valleycity

every morning its the same thing!! i curse myself for the day before. i pray for help and guidence but why would he help me when i dont help myself. this is why i need help. i steal my sons liquor, i hid the smell by eating salami after each drink..OMG how pathetic i am. writing this down puts my behavior into concrete reality. i have vomited and drank somemore. i am epeltic on meds. the doc told me that the meds will be ineffective when i drink. when i want a drink i dont care about that or the promise that i made to my deceased motherinlaw that i will take care of her son and my family and the promise i made to myself early in the morning!! how can i take of anyone when im wasted all the time. my hands have started to shake in the morning..
i am rambling...i am crying....i am ashamed of myself...
i feel a sense of relief that i am finally trying to help myself...but what will happen later on in the day when i want that drink and not caring again. i know axatly what will!!! i wonder if my husband knows how much i drink. he is not a stupid man..the sad thing is he loves me so very much. our relationsship is better now than ever. after 28 years i am still first in his life. i say the same thing, but how true is that when i drink so much.

Lightning Bug

Don't feel pathetic or ashamed!! You are seeking help - that is awesome. Don't cry, feel good that you realize there is a problem. Your husband probably knows, lean on him. Hugs.

Welcome to SR!!

Dee74

welcome valleycity

we all understand how difficult it is to keep those promises and how shameful we feel at how low we can go....but we can change, we can turn things around - there is hope.

you'll find a lot of support here

why not join our Class of August thread- it's for everyone quitting this month?

just jump right in and post

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-3-a-13.html

D

Hevyn

I'm so glad you joined us valleycity. I don't think you rambled at all - that's just how I felt when I first reached out for help. You can have a whole new life. SR is a great place to share how you're feeling - you're never alone.

silentrun

Hi Valleycity,
If you don't want to do those things anymore you don't have to.

13unluckyforsom

Ramblings good - get it all off your mind. Never be sad about admitting you need help - thousands of people will never be as brave as you have just been. Well done

valleycity

once again i failed...i dont know what else to say...now after a few drinks i am realizing that i broke a promise to myself....now what. tommorrow another set of broken promises........what did it take, how did you strong people do to stop this horrible addiction!!

YoungAndClean

Most of have failed countless times, your not that unique when it comes to having an addiction to alcohol. The question to ask is a)are you alcoholic like your dad, b) do you want to quit? I found for me moderation wasn't an option and until I was honest with myself and others I couldn't stay sober.