Drunkandalone

Went out on a date last night. Tried to refuse a drink did well at dinner. Went to a bar where the person I was with (a doctor) suggested I have a beer... After explaining to him why I couldnt he still suggest I have one as he was drinking. Ive been 8 days sober, I had one beer, dropped him off and went to bed. Does this count as a relapse? I had a headache after drinking it and dont have any desire to drink today.

jazzfish

Yes. However, you limited it and can get right back on the sober train.

Being a people pleaser is a huge issue for me and has led to many relapses.

wichitaks

You explained to him why you weren't drinking and he said you should have a beer? Some doctor!!! No offense but what a D-bag... Was he a real Dr.? As in not a dentist, chiropractor...etc..etc

Drunkandalone

He was a real doctor. I didnt explain that I was an alcoholic as on a first date i felt that would be embarrassing just that I was trying to stay sober for as long as I could

Croissant

My best wishes, but if he could convince you so easily on the first date, I don't think it bodes well for you or for him to continue.

I find it enough to say I don't feel like it. Which is always the truth for me now.

Drunkandalone

Really tho after only one drink I have to start from scratch? I feel so guilty now I want to drink again!

jazzfish

The only thing that starts again is the days of continuous sobriety. You still have all the other benefits and experience that came with your sobriety.

There are people who relapse after 5 years and then get 5 more years and they will say they have 10 years with one relapse. Whatever works for you. The only thing that matters is that you are sober today.

Croissant

Oh, if that was to my post, sorry, I meant it kindly that it didn't look good for a future with him if he can't accept your no to a drink...it would be a risk .

8 days is a great achievement!

Is dating necessary so early in your abstinence? Maybe it's a potential pressure you don't need if you feel bad for having a drink?

Olive1

Your recovery is yours and yours alone.
Don't stress over it, just change your start date to today and begin again. If it were me, I would definitely avoid situations where I would be so easily influenced.

ReadyAtLast

you still have the 8 days and can start again

Maybe dating so early on in sobriety isn't a good idea. Maybe concentrate on your recovery until you are feeling stronger, more secure and less easily influenced

SereneEdition

Hi DAA -

Congrats on 8 days! 8 days is quite an accomplishment.

Please don't feel bad. Early recovery is a lot about learning how to live life in different situations without alcohol.

In this case, doesn't sound like you had a clear line (and definition) of a relapse before - so the Drs. 'definition' substituted. Now hopefully you do have a self defined line - one that will be your guideline going forward, which will be infinitely valuable.

Curious - what types of support tools are you using to help you learn the ropes?

You're doing great. Really. Keep it up!

doggonecarl

That's not the lesson to take away from a relapse. That's just handing the bag over to your addiction, which is what it wants.

Stay strong. Move forward. And stay out of situations where you have to 1) turn down drinks, and 2) explain why you aren't drinking to drinkers.

Good luck.

Drunkandalone

I have a therapist and a friend who has recovered from alcohol addiction. Several other friends are also supportive. So ive got a lot of resources I just caved to peer pressure. That one drink though are making the cravings come on strong. Horrible how all that works.

ersatzmatriarch

daa...

i'm guessing you might now have your answer to the question you asked the other day... "will one drink really make a difference?"

i'm not trying to be mean here, but based on that other thread and this one... you're still hanging out in bars, kicking up your heels. the thing of it is that if we continue to do the same things, and remain the same person we were when we drank, we will continue to drink. at least, that's my perspective anyway.

nothing changes if nothing changes... the same person will get drunk... there are a ton of slogan-type things... the gist is though, that if i don't put down the drink and make changes i'm going to drink again.

i hope that you get back up and give sobriety everything you've got... life has so much more to offer than what can be found at the bottom of a bottle.

SereneEdition

Yes having a drink does tend to awakening the cravings. Thankfully you only had one. Just think how much harder they would be if you would have had more.

Good for you for working through this without drinking. Really, it's how we chose to respond that makes such a difference in recovery.

ScottFromWI

So the best thing you can take forward is how will you deal with this kind of situation again? One way is to just avoid drinking situations for a while until you have some sober time under your belt. Bars are placed designed for one thign - drinking. It's generally not a great idea to hang around in them if not drinking is your goal.

I thought the exact same thing as you did, as well as a good portion of the people here when I first quit..."How am I possibly going to have any fun or do anything if I can't drink or hang out at bars with my friends?" It's a question asked here daily - multiple times usually. The answer is that most people DON"T hang out in bars all the time. They have very productive, fulfilling lives without drinking much, many without drinking at all.

Acheleus

What Scott said.

BikerAcct

I don't know that I'd have a second date with this guy. If I explained to a date that I was trying to abstain for a while, and they pressured me into having a drink anyway. That would be my last date with them. Especially if it was the first date.

Is it a relapse? Only you can say in my opinion. Are you counting days of not drinking, or days of sobriety? If you are trying to totally quit drinking, then yes, I'd say it's a relapse.

ChloeB

I think 8 days is great!!! Don't give in now..just move ahead. You are all so supportive...I am very new and nervous about all of this.

Anna

I think the main point here is that you are not ready to be in social situations, especially with people you don't know well. Take that to heart and make some changes so that you can get past Day 8 this time.