ImDoingIt

I just can't win. I am worse now even after finding this wonderful sight. Why is that? Last time I quit drinking I was totally ready! That was 5 years ago. Last year I picked up a bottle of Pacifico and bamm! Then a ciggy. Whiskey all the way. Love the buzz. I am an idiot. I want that feeling again of never wanting to drink again!! When will that happen????

Anna

It will happen after you stop drinking, but it might take awhile. Recovery is a lifelong process and struggling at times is not unusual.

You are getting worse because alcoholism is a progressive disease. It will worsen until you stop drinking.

ImDoingIt

I make it three days then it comes back strong. How can I make it after the third day? I know...go to the gym, call a friend, use this sight. It's on the way home that gets me. Don't drive by the liqour store, go straight home, go shopping. I am a mess!

LoneJakalope

When you make the decision to be a different person than you were. Personally, I got tired of waking up every morning and saying "I hate my life. I hate myself and what I've become." But I know everyone is different. Search, and you will find it. You have to find your own reason to quit but you're on the right path if you're looking! Revelations are sometimes gradual. Epiphanies are more rare than you think. Best wishes. Stick around
Grant

suki44883

Why did you pick up the Pacifico last year? Was something uncomfortable going on, or did you just think that since you went four years, you could drink moderately?

jazzfish

In what way is it worse: the amount you are drinking, the way you are feeling, or your desire to quit? Alcoholism is only progressive in its symptoms, you can arrest it at any time by stopping your drinking. There is no magic in quitting, simply don't pick up the next drink.

least

When you want to be sober more than you want to drink, then you'll be able to quit for good.

ImDoingIt

My mom's husband died and we went through a lot of stuff. At first I had a few every now and then. But you know what they say just like cigs never pick one up cause that's it. I hate myself right now!!

Dee74

SR is great - you'll find a lot of support here - but it's not a cure.

You need to decide not to drink and then back up that decision with some work - make changes in your life, have a plan, and find support to make that happen.

You've done this before - you can do it again

D

ImDoingIt

Done this before. I am so tired and worn out. This morning I was so out of it.
Give me some really really good advice for tomorrow! I just HATE myself right now.

ScottFromWI

Well, for advice I'd probably say try to quit the self hate/pity. It's completely counterproductive and a waste if everyone's time (yours included). Start the day by not drinking too. Then work in small steps to figure out stay sober for the day.

suki44883

Don't hate yourself. You have done nothing to warrant that. You can start again, but don't feel like you've lost your sober time. You haven't. You were sober for four years, and you have that experience still. If you truly want to be sober again, you can. You know your can, but you need to put the self pity and self anger behind you.

We are all here to support you. You can do this!

ImDoingIt

I never drink in the AM. But by 12 I am frustrated. No pitty here just absolutely frustrated!! I am a grown women and out of control. This sucks! So you know what...tomorrow I am going to try and take control of my life!!
I will see you all then! This sight might be my life!