Nightmares after relationship with ABF ended
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 109
Nightmares after relationship with ABF ended
It's been 2 months since things ended with my XABF, and for the past month or so I've been having frequent, disturbing dreams. After I have them I wake up so rattled that I can't go back to sleep right away, and even the next day I'm a bit shaken.
In one of the dreams, which I've had more than once, I'm home alone and something invisible is coming to get me. In the dream, I don't know what it is, but I know that it's coming to kill me, and I can't see what it is. So, I'm rushing around the house, panicking, anticipating this inevitable, invisible killer. I always wake up before it gets to me.
In another, I'm still with my ex, and somehow I find out that he was actually married the whole time we were dating, but never told me. When I see him, we're driving together and I don't say anything about it, but am scared and can tell he knows something's wrong. Then, I'm swimming in my relatives lake, when suddenly he appears and drowns me....
The most recent one involved him and I out on a date at the movies. He ends up in an altercation with a total stranger next to us, they start fighting, and the stranger kills my ex right in front of me with his bare hands! Then I wake up.
I'm sure these all have to do with me being shaken by witnessing my ex's alcoholism, and the feelings of manipulation/being lied to that I'm still dealing with. My ex was never physically abusive to me, but I think the drowning dream might be symbolic of me knowing he's an alcoholic, and he doesn't want me around because of that. I also witnessed him get into a drunken shoving match at a bar, which is similar to the movie theatre dream (minus the death). When that incident at the bar happened, I was very afraid he'd get hurt!
Anybody else out there having some freaky nightmares on a regular basis and/or interested in dream interpretation? they will stop very soon!
In one of the dreams, which I've had more than once, I'm home alone and something invisible is coming to get me. In the dream, I don't know what it is, but I know that it's coming to kill me, and I can't see what it is. So, I'm rushing around the house, panicking, anticipating this inevitable, invisible killer. I always wake up before it gets to me.
In another, I'm still with my ex, and somehow I find out that he was actually married the whole time we were dating, but never told me. When I see him, we're driving together and I don't say anything about it, but am scared and can tell he knows something's wrong. Then, I'm swimming in my relatives lake, when suddenly he appears and drowns me....
The most recent one involved him and I out on a date at the movies. He ends up in an altercation with a total stranger next to us, they start fighting, and the stranger kills my ex right in front of me with his bare hands! Then I wake up.
I'm sure these all have to do with me being shaken by witnessing my ex's alcoholism, and the feelings of manipulation/being lied to that I'm still dealing with. My ex was never physically abusive to me, but I think the drowning dream might be symbolic of me knowing he's an alcoholic, and he doesn't want me around because of that. I also witnessed him get into a drunken shoving match at a bar, which is similar to the movie theatre dream (minus the death). When that incident at the bar happened, I was very afraid he'd get hurt!
Anybody else out there having some freaky nightmares on a regular basis and/or interested in dream interpretation? they will stop very soon!
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,218
Originally Posted by trixie56 
It's been 2 months since things ended with my XABF, and for the past month or so I've been having frequent, disturbing dreams. After I have them I wake up so rattled that I can't go back to sleep right away, and even the next day I'm a bit shaken.
In one of the dreams, which I've had more than once, I'm home alone and something invisible is coming to get me. In the dream, I don't know what it is, but I know that it's coming to kill me, and I can't see what it is. So, I'm rushing around the house, panicking, anticipating this inevitable, invisible killer. I always wake up before it gets to me.
In another, I'm still with my ex, and somehow I find out that he was actually married the whole time we were dating, but never told me. When I see him, we're driving together and I don't say anything about it, but am scared and can tell he knows something's wrong. Then, I'm swimming in my relatives lake, when suddenly he appears and drowns me....
The most recent one involved him and I out on a date at the movies. He ends up in an altercation with a total stranger next to us, they start fighting, and the stranger kills my ex right in front of me with his bare hands! Then I wake up.
I'm sure these all have to do with me being shaken by witnessing my ex's alcoholism, and the feelings of manipulation/being lied to that I'm still dealing with. My ex was never physically abusive to me, but I think the drowning dream might be symbolic of me knowing he's an alcoholic, and he doesn't want me around because of that. I also witnessed him get into a drunken shoving match at a bar, which is similar to the movie theatre dream (minus the death). When that incident at the bar happened, I was very afraid he'd get hurt!
