Love Addiction.....science or ?
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Love Addiction.....science or ?
Are Parents Really Kid Junkies? What the Research Says by Maia Szalavitz
On the surface, addiction seems like the least adaptive behavior in the world: addicts persist in taking drugs despite negative consequences over and over and over, sacrificing relationships, career, home, possessions, often even freedom itself — all for a few fleeting moments of ecstasy and escape. However, a growing body of evidence suggests that the same mechanism that produces addiction is profoundly adaptive in the right context — keeping spouses attached to each other and parents hooked on their children.
In Slate this weekend, Shankar Vedantam mused about the possibility that parents are addicted to their kids, writing:
I don’t know if there is empirical evidence to back me up, but it’s conceivable that the neurological mechanisms of addiction — in all their irrational and self-defeating pathologies — are based on underlying mechanisms in the hidden brain that are designed by natural selection to make us seek out — and enjoy — parenthood.
As it turns out, there’s abundant science linking the so-called “addiction regions” of the brain to both love and parenting. One of the first researchers to raise the possibility was Jaak Panksepp, now a professor of veterinary and comparative anatomy, pharmacy and physiology at Washington State University. When I interviewed Panksepp a few years ago, he described the hurdles of trying to publish early research on the effects of drugs like morphine and their natural brain counterparts in the 1970s.
When we first tried to publish our paper on the role of opioids in social attachment in three species, we submitted it to Science,” he said. He said he got two strong positive responses from reviewers, but the paper itself was rejected. When he asked the editor what was wrong with the research, he said he was told, “‘We decided it was too hot to handle. If love and attachment ride on the same system as narcotic addiction, that’s too scary,’ and if it was wrong, they didn’t want to be responsible.”
Now there are hundreds of papers describing the role that brain regions and chemical systems involved in addiction play in parenting and in “pair bonding” (known in humans as falling in love). It’s widely accepted that the brain’s “pleasure systems” are involved in maternal, paternal and romantic behavior. Headlines about studies in which love of all sorts “lights up” the same brain regions on scans as addictive drugs are seen every few weeks.
Indeed, research being presented this week at the Society for Neuroscience conference shows yet another aspect of the connection. When female rats were trained to associate cocaine with the smell of peppermint, their brains responded differently to the smell after they’d become mothers, depending on whether their infants were present. If the moms were away from their babies, regions associated with craving lit up in brain scans when the rats smelled mint. But when they were with the pups, this didn’t happen — mothers showed a different brain response, suggesting that the presence of the infants itself profoundly affects the brain’s “reward system.”
And if you think about it, why else would the brain have such a powerful system that keeps people persisting through life despite numerous obstacles, other than to aid survival and reproduction? Why else would behavioral studies find that the most addictive pattern of reinforcement is not consistent bliss, but inconsistent and unpredictable rewards? Loving each other is hard and not always pleasant; taking care of children certainly includes as much pain as it does pleasure.
In other words, humans evolved “addiction regions” in the brain not so we could become junkies, but more likely so we would persevere in love and parenthood. While it still may be scary to acknowledge the connection between the needle and the warm, fuzzy nuzzles of parenting, doing so might help us treat both addicts and parents more humanely.
On the surface, addiction seems like the least adaptive behavior in the world: addicts persist in taking drugs despite negative consequences over and over and over, sacrificing relationships, career, home, possessions, often even freedom itself — all for a few fleeting moments of ecstasy and escape. However, a growing body of evidence suggests that the same mechanism that produces addiction is profoundly adaptive in the right context — keeping spouses attached to each other and parents hooked on their children.
In Slate this weekend, Shankar Vedantam mused about the possibility that parents are addicted to their kids, writing:
I don’t know if there is empirical evidence to back me up, but it’s conceivable that the neurological mechanisms of addiction — in all their irrational and self-defeating pathologies — are based on underlying mechanisms in the hidden brain that are designed by natural selection to make us seek out — and enjoy — parenthood.
As it turns out, there’s abundant science linking the so-called “addiction regions” of the brain to both love and parenting. One of the first researchers to raise the possibility was Jaak Panksepp, now a professor of veterinary and comparative anatomy, pharmacy and physiology at Washington State University. When I interviewed Panksepp a few years ago, he described the hurdles of trying to publish early research on the effects of drugs like morphine and their natural brain counterparts in the 1970s.
When we first tried to publish our paper on the role of opioids in social attachment in three species, we submitted it to Science,” he said. He said he got two strong positive responses from reviewers, but the paper itself was rejected. When he asked the editor what was wrong with the research, he said he was told, “‘We decided it was too hot to handle. If love and attachment ride on the same system as narcotic addiction, that’s too scary,’ and if it was wrong, they didn’t want to be responsible.”
Now there are hundreds of papers describing the role that brain regions and chemical systems involved in addiction play in parenting and in “pair bonding” (known in humans as falling in love). It’s widely accepted that the brain’s “pleasure systems” are involved in maternal, paternal and romantic behavior. Headlines about studies in which love of all sorts “lights up” the same brain regions on scans as addictive drugs are seen every few weeks.
Indeed, research being presented this week at the Society for Neuroscience conference shows yet another aspect of the connection. When female rats were trained to associate cocaine with the smell of peppermint, their brains responded differently to the smell after they’d become mothers, depending on whether their infants were present. If the moms were away from their babies, regions associated with craving lit up in brain scans when the rats smelled mint. But when they were with the pups, this didn’t happen — mothers showed a different brain response, suggesting that the presence of the infants itself profoundly affects the brain’s “reward system.”
And if you think about it, why else would the brain have such a powerful system that keeps people persisting through life despite numerous obstacles, other than to aid survival and reproduction? Why else would behavioral studies find that the most addictive pattern of reinforcement is not consistent bliss, but inconsistent and unpredictable rewards? Loving each other is hard and not always pleasant; taking care of children certainly includes as much pain as it does pleasure.
