lsw2boys

Is it wrong to still want a divorce though AH is willing to try to stop drinking, (he is in denial he is an alcoholic) agree to try AA, and is being uncharacteristically nice? He began medication to address untreated anxiety which has helped anger and has been so pleasant, tries to help around house, etc for the past couple of weeks. However, I made the decision, both mind and heart, to leave which prompted these changes by AH. I care for him so much and want him to get healthy for himself and for boys but when I think about a future with him (even sober) I cringe, as awful as that is. He is the father of my two boys and has recently been more involved and I know that I am breaking up the family, this devastates me but this is also why I haven't left years ago. AH tells me that he knows I am just being stuboorn and once I have made my mind up about something I am too prideful to admit it and change back. I am worried this is the case..I stink at relationships, I know I do. I totally have commitment issues but I when I made that decision, I felt so much peace and hope for a joyful future that I have not felt in so long. I don't want to break up family though for selfish reasons and if AH is true to giving sobriety a chance.

Needed to share that and vent..Thanks.

honeypig

If you are done w/the relationship, you are done. Doesn't matter whether he is willing to get sober or not, if you don't want any part of a life together w/him, you do NOT owe it to anyone to stay with him.

Folks here say when you are done, you know it. Many of us are on the fence, but those who have left say that you know w/o a doubt when you are done.

Hammer

You doing Alanon?

Just asking since he/you are talking AA for him.

Alanon is sort of the "other" side of things. "Our" side of things. A lot of your own acknowledged issues would likely be covered in that, and whether he stops drinking or not, and whether you stay together or not, that helps YOU a whole lot.

And you have to live with you the rest of your life.

Since there are kids involved you are likely to be tied across that path, as well. Alanon will help you deal with that, as well.

Guess I am trying to say get your own stuff really clean, and you will find yourself a WHOLE LOT LESS tied into his nonsense and alcoholism.

NWGRITS

If he denies being an A, all of the other quacking he's doing is worthless. If you are done, then you're done. No one here would tell you otherwise. Kids are resilient, but they are also much more perceptive than anyone gives them credit for. My mother has been an A my entire life, so I'm speaking from experience here. Leaving would be healthy for all of you. (((Hugs)))

lsw2boys

Thanks for the reassurance..especially the perspective of a child of an alcoholic. Being from a divorced family I didn't want the kids to go through this but I don't think this is a good environment either.

Hammer, I agree..I am ashamed to say that I haven't been to meetings. I read a lot of the literature and really try to implement how I have contributed to the situation and marriage but I have not worked steps, have a sponsor or anything like that. I need to. I want to live my life in a healthier way, view relationships and people in a healthier perspective and be more at peace with who I am. Even as I write this, it is painful for me to admit that I am so flawed in how I view the world, myself and others. Thanks for saying this and it is a message I am hearing repeatedly..Now I have to just do something about it!