Anybody else out there having some freaky nightmares on a regular basis and/or interested in dream interpretation? they will stop very soon!
In one of the dreams, which I've had more than once, I'm home alone and something invisible is coming to get me. In the dream, I don't know what it is, but I know that it's coming to kill me, and I can't see what it is. So, I'm rushing around the house, panicking, anticipating this inevitable, invisible killer. I always wake up before it gets to me.
In another, I'm still with my ex, and somehow I find out that he was actually married the whole time we were dating, but never told me. When I see him, we're driving together and I don't say anything about it, but am scared and can tell he knows something's wrong. Then, I'm swimming in my relatives lake, when suddenly he appears and drowns me....
The most recent one involved him and I out on a date at the movies. He ends up in an altercation with a total stranger next to us, they start fighting, and the stranger kills my ex right in front of me with his bare hands! Then I wake up.
I'm sure these all have to do with me being shaken by witnessing my ex's alcoholism, and the feelings of manipulation/being lied to that I'm still dealing with. My ex was never physically abusive to me, but I think the drowning dream might be symbolic of me knowing he's an alcoholic, and he doesn't want me around because of that. I also witnessed him get into a drunken shoving match at a bar, which is similar to the movie theatre dream (minus the death). When that incident at the bar happened, I was very afraid he'd get hurt!
Anybody else out there having some freaky nightmares on a regular basis and/or interested in dream interpretation? they will stop very soon!
Something invisible coming to harm you...could be a simple anxiety dream. Unless you associate the invisible dread while in the dream with being him. Sometimes it's helpful to recall other things in the dream. Anything that stands out to you. Dreams being very symbolic, even something that seems like it has no meaning, might. It could also be symbolic that you don't get out of the house but instead wait for the "inevitable", meaning that this anxiety/he has a hold on you that you feel you cannot escape from.
The one where you find out he is married...could be that the spouse symbolizes alcohol. Many people say it feels like their significant other is having an affair with booze. Then he knows something is wrong though you don't mention it to him, then you are swimming, then he drowns you: could symbolize him seeing that your feelings towards him are changing (you are fed up and have decided you are done putting up with it, he senses this and wants to regain control of the situation and of you), water is symbolic of cleansing (you are cleansing yourself of the situation, purifying yourself, washing it away), he drowns you could be symbolic of him still having a hold over you.
The date at the movies, do you recall what movie it was our at least what kind of movie? That might be very meaningful. Often a stranger in a dream is representative of our own self. It could be about you just wanting this misery to die, not literally that you are thinking of killing him. I'm curious if you recall what movie was playing! That might have some meaning, like you were watching some aspect of your life with him in the movie, or perhaps a scene in the movie that was meaningful occurs right before the physical acts. Also, acting... it could just be that a movie symbolizes that you are tired of the acting, the charade...movies are not real life, just as living with the lies of an alcoholic is not living a real life.
You might find it helpful to write down your dreams, skipping a line or two in between so that in case you recall anything that, you have space to write it in with a little arrow where you want that new detail to go. We can learn a lot from our dreams. They are the subconscious communicating with us.
Also, if you are on any medications it can intensify dreams - even benadryl (anti histamine).
Hope that helps! Peace.
ETA: I edited a few typos, if you have already read this and something did not make sense. Using Swype on a kindle. Sorry!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 109
Originally Posted by OnawaMiniya
Hi, I'm sorry you are having such a hard time. I'm a very vivid dreamer myself and often have disturbing dreams. I'm very interested in dream interpretation, I'll give it a try, but of course I could be way off.
Something invisible coming to harm you...could be a simple anxiety dream. Unless you associate the invisible dread while in the dream with being him. Sometimes it's helpful to recall other things in the dream. Anything that stands out to you. Dreams being very symbolic, even something that seems like it has no meaning, might. It could also be symbolic that you don't get out of the house but instead wait for the "inevitable", meaning that this anxiety/he has a good on you that you feel you cannot escape from.
