Atmyend

Well here I am for..... God I don't even know how many times anymore feeling like complete crap. I've never had a problem with anything but pills. Pain pills to be specific. First hydrocodone or oxycodne then methadone then back to the first. I've went through this alot and have always went back bc of the withdrawal. I have a good support system which is great but i cannot seem to get out of this alone. I know if someone called with some pills right now is just on it...... But I don't want to do that anymore. I want to be free, be myself again. I have way to much going on with two jobs, a husband and dogs to be there for. I can't just sit and get through it, not to mention i never seem to get over the no sleep body hurting and the worst is the craving and constant state of anxiety, worry, and a general feeling of being in hell. If this is how it will always be i can't do it. Anyways I have been thinking about going to the suboxone doc for quite some time now. Done a lot of research and read the pros and cons and such. I am terrified though! Of being judged, turned away, it not working....everything. I really have to do something and am more scared and angry with myself than ive ever been. Please help me, anything will help. Thanks in advance.

Hevyn

Welcome to SR Atmyend. You've taken a big step by coming here and reaching out for help. I hope being here will calm the anxiety you're feeling.

I don't have experience with pills, just alcohol. I'm sure others will relate to what you're going through. I hope you will see your doctor about this - I'm glad you're considering it. I hope you'll stop being angry. Treat yourself with kindness and patience. You've acknowledged the problem and have chosen to do something about it - be proud of yourself.

Bubovski

Have you considered a support group like N.A?
Withdrawal can set up very tricky and painful cycles.
Also are you obtaining good medical advice?

All good wishes for your recovery......

Atmyend

I've though about the na but I really don't know how I would find the time and all in my area are a bit away. Live in a small town. I have a great husband and parents i can talk to about whatever which is great. Never started doing pills to get away from any problems except maybe boredom and now I feel like I've messed my head up bc of it. I never seem to get over the anxiety. It can become dibilitating. Ugh. I know different things work for different ppl i just hate being trapped in my head thinking about wanting some pills and/or how horrible I feel. If anyone has experience with suboxone doc let me know ur experience. Thank u both!

least

I have no experience with pills either but want to welcome you to SR! There's a lot of support here.

Bruce292

I had issues with opiates a number of years back. The scariest part for me was always having enough. Sometimes I'd be sent off on business without much warning. It would send me into a panic. I even ended up smuggling my drugs into a foreign country because I couldn't live without them. I slept so poorly, at one point, I fell asleep on the highway early one morning. Thankfully I woke up as I drifted into the breakdown lane. I finally decided that I couldn't live with the addiction. I got through withdrawal. It was violent but only lasted four days. I was so thankful to be alive after that was over that I never looked back.

You can be free. You really can. There is life after opiates. You're NOT alone.

BTW, I'm not suggesting you go through withdrawal on your own. Don't worry about what people think of you. Obtain the help you need including your doctor.

Atmyend

Thank you. I've tried cold turkey but weeks later no change. That's what gets be everytime. Wanting it to get better and never knowing when it will end. Think I will start checking on doc tommorrow and just pray they understand and can really help me. I'm happy to know you got through it. Gives me hope

Atmyend

I went to the suboxone doctor. I wasnt judged and besides the long wait went good. Have taken my first dose and wow I just feel great. Not high..... Just like my old non needing drug self. I'm so proud of me and my husband making this step together.

Bruce292

That is *so* wonderful. Getting it together and getting to a doctor is huge. I'm glad to hear that they treated you decently. You should be very proud of yourself for what accomplished today.

PippoRossi

Welcome, AtMyEnd. I also do not have experience with pills, but with alcohol. I can assure you that what you described, I have been through the exact same thing. Addiction sucks! I am glad you are here. The only advice I can give you is to take it one day at a time. You can beat this thing, if only for today.