Nature74

Hello, everyone. I am not new here...been lurking forever. Finally signed up so I could post. I have been "trying" to quit drinking since 2009 and finally decided to quit trying and just do it. I am using somewhat of my own approach...a cross between RR with a spiritual component because I do believe in a higher power. Anyway, enough about me for now. My question or concern pertains to my profession. Actually I have two jobs with the same concern. Both require a lot of travel and the mentality of both is very much a cross between a frat party and a vacation. Meaning it is expected and highly encouraged to drink and socialize every night of our trips. Lots of peer pressure and whatnot. We are not kids either...age ranges from 35-60. It isn't an option to not travel or to avoid after work gatherings so what is the best way to handle it? I would love to be able to tell them all that I cannot drink because I am addicted but given the nature of my job that type of disclosure isn't appropriate. What suggestions do you all have?

dwtbd

nothing personal toward you, I'll respond to a hypothetical

a. if someone were actually required or forced to consume any substance it sounds like a case of civil rights violations, is this really the case?

b. the right answer probably is very difficult on many levels

jazzfish

I worked as an international consultant and faced a similar predicament. It would get so bad that they would huddle around my seat pushing shot glasses into my face, pouring it into my food. Refusing the drinks can be done, but it was often very unpleasant. I ended up quitting.

resolute50

You could simply tell them you have uncontrolled high blood pressure and drinking makes it very dangerous.

Anna

My suggestion is don't lie. Honesty is necessary for recovery. However, there is no reason why you should tell co-workers about your alcoholism.

If it was me, I would quit. I couldn't have survived in that environment and my sobriety is more important than my job.

Oldselfagain

I've faced similar situations. My response was and is "I'm on the wagon". That usually did the trick. But if the questioning would persist, as it sometimes did, I would just say I'm trying to be healthier and I can't drink like I used to when I was in college at the frat house. You don't need to get into details. It's worked for me. Good luck

jazzfish

It is very difficult to change course once your coworkers know you are a drinker. No one-off excuses will work because there is always next time. You have to establish yourself as a non-drinker who will never compromise on that bit. There is nothing easy you can say to bring this about. The most honest thing is to tell them you have a life threatening allergy to alcohol and that if you drink you may die. Otherwise, it can be an endless pain in the ass battle of fighting off their offers for "just one".

CaseyW

A simple "I don't drink" will suffice in 99.9% of situations. You'd be surprised how little non-alcoholics will even notice that you're drinking a soda instead of a vodka or beer, much less actually care what the reason is. You're an alcoholic so you focus on drinking and think everyone else does too. That's just not the case most of the time.

And there's a decent chance that anyone who pushes for more than that for an answer has a drinking problem themselves. If you have to elaborate then maybe say you stopped drinking because you're trying to get healthier. It might not be the whole truth, but it's definitely not a lie either.

But don't lie. In my experience, lying leads to drinking.

360shoes

Hi Nature,
I had one of those jobs before too. Even weirder, I resigned from that job...for many reasons and now I work in a restaurant/bar. Go figure. I'm now the only one who doesn't drink..to my knowledge anyway.

I've found that people really don't care what someone else does past it just is different so they may ask why you don't. They move on pretty quickly.

I guess I could look at it as it is part of my job to drink since we serve the garbage but I don't and not one person has ever said to me I have to. Heck, even the liquor sales people know I don't drink so if they have something new I just let someone else give their opinion on it. I ain't drinking it anyway so my opinion is irrelevant.

Anybody asks me why I don't drink I just say I don't like it. And it's no lie. I don't like one thing about it and have the past to prove why I think that way. I say no more. I don't owe anyone an explanation.

Probably the fun part of getting my s*** together and being my age. I can do whatever I want and I feel no need to explain further. Rather empowering in my opinion.

Now I'm not telling anyone else what works for them. I understand some people would be vulnerable in my situation. It's the opposite for me. I love it. I feel unique and different in a positive way because everyday I get to show people that life without alcohol is just that. Life without alcohol. Nothing more. Nothing less. I'm just as fabulous all on my own. IMO

If its true that your job requires you to drink, I'd get another job. If it turns out that its just what everyone has done because no one has done any different, be the first to break that glass ceiling. You never know who has been waiting for someone to do that so that they can do it to.

Character and courage come from these types of situations. It's a great feeling to be who you really are and apologize to no one for it!

You can do it. Bring your A game without being drunk like everyone else. Show them smart, fun, energetic, and positive all on a fizzy water!!

visch1

It is a dilemma with no easy answer you want to hear. I'm on the wagon might work or leaving that position certainly will solve it. Easy for me sitting here to type, I know. Try to consider the consequences of the losses with continued drinking. They sure are not minimal. BE WELL

MTD

Many people have food allergies and you wouldn't expect them to eat something that you are having because everyone is eating it. I say that I am allergic to the ethanol in alcohol and that it makes you very ill. That hopefully will stop someone from expecting you to partake.

Louise82

Hi Nature, I have no advice regarding the work situation but I just wanted to say that I'm glad you decided to make an account and post and that you have a plan for quitting drinking.

Nature74

Thanks to everyone so far!! Great advice and much appreciated. I would venture to say that probably 85% of the people I work with have a problem with alcohol...that is why there is so much pressure to keep everyone as inebriated as much as they are. Not judging them just saying they are preoccupied with how much and who is drinking, etc. Most of the time it doesn't bother me to tell them I am trying to be healthy or that I am allergic to it, etc. It just gets old after awhile. Especially when I am with the same group traveling for weeks at a time.

doggonecarl

...after work gatherings. Key word here--AFTER.

There may be a lot of pressure to gather and drink, but I hardly think it's a requirement. Do your eight hours on the job and what you do after work is your business.

Oldselfagain

Try not to drink next time you're traveling for work. What you'll find the next day is how productive you are and you'll notice how slow and lethargic and miserable the crowd is that did booze the night before. I think you'll find it very enlightening....it will surely help you're resolve to stay sober.

quitforme79

Tell them you have a condition & can no longer drink. That if you do you'll have a bad reaction. That's the truth!

Maestro

Here's a thought: If I didn't want to drink (ugh, unfortunately it rarely happened), I would order a LaCroix. I rarely had to explain what I was drinking. They only need to know the whole truth if they ask