Hope

People are WAY less forgiving when you relapse *after* you went to rehab. :*(

Hope

Or maybe it's just me. ;(

bigsombrero

That's probably true. Look at Lindsay Lohan - she went to rehab 7 times, and each time she relapsed the criticism got worse and worse. And I bet if you've followed her story you felt the same way: "why can't that woman get her ass together? She's lucky enough to get professional help and she pisses it away!"

I think it's the same scorn that we'd give to a lottery winner who went bankrupt. Now, if a regular person went bankrupt, we'd feel sorry for them. But if someone won $500,000 and then declared bankruptcy, we'd call that guy an irresponsible loser.

It just comes with the territory. Human nature. It is what it is. Be strong and take your lumps. The only solution is to stay sober, then you won't face any criticism. Standing in line waiting for a sympathy cookie isn't going to help you, regardless of when you relapsed. Start working on a plan and look FORWARD. Good luck!

ScottFromWI

It's probably true. And frankly I don't blame them, it's a lot of time and money down the drain.

But what's most important is how forgiving you are of yourself, and what you do to prevent it from happening again.

Tang

Hey, at least you had the guts to go to rehab. Many don't. Learn from the mistakes. Life can be full of second, third chances.

Mizzuno

I relapsed after rehab. One year into my sobriety, I dived off the plank into drinking. It took me a few years to make it back into sobriety. This is not the outcome that is desired,and getting back into sobriety is the best solution. Keep walking forward. I know that it is hard, and i know how terrible it feels. One day at a time.

susasober1

Hope,

I don't know about your exact situation or if you were even talking about yourself...but the thing about Rehab is that while you're there, you're in a safe cocoon and not out in the real world. It's easy to stay sober in that type of environment (or at least easier)...when you get out you have to genuinely want sobriety and you have to have a solid plan for it or it will be easy to relapse.

The first and only time I checked myself into detox, I relapsed immediately after getting out...for me, I just wasn't ready...finally after many tries, I was able to get sober on my own and with the help of AA meetings...I don't know what your story is...

zoey09

Or fourth, fifth and sixth.
I've lost count of my attempts.
I feel like as long as we are living and breathing and we keep trying (honestly trying) rehab or not it will come together one day. Hopefully sooner then later ; )
If it were easy there wouldn't be millions of us struggling with addiction.

Dee74

I've never been to rehab but I know my family was pretty unforgiving of me - but then when I think what I pushed them to, maybe I understand it a little better now.

Anyway, whats done can't be undone, Hope - how are you doing now?

D

mfanch

I relapsed after rehab 4 times. People just rolled their eyes at that point and said that I would be better off locked in an institution. BUT, I realize that all those times....I wasn't done. I was not going to get sober until I was DONE. That day came 20 years later than everyone wanted, but it came. On June 1, 2009, I was done. Haven't put a chemical in my body since.

Maxamuus

I know the feeling. I started in April trying to get sober. 2 rehabs and 3 detoxs later I am still a drunk. I just lie awake at night trying to figure out what it is that I am just not getting. 4 months of my life and nearly 65,000 dollars later and I am no further along then when I started.

All my family and loved ones can do is look at me with pity and say why cant you stop.

Lionhearted1

I don't think it matters how many times you go to rehab what matters is do you want to quit more than you want to drink...

Threshold

I know when I got into recovery I had a vending machine understanding of recovery. That I would do A and get B. Easy Peasy. I didn't understand that it was more complex than that, and that the distance between A and B might be a long, interesting, convoluted ride.

I think that is a common belief, and if the folks outside of us have it, then they don't understand why rehab didn't fix us. Why the input of cash and a "vacation" and someone talking to us sternly didn't work some magic on us. We all know how frustrating it is when we put our dollar in and our snack cakes don't fall out of the vending machine. I know I get all kinds of made, cursing, muttering, shaking the machine, calling out how unfair it is, that I'm being cheated etc etc.

I felt the same when my recovery efforts didn't reward me with the mended relationships, job opportunities and gold plated life I thought I had coming to me. My guess is that other folks wonder the same thing...heck..I thought she was in recovery...

Rehab doesn't fix us, Going to meetings and reading books doesn't fix us, those can help us access tools and get moral support, but it us who has to do the work. Take apart the vending machine, figure out what isn't working, get new parts, tune it up, put it back together and then see if we don't get what it was we came for.

For me the first thing I had to give up was my knee jerk anger/victim reaction to life. I still have to give it up about 9 times a day. Because banging on the vending machine and cursing it isn't helping. I have to get to the process that actually addresses my life.

It takes different things to get us to that point where we are willing to stop for real and do what it takes (and we don't really know what that means till we get there) to stay clean and sober and live life.

Rehab doesn't fix us, but it can teach us some ways to help us fix ourselves.

Carlotta

Hi

I am not sure which people you are referring too but if it is your loved ones, it might have to do with their own codependency and going through the roller coaster of loving an addict, getting their hopes up, mistakenly thinking that rehab will "cure" you and you'll all live happily ever after.
I would encourage you to read the friends and family forum, lots of posts on that topic from people whose loved ones relapse after rehabs.
Also I don't know where you are located, but rehab can put a strain on the family finances or on an employer who has to do without you while you are doing better, they might feel that all that money has been wasted on nothing.

Twofish

Hi Hope, Like the others have said "who are these people who are not forgiving?" What sounds important to me is how forgiving of yourself are you? You should be more concerned about your sobriety and recovery than these other "people" not forgiving you. Don't beat yourself up, look at what triggered this and move on. Remember the tools you were taught in rehab, apply them and enjoy the life you once knew as being sober. Hugs to you Hope. TF

EndGameNYC

Great comment. Love your sig too.

EndGameNYC

Like the rest of your comment, Threshold, good stuff.