Back to Square One...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 465
Back to Square One...
Yet again, I've relapsed and now I'm sitting here feeling absolutely miserable less than 24 hours after my last drink.
Sometimes I feel like I'm not strong enough to stop. Dissapointed in myself for allowing this to keep happening, but I guess those kinds of thoughts aren't entirely helpful. I'll get it right one day; hopefully sooner rather than later
Sometimes I feel like I'm not strong enough to stop. Dissapointed in myself for allowing this to keep happening, but I guess those kinds of thoughts aren't entirely helpful. I'll get it right one day; hopefully sooner rather than later
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: South Yorkshire U.K
Posts: 313
Yep, same here. I'm back on day 2 after doing nearly a week. I'm dissapointed in myself, but no point dwelling on it - Every day sober is better than spending it drunk. Don't beat yourself too much, bad feelings aren't gonna help you get back on your feet 
. They just end up dragging you down by your ankles. Dust yourselves down, get back on the wagon and see if you can learn something from it; what made you drink? Everyone fails at least once. The real failure is giving up.
. They just end up dragging you down by your ankles. Dust yourselves down, get back on the wagon and see if you can learn something from it; what made you drink? Everyone fails at least once. The real failure is giving up.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: UK (England)
Posts: 2,782
Today is a new day. Don't drink today and make this the start of your recovery. You are strong enough to do this. Do you have a plan for your recovery?. Maybe look at what is going wrong so you can break the cycle you are in. Do you need extra support?. I hope you feel better.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,431
Hi Alphabet
I think the voice that tells us we're not strong enough is our addiction.
We're plenty strong enough
maybe you just need to add a little more to whatever you've been doing for your recovery so far?
do you have any ideas on that score?
D
I think the voice that tells us we're not strong enough is our addiction.
We're plenty strong enough
maybe you just need to add a little more to whatever you've been doing for your recovery so far?
do you have any ideas on that score?
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 465
Thanks guys
I know I need to be more active, the boredom really gets to me and that's where I land into trouble. Things got so much worse when I lost my job in May. I've been trying to find something, enything else to no avail. I also really need to find some sober friends I can hang out with, but at least I have SR
I know I need to be more active, the boredom really gets to me and that's where I land into trouble. Things got so much worse when I lost my job in May. I've been trying to find something, enything else to no avail. I also really need to find some sober friends I can hang out with, but at least I have SR
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Bourne, MA
Posts: 60
guys,
The way I see it is if you're stringing a week at a time together and then messing it up a day or two here and there, it's 100x better than getting ripped every night!
I'm not trying to suggest that relapse is a good thing but at least in the vein of trying to be pragmatic, you're making the effort.
I'll speak for myself here. For me, I would rather just not do it at all than live the rollarcoaster. Look at is like this. Is there really a food source or alcoholic beverage that taste/feels as good as being in great shape (mentally/physically) does? Your mileage may vary but my answer is a resounding "NO". While it's easy to be complacent of forget all together, this is the philosophy that I'm trying to keep at the forefront.
My point: don't beat yourselves up too much. Give some credit where it's due but also endeavor to improve continuously
The way I see it is if you're stringing a week at a time together and then messing it up a day or two here and there, it's 100x better than getting ripped every night!
I'm not trying to suggest that relapse is a good thing but at least in the vein of trying to be pragmatic, you're making the effort.
I'll speak for myself here. For me, I would rather just not do it at all than live the rollarcoaster. Look at is like this. Is there really a food source or alcoholic beverage that taste/feels as good as being in great shape (mentally/physically) does? Your mileage may vary but my answer is a resounding "NO". While it's easy to be complacent of forget all together, this is the philosophy that I'm trying to keep at the forefront.
My point: don't beat yourselves up too much. Give some credit where it's due but also endeavor to improve continuously
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 465
Day 2 and feeling better, just extremely tired and a bit overheated/sweaty. I'm staying at my dad's again, I just told him I was depressed so I could stay, not that I relapsed yet again; I think it would break his heart. Thankfully he's been going to Al Anon, anyway.
Hoping I'm feeling way less like a snail tomorrow for my interview - not having a job is making me lose my mind!
Thank you for everyone's kind words <3
Hoping I'm feeling way less like a snail tomorrow for my interview - not having a job is making me lose my mind!
Thank you for everyone's kind words <3
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
Sobriety is possible...for everyone. You just have to want it bad enough. When you do, you are willing to do whatever it takes to not pick up a drink NO MATTER WHAT. The way I figure it is you can do this now or you can do it later when someone else like a judge tells you that you have to do this. They really aren't kidding that addiction ends in jails, institutions, or death for those that don't find recovery. Figure out what you need to do to want this bad enough.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 465
Day 4 and feeling waaaaaaay better! Still irritable and a bit depressed, but no sweats, no shaking, no nausea. So glad to be rid of those symptoms! I know I've still got a long road ahead until I'm back to "normal" (whatever that is... I sincerely forget, if I've ever even known) but it's good to not feel like I'm dying anymore!