The one where you find out he is married...could be that the spouse symbolizes alcohol. Many people say it feels like their significant other is having an affair with booze. Then he knows something is wrong though you don't mention it to him, then you are swimming, then he drowns you: could symbolize him seeing that your feelings towards him are changing (you are fed up and have decided you are done putting up with it, he senses this and wants to regain control of the situation and of you), water is symbolic of cleansing (you are changing yourself of the situation, purifying yourself, washing it away), he drowns you could be symbolic of him still having a hold over you.
The date at the movies, do you recall what movie it was our at least what kind of movie? That might be very meaningful. Often a stranger in a dream is representative of our own self. It could be about you just wanting this misery to die, not literally that you are thinking of killing him. I'm curious if you recall what movie was playing! That might have some meaning, like you were watching some aspect of your life with him in the movie, or perhaps a scene in the movie that was meaningful occurs right before the physical acts. Also, acting... it could just be that a movie symbolizes that you are tired of the acting, the charade...movies are not real life, just as living with the less of an alcoholic is not living a real life.
You might find it helpful to write down your dreams, skipping a line or two in between so that in case you recall anything that, you have space to write it in with a little arrow where you want that new detail to go. We can learn a lot from our dreams. They are the subconscious communicating with us.
Also, if you are on any medications it can intensify dreams - even benadryl (anti histamine).
Hope that helps! Peace.
Something invisible coming to harm you...could be a simple anxiety dream. Unless you associate the invisible dread while in the dream with being him. Sometimes it's helpful to recall other things in the dream. Anything that stands out to you. Dreams being very symbolic, even something that seems like it has no meaning, might. It could also be symbolic that you don't get out of the house but instead wait for the "inevitable", meaning that this anxiety/he has a good on you that you feel you cannot escape from.
The one where you find out he is married...could be that the spouse symbolizes alcohol. Many people say it feels like their significant other is having an affair with booze. Then he knows something is wrong though you don't mention it to him, then you are swimming, then he drowns you: could symbolize him seeing that your feelings towards him are changing (you are fed up and have decided you are done putting up with it, he senses this and wants to regain control of the situation and of you), water is symbolic of cleansing (you are changing yourself of the situation, purifying yourself, washing it away), he drowns you could be symbolic of him still having a hold over you.
The date at the movies, do you recall what movie it was our at least what kind of movie? That might be very meaningful. Often a stranger in a dream is representative of our own self. It could be about you just wanting this misery to die, not literally that you are thinking of killing him. I'm curious if you recall what movie was playing! That might have some meaning, like you were watching some aspect of your life with him in the movie, or perhaps a scene in the movie that was meaningful occurs right before the physical acts. Also, acting... it could just be that a movie symbolizes that you are tired of the acting, the charade...movies are not real life, just as living with the less of an alcoholic is not living a real life.
You might find it helpful to write down your dreams, skipping a line or two in between so that in case you recall anything that, you have space to write it in with a little arrow where you want that new detail to go. We can learn a lot from our dreams. They are the subconscious communicating with us.
Also, if you are on any medications it can intensify dreams - even benadryl (anti histamine).
Hope that helps! Peace.
As far as the movie theatre dream goes, I unfortunately don't remember any specific movie on the screen. I remember the theatre was dark and the screen was lit up, but it was like I wasn't paying attention to it (maybe that alone is significant). Right as the dream started, my ex and I were sitting talking and then the commotion started. The fear and helplessness I felt in the dream was similar to the intense feelings I felt when I witnessed my ex fighting at the bar.
Your take on the drowning dream is very similar to what I was thinking. Because my ex started defending his drinking right away (i.e., making excuses) I knew that he knew that I knew what was happening...And he didn't like that. That's really interesting about water in dreams. I never thought about it symbolizing cleansing, but that fits with the situation well. And him trying to regain control? I've thought about that alot since he vanished two months ago. The first time he dumped me, my feelings for him were changing, as well, and I knew he could tell. Before we could talk about it, he dumped me! Later he said it was due to me not being 'a partier,' but I think he did it so suddenly because he was afraid of rejection.
And as far as the invisible thing coming to kill me, I think you could be right. Originally I thought it could be 'alcoholism' chasing me, and I'm trying to escape it (or maybe moreso how the alcoholism impacts how my ex treated me), but your take on it makes more sense. The only other thing about that dream that I remember was that I was in a house I never saw before. In the dream, I wasn't confused about where I was, as if it was my normal home. But when I woke up, I knew it wasn't a house I ever was in before. I do remember that some of the windows were open though, and the wind was blowing in...
