heatherp78

Well he came over last night so we can have the chat we do have a daughter and house and finances and a relationship to sort out, and it went really well I was strong like I never thought I could be and he was honest like Ive never seen him before he has always in the 16 years we have been together been a closed off person not showing much of his emotions, and I started the conversation asking him to be completely honest because at this point he has nothing to lose, he agreed and talked openly about his addiction, I found out some truths ie I would be watching a movie in the next room and he would be in the kitchen doing coke how I didn't know, but the honesty was good I asked a few questions well maybe a lot of questions and we came to the conclusion that we will give our relationship one more try and I know this doesn't give me any guarantees but it gives me alittle hope, he is going to stay at his parents house for the next week, which is fine alittle distance is good for both of us and come back the week after. Now I know what could happen and in future it could go either way but Im prepared for that and I know now that if needs be I will be a great single parent , its all on him now to recover and he has made the first steps in admitting his addiction, deleting the dealers of his phone even telling me who they are and admitting he needs help and all I can do is hope xxoo

Ann

I really hope this works well for you heatherp. Has be been clean for any length of time?

You know you can make it on your own, that's a lesson you didn't have a sort time ago. Don't lose sight of that in the near future in case this doesn't go well...and I pray it does.

Hugs

heatherp78

Hey Ann you so right, he has only been clean for about a month and a half which I know isn't long, and no I know if it ever starts again I will be outta here without a second glance, but if it does go well which I hope it does he is a really nice guy who has his issues and I hope he is able to talk them through with his therapist 16 years is a lot to throw away without giving him one chance to help himself. xxoo

pravchaw

heatherp, thanks for the update. Wish and hope for the best, but be prepared. You should take steps to protect yourself, i.e., taking control of the finances, making sure your child is protected and taken care off and taking steps so that you are financially and emotionally self sufficient and/or supported. Lapses and relapses may happen.

heatherp78

Indeed Pravchaw and this time I am prepared for it I have my own bank account and am in control of all finances and cards, I will always have a room at my grandparents house and already have myself on the council housing list just in case. My daughter will always come first and I will protect her whatever may happen.(although I suppose I wasn't protecting her when I didn't even know myself he was using) I hope the best for him but I know he can have a relapse, I just hope this time he can be more honest if he does do some. xxoo

atalose

Whats the rush for him to come home? What kind of a program is he working? What kind of a program are you working?

Its great he is opening up to you and showing some honesty about some of the things he was doing. He's in very early recovery, very dangerous ground and putting the relationship first may not benefit him or you right now.

Not trying to be negative but when they/us want to jump right back into things trying to get back to normal............we have to remind ourselves that our normal was addiction.

heatherp78

I know he is, but he starts his new job in a couple of weeks and his parents don't really want him there so rather then ending up on one of his 'friends' sofas I thought he would feel safer back at home it was his choice and I know its very early and trust me nothing round here will be normal for a very long time and I know this might or is likely to happen again, but I have to say at least we gave it a shot xxoo

dasiydoc

I went through something close a few months ago with my boyfriend. He had been hiding a cocaine addiction, then told me, then spent a long time deciding how to help himself. He relapsed a couple times that first month and it was scary, but he persevered as they say, and now has a good 6 months clean. We never broke up during all this, but there were times it got dicey with his moods, and I would give him space (and myself some too). Good luck to you guys, hope he sticks with it, gets better after a few months it really does.

heatherp78

I must admit now we made the decision to have him come back home I am alittle scared which Im sure is natural and your right I will give him space and really all I can do is hope I realise completely that I myself can not help him, but I hope he can help himself, well he is coming round today to pick up our daughter and she will stay at the grandparents house tonight and tomorrow, Im a chef and my hours are mostly nights so it made sense to just have her stay with them for the night, after all like most of us we now have a shed load of debt that Ive got to manage and have to go to work, I did play the euromillions on Friday but it wasn't me who won boooooooooo lol take care ladies and gents have a great bank holiday weekend xxoo

kathrynbreathe

Giving you lots of strength and positive thoughts Mama!!