In other words, humans evolved “addiction regions” in the brain not so we could become junkies, but more likely so we would persevere in love and parenthood. While it still may be scary to acknowledge the connection between the needle and the warm, fuzzy nuzzles of parenting, doing so might help us treat both addicts and parents more humanely.
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I keep reading questions here on SR asking "why can't I leave him?" Or statements "I love him/her too much to let go" and I've wondered about research on this issue. I found this artle in Time.com and found it interesting so I thought I'd share.
I often refer to my RAS as my DOC (drug of choice) in a tongue in cheek kind of way but perhaps there is some science behind it. I do believe that there are strong indicators of "addiction" in codependence, parenthood, and love in general.
I'll be reading more by this author......
gentle hugs
ke
I often refer to my RAS as my DOC (drug of choice) in a tongue in cheek kind of way but perhaps there is some science behind it. I do believe that there are strong indicators of "addiction" in codependence, parenthood, and love in general.
I'll be reading more by this author......
gentle hugs
ke
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Originally Posted by lizwig 
Wow....thanks. A lot to ponder! "Go Cougs!!" (This will make sense to Kindeyes but probably not many others). WSU is my favorite!
lol
ke
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Thank you KE, I so agree. Even now with JJ at the ranch, if I dont hear from him for a few days, the cravings kick in, I start obsessing and I worry! This article helps to understand that my thoughts, behaviors and actions are still ingrained in the addictive behaviors that have enslaved me for so many years!
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I believe it.
There are times I sincerely wish my addict was anyone but my daughter - I'd drop her in a hot second. But. I. Can't.
(Today is her birthday - her 30th, a wonderful milestone - and she's in jail. We had plans to spend it together, but she was arrested a couple days ago in a park with lots of drugs. I so want to be with her and hold her tight, remember the day she came into my life...to laugh and cry and be the best mother-daughter-friends we once were...)
Aside from that...I can't let go, even as it kills my spirit. I AM addicted to my daughter and always have been. Not in a controlling, smothering way - I wanted all my kids to be independent and self-sufficient - but in a total surrender of my heart way. And just because she's an addict, a thief, a liar, and a manipulator, that society at large may see as a menace and trash, she's MINE and I love her with all my heart and soul.
It certainly makes it next to impossible for mothers to not be enablers. It's taking everything in me to keep a balance between love and rescue.
There are times I sincerely wish my addict was anyone but my daughter - I'd drop her in a hot second. But. I. Can't.
(Today is her birthday - her 30th, a wonderful milestone - and she's in jail. We had plans to spend it together, but she was arrested a couple days ago in a park with lots of drugs. I so want to be with her and hold her tight, remember the day she came into my life...to laugh and cry and be the best mother-daughter-friends we once were...)
Aside from that...I can't let go, even as it kills my spirit. I AM addicted to my daughter and always have been. Not in a controlling, smothering way - I wanted all my kids to be independent and self-sufficient - but in a total surrender of my heart way. And just because she's an addict, a thief, a liar, and a manipulator, that society at large may see as a menace and trash, she's MINE and I love her with all my heart and soul.
It certainly makes it next to impossible for mothers to not be enablers. It's taking everything in me to keep a balance between love and rescue.
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Originally Posted by YouWillBe
I believe it.
There are times I sincerely wish my addict was anyone but my daughter - I'd drop her in a hot second. But. I. Can't.
(Today is her birthday - her 30th, a wonderful milestone - and she's in jail. We had plans to spend it together, but she was arrested a couple days ago in a park with lots of drugs. I so want to be with her and hold her tight, remember the day she came into my life...to laugh and cry and be the best mother-daughter-friends we once were...)
Aside from that...I can't let go, even as it kills my spirit. I AM addicted to my daughter and always have been. Not in a controlling, smothering way - I wanted all my kids to be independent and self-sufficient - but in a total surrender of my heart way. And just because she's an addict, a thief, a liar, and a manipulator, that society at large may see as a menace and trash, she's MINE and I love her with all my heart and soul.
It certainly makes it next to impossible for mothers to not be enablers. It's taking everything in me to keep a balance between love and rescue.
There are times I sincerely wish my addict was anyone but my daughter - I'd drop her in a hot second. But. I. Can't.
(Today is her birthday - her 30th, a wonderful milestone - and she's in jail. We had plans to spend it together, but she was arrested a couple days ago in a park with lots of drugs. I so want to be with her and hold her tight, remember the day she came into my life...to laugh and cry and be the best mother-daughter-friends we once were...)
Aside from that...I can't let go, even as it kills my spirit. I AM addicted to my daughter and always have been. Not in a controlling, smothering way - I wanted all my kids to be independent and self-sufficient - but in a total surrender of my heart way. And just because she's an addict, a thief, a liar, and a manipulator, that society at large may see as a menace and trash, she's MINE and I love her with all my heart and soul.
It certainly makes it next to impossible for mothers to not be enablers. It's taking everything in me to keep a balance between love and rescue.
You made me cry! I put my only child on a plane to Rehab in another state for the THIRD time and I hate to say that I will do it 100 more times if need be! I will also mention that I am 3 months post break up from ABF who broke up with me so needless to say im a basket case! Thank God for SR!
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I do not whether this is relevant. We had the some guy in the local news the other day that had his 105 years birthday. He was asked whether he felt it was time to say farewell (this can be phrased politely here – I am not sure how to phrase that in English) and he answered not as long as my daughter needs me.
It did not say how old she was – it did make me smile.
They will probably always remain our children.
It did not say how old she was – it did make me smile.
They will probably always remain our children.
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