I definitely should write these things down, good idea! And I didn't know that benadryl could intensify dreams...I've been taking it pretty often lately. Thanks again.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: San Diego, ca
Posts: 268
Hi Trixie; I see a lot of anxiety in these dreams; fear and anger. The one where he is married; yes I see all the lies and withholding in real life is like cheating. Like you never really had him all to yourself; sober and committed to the couple.
I am only 35 days into No Contact and my dreams have yet to begin. In my experience, you are right on target. Usually my processing via dreams takes two to three months after an event. It's like your brain is starting to process your emotions..You are healing. This is good. And yes, absolutely write them down; that helps with the processing of your wounds. I have had two dreams I can remember. The dreams are still of denial I think (OnawaMiniya?). They both are similar themes. In my dream none of this drinking/breaking up has happened. We have a solid life and we are just doing normal things. That's about it. Then I wake up, realize what has happened and cry. Oh, and before we broke it off 5 weeks ago, I had an occasional nightmare of something malevolent lurking at my front door..Waiting to come in.
I am only 35 days into No Contact and my dreams have yet to begin. In my experience, you are right on target. Usually my processing via dreams takes two to three months after an event. It's like your brain is starting to process your emotions..You are healing. This is good. And yes, absolutely write them down; that helps with the processing of your wounds. I have had two dreams I can remember. The dreams are still of denial I think (OnawaMiniya?). They both are similar themes. In my dream none of this drinking/breaking up has happened. We have a solid life and we are just doing normal things. That's about it. Then I wake up, realize what has happened and cry. Oh, and before we broke it off 5 weeks ago, I had an occasional nightmare of something malevolent lurking at my front door..Waiting to come in.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 109
Originally Posted by nbay2013
Hi Trixie; I see a lot of anxiety in these dreams; fear and anger. The one where he is married; yes I see all the lies and withholding in real life is like cheating. Like you never really had him all to yourself; sober and committed to the couple.
I am only 35 days into No Contact and my dreams have yet to begin. In my experience, you are right on target. Usually my processing via dreams takes two to three months after an event. It's like your brain is starting to process your emotions..You are healing. This is good. And yes, absolutely write them down; that helps with the processing of your wounds. I have had two dreams I can remember. The dreams are still of denial I think (OnawaMiniya?). They both are similar themes. In my dream none of this drinking/breaking up has happened. We have a solid life and we are just doing normal things. That's about it. Then I wake up, realize what has happened and cry. Oh, and before we broke it off 5 weeks ago, I had an occasional nightmare of something malevolent lurking at my front door..Waiting to come in.
I am only 35 days into No Contact and my dreams have yet to begin. In my experience, you are right on target. Usually my processing via dreams takes two to three months after an event. It's like your brain is starting to process your emotions..You are healing. This is good. And yes, absolutely write them down; that helps with the processing of your wounds. I have had two dreams I can remember. The dreams are still of denial I think (OnawaMiniya?). They both are similar themes. In my dream none of this drinking/breaking up has happened. We have a solid life and we are just doing normal things. That's about it. Then I wake up, realize what has happened and cry. Oh, and before we broke it off 5 weeks ago, I had an occasional nightmare of something malevolent lurking at my front door..Waiting to come in.
That's quite the coincidence you had a 'lurking' dream...I bet that was pretty scary at the time. I agree that our dreams can give us great insight.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,218
Dream interpretation is a personal thing, though there are many basic symbols many people share. For example, a dog in a dream is often symbolic of a protector. However, if you are terrified of did, it may mean something completely different to you. Just as water is symbolic of cleansing, if you had a frightening experience in water it may mean something completely different.
When I say that even the dullest details might have meaning, for example, if you find yourself in a blue room, it might literally mean you feel blue. So any detail you recall is potentially meaningful.
So, when figuring out dreams, it is helpful to read up on basic and common symbols many share, but remember that your personal beliefs, feelings, and experiences are important to take into account.
When I say that even the dullest details might have meaning, for example, if you find yourself in a blue room, it might literally mean you feel blue. So any detail you recall is potentially meaningful.
So, when figuring out dreams, it is helpful to read up on basic and common symbols many share, but remember that your personal beliefs, feelings, and experiences are important to take into account.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
