MTMax

Hello everyone, I am a wounded veteran of Iraq-struggled with addiction before and after my stint in the Army. Almost two years ago my cousin (like a brother to me) died of from OD. It was my wake up call-I was already in treatment when I got the call-I took treatment seriously and stayed sober for nearly two years, until I went back out. What's different this time? I have gotten a sponsor (who I actually meet with). I attend meetings and now I am considering whether or not it is healthy to stay in the relationship I am already in. I love the lady very dearly--and her son, who is like my own. She drinks on occasion but refused to see how it affects me and her son-much less herself. We have been living together, last night I moved back to my apartment. For me I can't have a partner that drinks-at all; it's too much of a risk. I also have a DOC commitment hanging over my head. The problem I am having is that I am the best man her son has ever had in his life. Lately my crazy temper and our fights have been affecting him. I know we are both willing to put it work to fix things-we recently began to attend therapy together...and last night she finally agreed to give up alcohol. What I don't know is if it is an empty promise to get me to stay in the relationship. She says that drinking after work is a part of who she is and that I am not allowing her to be herself. I don't want to be controlling or stop her from being herself, if that's how she views it-so for my sanity i removed myself from the situation. Is it unreasonable to want a partner that doesn't drink? Is it unreasonable to ask that of her? I think she will resent me if I stay bcz I won't tolerate drinking...I know everything I have read and been told tell me to run for the hills. I like a challenge and have faith that eventually she will see the light--after all we are both attending college to be addiction counselors--maybe I am fighting the truth here and afraid to go at life alone--and afraid to leave that boy...I think that if I can stay strong in my recovery, focus on myself and what I need to change in my life I can make it work--I just don't know if she can focus on herself and not me to change the things she needs to change...

ZoeM

MTMax - I think you did the right thing by removing yourself from the situation - gives you both time to calm down and decide what to do next. If the relationship is meant to work, then it will in time and for now, you can support her son from a distance yes?
Much better for him also, not to have two people arguing around him.
Just my thoughts x

Dee74

Welcome to SR Max

I know you'll find a lot of support here.
I hope your partner will find her way too but, as you know, it needs to be her choice.

D

Hevyn

Welcome MTMax. I'm so glad you decided to join us. This is a great place for support, friendship & understanding.

It's a difficult question to answer. I tend to agree with Zoe that you need time to see what the next step should be. It was wise of you to move away from the situation for the time being. You need to focus on yourself and your own feelings for awhile. In my case, my husband drinks occasionally & it doesn't bother me - probably because I know if I touch it again I will die. We're all different in this respect. If it presents a temptation to you then being around it isn't an option.

Thank you for serving in the military. I'm very sorry you were wounded, and that you lost your cousin. I'm glad you're being honest about your addiction and reaching out for a better life.