Debbie

Hi all,

I am sitting here looking at a 1/2 empty bottle of vodka. It really makes me sad. It is taking everything I have in me to not dump it right down the drain. But you know what, what good would it do. I can't do anything else for him. Just makes me really sad. I am now going out to meet the addict friend who supposedly took his money so she can tell me the whole story. Not sure if I should go or not but I will. Meeting her in a public place so we both can keep it under control.

Just very sad....

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest.

Love,
Debbie

bonbon

Here is a HUGE hug for you (((((barbiedeb)))

Hang in there, it is sad, try to stay on top! Keep posting...I will pray for you..

Love&Hugs,
bonbon

Ann

Big hugs from me too, ****{Barbiedeb}}}

Hang in there girl. There is nothing wrong with YOU.

Hugs

Ann

Debbie

Hey thanks for the hugs!!

I went and its funny, they all lie alike. Lies from the addict you live with and lies from the addict the friend. I talked to her and I don't doubt that a lot was true and some wasn't. I think they are covering each others butts. Its between the two of them. I am out of it. His mother asked for the rent, I told her to talk to him; thats his responsibility. Oh well, nothing I can do. I am much calmer than I thought I would be. Just very sad about the whole thing.

I need to focus on me and that is what I plan to do. Thanks again for listening and the hugs, I needed them!!

Love,
Debbie

Debbie

Had to laugh at this....got in my email. These ducks just won't go away
http://www.gagsplus.com/toys/duckie.shtml

Ann

That's a hoot!! My ducky shreaks too when I squeeze him for information.

Glad you're feeling a little better. Never forget that you are a wonderful person, worthy of love and respect!!!

And glad you were in court with me today (see my nar-anon post).

****{extra hugs}}}

Ann AKA Ann

chronic

Debbie,

I grew up with a severly alocholic mother. I used to try all kinds of tricks to cut down on her alcohol use. Pouring out some of the liquor and adding water to it, or just dumping it out period. It never worked and only brought her wrath down upon me. I don't know if visiting with that person will help. but I can empathize with you and, hope you can find ways to take care of yourself.

Debbie

Hey all,

Something must working here. I am so much more calm abet sad about the whole thing than I normally would have been. I know I can't do anything for him.

He is passed out in the basement. I thought about waking him to go to bed but I didn't. I didn't want to loose my peace and quiet up here. So he will come up when he is ready and do whatever he has to do. I can't help him.

The meeting as I said was ok. Not sure who is lying more but thats between them. Maybe it was good just to get out of the house and talk to someone. Not sure. But I am done with his lies and I have listened to her out of courtesy (I apologized in person for my behavior the other day...horray for me!!)and I am done with her now too. I've made my peace about the money situation. Not sure where I will go with the drinking situation but I will find my way

Thank you all for caring so much, it means the world to me.

Love and hugs,
Debbie

PS I didn't dump the booze, wouldn't do any good so its there for him should he want it.

[This message has been edited by barbiedeb (edited May 07, 2002).]

JT

BD,

I am so happy for you!! You have come so far..just think about where you were and where you are now...and you wil never leave us..

JT

Debbie

Hi JT

I am pretty proud of myself (tooting my horn!!). I know I will have my moments but right now I know I am doing the right thing and its so calming All of you have helped me so much!! Thanks.

Take care.
Love,
Debbie

Morning Glory

I think that being sad is a sign of your progress just in itself. I think that sad means acceptance. I'm big on acceptance these days. Great Job, Debbie. Love the duck.


MG

Kitty

I can 100% understand the searching down the bottles...I am on a continual hunt for bottles, glasses etc. full of vodka. It is a game for me..like a get a prize or something for finding this! I want to scream at him...and most of the time I do. Like today when he came home drunk ...I just yell what the hell are you doing to yourself? Why??????? Does he hear me...no...and if he does...I just catch sh..! I feel for you...it is a terrible postion to be in...one I hope I can pull myself out of soon...they are like giant hooks that dig into your body and you can't get loose. Take care...Kitty

smoke gets in my eyes

Hi Debbie!

Excellent ! Your next hurdle will be not bothering with meeting the jerks and jerkettes to even hear the lies.

I want a glow devil ducky.

Hugs,
Smoke

firefly

Hey barbiedeb,

I just wanted to say

how proud I am of you

firefly

Debbie

Hi all

I do have to day one of the hardest things I ever did was not to dump that booze. Its like this big spider I just want to flush it down the drain. But I couldn't look at it anymore so its in the cabinet. I will put it back on the counter before I leave for work.

As for the meeting the jerks, I know I shouldn't have and I know they lie but I wanted to compare the lies I guess. Something stupid, but I will learn.

Any way, thanks for all the kind words.

I need to go to work. Its my busy day which I am thankful for this week

You all have a great day!!!

Love,
Debbie

helluvagalnva

Hi Deb,

I'm so proud of you. Being sad is ok it's a normal feeling. You are moving in the right direction - sad is alot better than angery.

It is so true that they are like giant hooks that hook our bodies and soooooooooo hard to get loose.

You know what it's his loss anyway. You are a terrific woman that has alot to offer and he's the one who is missing out. Thumbs up to you!!!!!

Love,
Galnva

Debbie

Hey All

Thanks again for your support. I got home today and guess what he's not here, door wide open. My dogs wouldn't protect anything in this house, they would lick them to death. Guess he is on another "tear" which surprises me since he usually goes at least one day sober before drinking again. Oh well, I guess things are changing. He's been officially told not to come back to the outpatient rehab since he signed a contract saying he wouldn't use while attending. Oh well, just hope no one gets hurt, including him.

I think I need a rest, this holding back from doing the old stuff (dumping, going to look for him, etc- which I haven't done) is draining.

Talk to you all later.
Love,
Debbie

Just a note: home and drunk. I am thankful he hasn't hurt anyone. Feeling real tired about the whole thing.

[This message has been edited by barbiedeb (edited May 08, 2002).]

Ann

Barbiedeb

It's a roller coaster ride, and it makes us all sick (I don't even like the Fair anymore)

You're doing great - don't ever doubt that. These are terrible trying times for YOU and I will say a little prayer for strength for you. (We seem to be batting 1000 on prayer this week). I know God has a special place in his heart for us codependent "angels".

We're all with you.

Hugs

Ann

Debbie

Hi Ann

Thanks Sure is a roller coaster ride, I don't like it, time to get off. Been thinking more and more on those lines for a while now, more seriously than ever. Time will tell what happens but I have faith I will move in the right direction.

Many hugs
Love
Debbie




[This message has been edited by barbiedeb (edited May 08, 2002).]

Kitty

I know what you mean..........I want off this ride too.............mine is "hammmered again tonight"...he calls it tired. I just get sick when I look at him...I know you do too. I too am thankful he is home and has not hurt anyone on the way...my greatest fear!
Take care...........Kitty