Acheleus

Not with wanting to drink, but just with the stress of teaching and starting a new medication, doing a lot of reading and work for school. I'm wondering why I feel so bad some days, just not excited about my job or my great opportunities. I'm so tired and slept so well last night, but I could just stay in bed all day if I could. It's scary sometimes. It's great to not be hungover though, and I appreciate my sobriety. No cigarettes either, and the new medicine I am taking is also prescribed to help people quit smoking, so those cravings are almost nil, which is great. I'm just having some trouble concentrating, and not sure how today's lesson is going to go. I'm going to put the students in groups and have them work on writing coherent paragraphs, don't know if that sounds beneficial. We will also discuss the Gettysburg address and do a freewrite on a quote. Well I guess I'm just learning to teach, so I shouldn't be so hard on myself if I have a bad day. This weekend I will go to the coffee shop and get my reading done there while enjoying the peace and quite of my sober life, then I will exercise at night with my long walks, maybe go out to the nature center and look for birds. I hope everyone has a good weekend coming up. I just want to get through with teaching my classes...I feel so inadequate.

Olive1

Hang in there, Acheleus!

Anna

It's normal to have not-so-good days and bad days. It's part of life and recovery certainly doesn't guarantee only good days. What recovery will give you, is the tools to deal with the bad and not-so-good days.

Nuudawn

Hey...what new med for quitting smoking?? Champix/Chantix???? Yikes.

Olive1

Yikes is right. That one turned my normally somewhat sweet co-worker into a raving *&%$#.
Just my experience.

Nuudawn

Okay..I must run to my office and can't await your response Acheleus. If it is Champix..please be very careful. I have a history of depression and I don't do well with things that affective dopamine. I have a dopamine deficit anyway and for me, Champix sucked up whatever I had left. I was exhausted all the time...I had binge and purges episode..I was tired all the time..despite and hours and hours of sleep I woke up tired..and feeling hungover. I physically felt AWFUL. I quit and have decided to return to the Patch ..eventually..which still stimulates dopamine that I will gradually wean myself off of. I did it before and can do it again.

I just got off it last week...my last day on it was horrible and threatened my sobriety big time.

DrunkenBob

Sounds like you plan for the weekend is a solid one. I think a bit of anxiety is normal especially in a new position.

Just keep staying sober and you'll do great!

Eleni58

Ach, you are experiencing all normal feelings in early sobriety. Some people want to sleep all the time because their body is healing and some people (like me) have a hard time sleeping because I used the drink to get me to sleep.

Awesome that you are making plans in advance to occupy yourself. I think it's wonderful that you continue to not only quit drinking, but quit smoking!

I am guessing dr put you on Wellbutrin which is prescribed for depression and also has the effect of taking away smoking cravings.

Nuudawn

I have no issue with Wellbutrin Acheleus in the sense that it too stimulates dopamine unlike many other anti depressants that address serotonin. If it's wellbutrin..I have less concern. I am no doctor nor expert but brain chemistry and neurotransmitters are my pet area of study.

Acheleus

I started wellbutrin and it is great when I am not around these ******* graduate students who treat me like trash. Applying to law school this fall and moving my ass back to Florida. I just cannot stand the people in my program. Like the guy I am supposed to share an office with is a total ***** and he dresses like a 12th grader. Biggest (drunken) mistake of my life coming to this ****** place. Bunch of self absorbed assholes.

Acheleus

Jeez I sound like an *******. It just sucks not having friends and being shunned. I cannot wait to leave. I do enjoy teaching though. Sorry for the negativity.

Acheleus

Trying to work on having more confidence. I can do office work from home anyway. Just academics are petty and really dumb. Law school here I come.

hayley86

Acheleus, I think you need to give yourself some time to adjust to being sober and let things settle down. You have to be a little bit patient and keep focused on the fact that if you keep making positive steps things will get better. Getting sober is just the start of your recovery. Gaining confidence and making new friends etc will come with more sober time. Try and stay focused on what you are doing right now on a day to day basis. When i first got sober i definitely wasn't thinking too far ahead into the future because i would have panicked.

Everyone experiences ups and downs in day to day life and no one is consistently happy all the time. Don't be too hard on yourself for not feeling as though you are not excited enough about your new opportunities. Your body and mind will be adjusting to getting through day to day trials and good moments whilst being sober.I think in early recovery we have to give ourselves a break sometimes and realize that recovery is a long process of healing and adjustment. I think your weekend plans sound positive. Congrats on day 6.

Acheleus

Oh yea I am going for a long walk when I get done teaching. I just feel strange today, maybe it is the meds or something. I guess I feel bad because people in my program know I am an alcoholic. Guilt and shame can eat me alive.

james872

Hi Acheleus,

Remember that you're on day 6. At this point these responses are normal, I recognize some of them from my own experience (day 9 right now). It will get better.

Be well!

James

Acheleus

Yea I am never drinking again. EVER. I am tired of hurting myself.

JAC13

Hi Hun

Wow I think you are doing great giving both the Cigs and drink up. Don't be hard on yourself it's a massive achievement

The students here in England are just the same

Jackie xx

EndGameNYC

Hi Acheleus.

You didn't ask for support around your decision to go to law school (I don't read every post, and this seems the first time I've read about your decision), but certainly you must know that you'll continue to both meet and, in some cases, need to rely on ever-increasing numbers of aessholes in order to succeed. Not to mention those with whom and for whom you'll be working as an attorney.

I bring this up because you've cursed your decisions in the past, and I'm now wondering if your decision to go to law school is also waiting in the wings to be cursed by you?

Acheleus

Taught first class. I feel much better most of the bad stuff is in myhead.

Nuudawn

Hey Acheleus....Rome wasn't built in a day. I think I'm of the same mind as Endgame here. No matter where we go, we are going to stumble across arses. I was complaining to my therapist just the other day about the work environment of my second job. She told me I could indeed quit that environment but more than likely, I'm going to come across the same obstacles in another one and that perhaps it's best I use the opportunity to work on my own issues within what is already familiar. Lessons will keep appearing no matter where we go.

Another thing I want to comment on is what comes across as "shame" about your "alcoholic" status. I think that has to change. Alcohol is something you are simply trying to outgrow as a p*ss poor remedy to pain, discomfort, anxiety etc. Alcohol, cigarettes, drugs..whatever are "crutches". Think about what crutches do? Crutches are what we use when we have trouble walking on our own. Don't hate yourself because you wear the burden of the broken issues of those who came before you. Your parents didn't have good solutions or insight into their problems either.

I am not ashamed of myself because I didn't know any better. You shouldn't be either.