I'll be staying with my boyfriend for the weeked, who hates being around when I'm drunk, so that'll be a good distraction and reason NOT to pick up a drink. Poor thing just texted me saying "I hate saying this, and I don't want to - but I have to... if I pick you up from the train station tonight and you're drunk, I'm leaving you there". Of course I understand completely, I've done that to him too many times, but I'm kinda proud to prove to him that it won't be like that this weekend and Gods be willing, never again.
I also had my second interview for a job I applied for this morning which I think went really well! Waiting with baited breath to get the call back and crossing my fingers that it's great news. I really need this! At this point, I have no choice but to break my lease and move in with my dad, anyway (which I'm dreading) but with a job, at least I'll be able to start saving to get the heck outta there. Plus, I'll have my car back and something to take my mind off of cravings; a result of how bored I am, and have been over the past few months!
Anyway, just wanted to update with some positive info, I feel like I haven't been doing a lot of that. Thank you all for your continued support - I really don't know what I'd do without this community.
xo
I'll be staying with my boyfriend for the weeked, who hates being around when I'm drunk, so that'll be a good distraction and reason NOT to pick up a drink. Poor thing just texted me saying "I hate saying this, and I don't want to - but I have to... if I pick you up from the train station tonight and you're drunk, I'm leaving you there". Of course I understand completely, I've done that to him too many times, but I'm kinda proud to prove to him that it won't be like that this weekend and Gods be willing, never again.
I also had my second interview for a job I applied for this morning which I think went really well! Waiting with baited breath to get the call back and crossing my fingers that it's great news. I really need this! At this point, I have no choice but to break my lease and move in with my dad, anyway (which I'm dreading) but with a job, at least I'll be able to start saving to get the heck outta there. Plus, I'll have my car back and something to take my mind off of cravings; a result of how bored I am, and have been over the past few months!
Anyway, just wanted to update with some positive info, I feel like I haven't been doing a lot of that. Thank you all for your continued support - I really don't know what I'd do without this community.
xo
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: CAPE COD, MA
Posts: 1,020
Positive thinking is an asset that's so help full compared to negativity. When I finally plugged the jug I constantly reminded myself that if I didn't pick up the first drink I wouldn't have to get sober AGAIN! BE WELL
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 465
Hey guys,
Today officially marks one week! It wasn't too hard as I've had a lot of support and was essentially around people who didn't want me to drink the entire time, but still; one week is the longest I've done by myself outside of a detox center! Tonight I'm keeping busy by hanging out at the library; I think I'm gonna make this a nighttime ritual to keep myself away from opprotunities to drink aka unyeilding boredom. Plus, I can get on chat, here!
More good news: I got the job!!! Today was my first day, and I felt really good about it. Seems like a great environment to work, plus after a grace period I'll be able to get a dramatic discount on my monthly phone bill (I'm working for a big cell company). Plus, they don't care if I have my tattoos showing... which is great, because I'd probably get sick of having to cover up, um... my entire body, everyday haha.
As far as PAWS, I really don't feel off at all. I feel like I'm back to my "normal" self already, though I know that's likely not the case. Still, I'm happy to be feeling the way that I am for the time being.
Thank you all again for being there for me when I really needed it. It's good to know we all have a place to come to when stressed out about our addictions.
<3
Today officially marks one week! It wasn't too hard as I've had a lot of support and was essentially around people who didn't want me to drink the entire time, but still; one week is the longest I've done by myself outside of a detox center! Tonight I'm keeping busy by hanging out at the library; I think I'm gonna make this a nighttime ritual to keep myself away from opprotunities to drink aka unyeilding boredom. Plus, I can get on chat, here!
More good news: I got the job!!! Today was my first day, and I felt really good about it. Seems like a great environment to work, plus after a grace period I'll be able to get a dramatic discount on my monthly phone bill (I'm working for a big cell company). Plus, they don't care if I have my tattoos showing... which is great, because I'd probably get sick of having to cover up, um... my entire body, everyday haha.
As far as PAWS, I really don't feel off at all. I feel like I'm back to my "normal" self already, though I know that's likely not the case. Still, I'm happy to be feeling the way that I am for the time being.
Thank you all again for being there for me when I really needed it. It's good to know we all have a place to come to when stressed out about our addictions.
<3
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Colorado
Posts: 355
Originally Posted by Alphabet 
Hoping I'm feeling way less like a snail tomorrow for my interview - not having a job is making me lose my mind!
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