Is he targeting me?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Lilongwe, Malawi, Africa
Posts: 4
Is he targeting me?
He's always drunk 24/4 even at work, the army). The past 4 days he has been sober during the day even at work only to get drunk the time I get home from my work. Finding him on the couch as always. The kids tell me he has been sober when he gets home but when hours are nearing my arrival at home he drinks and drinks.......why? to annoy me? how come he has been managing to stay sober during all day. what have I done wrong for him to do this to me? am I his target now?
box of chocolates
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,013
Nope hes probably trying to manage his drinking.
You arent the target. He is. Everything he does he does for him and alcohol.
Its not about what you do or dont. This is about him.
If hes remaining sober all day then drinking and this is out of the ordinary then he is probably trying to control his drinking or trying to quit but breaks the later the day gets.
You arent the target. He is. Everything he does he does for him and alcohol.
Its not about what you do or dont. This is about him.
If hes remaining sober all day then drinking and this is out of the ordinary then he is probably trying to control his drinking or trying to quit but breaks the later the day gets.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: England, UK
Posts: 257
It took me a long time to realise my XABF didn't drink AT me, he drank because he couldn't not drink. Your AH can only manage so long before his need to drink overwhelms him and he picks it up again, however much he tries to moderate it. It is not your fault, it is nothing you've done. His decision to start drinking is his alone, but he won't make the choice not to until he is ready, there is sadly nothing you can do either way.
I was even a little upset when I realised XABF would drink regardless of anything I did and that is wasn't about me. I wasn't even important enough to put in the effort to annoy me! And its hurts but its true, the drink is more important to him than considering your feelings. I'm sorry you are in this difficult situation.
I was even a little upset when I realised XABF would drink regardless of anything I did and that is wasn't about me. I wasn't even important enough to put in the effort to annoy me! And its hurts but its true, the drink is more important to him than considering your feelings. I'm sorry you are in this difficult situation.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
It became easier for me, in a way, when I realized that my A's drinking had nothing to do with me---and that they were not trying to hurt me. They were just doing what alcoholics do.....according to the disease....they drink. I agree with the others that he is probably trying to exert some control over it.....but, inevitably, this becomes more and more difficult to do. It is a disease, and the compulsion to drink is overwhelming.
Try to not take it personally. As was said.....he is not drinking AT you.
dandylion
Try to not take it personally. As was said.....he is not drinking AT you.
dandylion
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Lilongwe, Malawi, Africa
Posts: 4
Dandy, Wavy, thislonely - thank you very much. a huge burden off my chest. it's his business. unfourtunately I cant Control it. I want to run but I dont have the courage to do it. It hurts so much
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Welcome to SoberRecovery - I've found this to be a community of warm hearted, compassionate people who know first hand what it is like to live with an alcoholic. I am sorry for the reasons that brought you here.
When I first came to SR, people told me the three C's about alcoholism:
You didn't cause it
You can't control it
You can't cure it
Alcoholism is a disease that progresses whether or not the alcoholic wants it to. Only the alcoholic can prevent or stop the disease by choosing to never take a drink again. And the alcoholic has to WANT to do that, for their own sake.
There are lots of permanent threads at the top of the Friends and Families of Alcoholics index page - we call them "stickys", and they have lots of information about what alcoholism is and how to deal with it.
I hope that you come here often and post as often - and as long - as you want. I found support and information that changed the course of my life for the better.
ShootingStar1
When I first came to SR, people told me the three C's about alcoholism:
You didn't cause it
You can't control it
You can't cure it
Alcoholism is a disease that progresses whether or not the alcoholic wants it to. Only the alcoholic can prevent or stop the disease by choosing to never take a drink again. And the alcoholic has to WANT to do that, for their own sake.
There are lots of permanent threads at the top of the Friends and Families of Alcoholics index page - we call them "stickys", and they have lots of information about what alcoholism is and how to deal with it.
I hope that you come here often and post as often - and as long - as you want. I found support and information that changed the course of my life for the better.
ShootingStar1
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
No, you are not his target. He is trying to find his perfect alcohol dosage and administer it when necessary to achieve a desired effect (whatever makes them happy when they drink...I could never understand what is so great about alcohol. It only makes me sleepy or sick.)
Just to add: Those threads at the top are something that you should absolutely read. They gave me a whole new perspective, especially the thread describing alcoholism as a play (three Acts that go on and on and on). This week, for the first time ever since I've been married, I started thinking more about myself, just the way I used to do before I got myself into this mess. For the first time, I realized (no, it really hit me) that the problems I have with my boundaries and other personal issues are far greater and far more important than my husband's alcoholism, which is basically his own problem.
Just to add: Those threads at the top are something that you should absolutely read. They gave me a whole new perspective, especially the thread describing alcoholism as a play (three Acts that go on and on and on). This week, for the first time ever since I've been married, I started thinking more about myself, just the way I used to do before I got myself into this mess. For the first time, I realized (no, it really hit me) that the problems I have with my boundaries and other personal issues are far greater and far more important than my husband's alcoholism, which is basically his own problem.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
