you to explain that for drinkers like us there is no taking or leaving it - there is no choice, there is no control....not consistently.

you know that deep down...right?

D

atm23

The last couple years I've had times where I didn't drink for a month or so, even a couple 3 month stints of sobriety. My biggest mistake each time was believing moderation was possible for me, even this latest slip up, it was incredible how quick a beer turned into 2 days and so many drinks I can't remember.

We all are different but from my experience the moderation idea was just my excuse to pick up and drink again.

Hevyn

Welcome SurfDawg. I'm glad you came here to talk it over - this is a wonderful place.

I'd love to be able to tell you that moderating is possible. I spent decades trying to use willpower to control my drinking so I wouldn't have to give it up all together. I refused to question my drinking as you're doing - I didn't want to admit I was headed for danger. As a result I lost everything that mattered to me and had a hell of a time digging myself out of the mess that I'd made. I can't in good conscience give you false hope. For me, moderation was never possible.

Bruce292

For me .. no. It's like giving a starving do a rubber bone. I can't have just one ... or two ... or ten. When I drink the river must flow! But that's me. I can't speak for anyone else.

FeenixxRising

When you drink do you crave more alcohol? For example, do you still "desire" or "crave" a beer/drink after consuming 2 or 3 beers/drinks?

Do you sometimes tell yourself you're not going to drink and then end up drinking anyway?

When you do drink, do you often lose control of your drinking?

Binge drinkers can be alcoholics. It's your reaction to alcohol that determines if you're an alcoholic. If you find you cannot control your drinking once you start, despite honest attempts to control yourself, you are probably an alcoholic (or at least in the early stages) and moderation will be very difficult if not impossible.

Try to drink with control (in a safe environment i.e. not driving). And then ask yourself honestly if you're really able to control your drinking.

bdnb74

nope, been there, tried it 5 times, you will always want more

dwtbd

I could pretty much control my drinking even drink moderately at times, but usually only if I knew I would be going home to drink for real.
So ,for me, it was possible but I didn't like it, deep down I liked to be drunk. At some point I started just doing it the way I liked it, and that can't last. I thought I could maintain some level of drinking, but it always progressed to more for me, more alcohol per session and more frequent sessions. Maybe it's just the way I am built, but it means I am built in such a fashion that I can't drink(period)
It took me a long time to finally realize this fact and come to terms with it, I hope if this is your case you do not wait another ten yrs(i'm 46)
wish you well

Surfdawg

Wow - thank you all for the replies.

All of what you guys said is true. Sometimes I tell myself I won't drink in a certain situation, and then I end up drinking anyways - unless I am driving.

I guess the reason why I drink is because I enjoy it and the feeling of being drunk. I think I'm also a product of my environment as I live in a city (hermosa beach) that parties non-stop and have a lot of friends who are heavy drinkers. Ultimately however, I do realize the accountability falls on my own shoulders as there is drinking going on anywhere you live.

I can control myself in some situations - I don't binge drink all the time and might have a single beer if I go out to dinner with my wife or a friend, but there are other times that are much different (like at yesterday's Trump Wine/Beer festival with all you can drink). It's in those situations where I need to not drink at all.

This is a problem I can no longer brush aside.

RobbyRobot

Moderating drinking has no real upside. Its akin to playing Russian roulette - sooner or later your going to get drunk enough to fail at moderation. Moderation is not about learning a new skill set, and then with practice you'll get better.

When I tried moderating all I really accomplished was in taking mini-breaks with my drinking until I didn't which then meant having a real drunk going on and me telling myself that being drunk isn't so bad after not being drunk all the time.

And then, of course, being drunk all the time is what eventually happened no matter how smartass I got with my moderation

Moderation was just another drinking game I played with myself to excuse me from total quitting - and for quitting forever

I'm so grateful I don't play drinking games with myself anymore, lol.

I've got real empathy and sympathy for those caught up in the moderation drinking game. Been there myself, of course, like I've said.

Banquo

One is too many and 99 is not enough. I'll always remember that

Happier

I drank for years then quit long enough for me to think i could go back to drinking moderatly. I tried this several times and could indeed do it for a week or two. However, each time I always eventually ended up failing miserably and eventually drinking more than ever.
It really was a miserable existence too. Always wondering how much is too much, when can I do it again, having to stop when I really wanted more, trying to act like I was the same as everyone else. Exhausting really!
There is a lot of peace when one just admits that drinking isn't an option. It really does simplify things in a lot of ways. Simple....not always easy. Totally worth it though.

coraltint

For me, moderation was very difficult & frustrating, and I always ended up NOT moderating in a big way. Although it requires a leap of faith into some kind of recovery program, abstinence is way less stressful for me. And, it turns out I can still have fun sober.....who knew?!

Ge7ea

I can agree with most of what's said. If you're contemplating whether its possible, seems like if notit would be destructive to your relationship. Doesn't seem like a valid option to me

HeadLump

This completely sums it up for me.

mecanix

I had six months sober around the age of 27 , one drink ... hmm well one drink with dinner surely wouldn't hurt would it ... about a month later it was why not two ?

Christmass hit ... well seems daft to have this open bottle of wine hanging about may as well finnish it before the nights over ..

about 6 months later .. seem to be drinking a bottle of wine and i'm not that drunk better buy 2 ..

>> fast forwards 10 years , a house , a job , a car , £1000's , several failed relationships , put on 8 st >>

All through this time i could have a few days off , a week maybe .. perhaps 10 or 14 days but i'd be needing a "blow out" then ..

So for me moderation did'nt work , try not to waste 10 years finding out like i did ,

Bestwishes, m

afloatsober

If you are alcoholic, when you take a drink it sets up a craving for another, then another and so on.... eventually you will drink your fill one day.

I am told that willpower wont help. It was suggested to me that alcoholism is an illness and when was the last time willpower helped with the flu.......

I have tried moderation and in short order found myself 'moderating' to one bottle of vodka a day!!!

I wish you well. I got sick and tired...... and just quit. End of (or is that beginning of)