DoloresHaze

I've come crawling back.... I was active here for a while, but since I kept drinking heavily, I felt like I was just wasting everyone's time. And My own.

Anyway, my husband and I both drink way too much. But it's more of a problem for me. I get extremely sick in the morning. He does not. It just seems like it's interfering in my life a lot more that in his.

I've talked to him over and over about my problem and my desire to stop drinking. I've told him not to bring hard liquor into the house. We've agreed to cut down together.

I know I'm responsible for myself and it's not up to him to fix me. But he still comes home with a bottle of rum, and says "just don't drink it." Riiiiiiiiiight. Thanks , babe.

And he's a hypocrite! Sometimes he'll hide a bottle of whisky in the garage and take a few sips in the afternoon. But if I ask if I can have one, he will scold me and refuse to give me one. This whole situation is starting to ruin our marriage.

I can imaging the sweet revenge of quitting completely and taking this power away from him. But he's making it very hard.

Eleni58

Sorry to hear about your hubby! Do you have a plan to completely quit drinking? Cutting down usually doesn't work in the long run. Hope you get a support system going soon and maybe set some ground rules for your husband (i.e. don't let him bring an alcohol in the house). Another word of advice: don't quit because you want to get revenge on your husband, quit for you!

ReadyAtLast

My husband carried on drinking when I stopped. It's difficult but itis possible to get sober even when your OH drinks.

Maybe he is refusing to give you a sip as he knows you are trying to quit. Maybe he has his own problem, Maybe he puts in the garage so you don't see it. I don't really know.

I do know that you can get sober. It's YOUR sobriety. Even if he quits,sobriety pacts often fail as when one drinks again the other follows suit.

I agree with ELeni-cutting down rarely works- if it did you wouldn't be here now? Just concentrate on your own sobriety,take control of it.

It threw up lots ofissues in my marriage which I'm now dealing with but it can bedone

longbeachone

He doesn't want to lose his drinking buddy (or share his whiskey!). I would guess that as long as you are worse off then him, he's not in that bad of shape. The truth is that you can only be responsible for your own recovery. If he's an alcoholic too, and not ready to stop, asking him to support you by not drinking/keeping liquor in the house isn't going to work. I did sober living for eight weeks. Saved my life and my marriage. Maybe you should try to get away for a bit so you can stop without distractions.

Serenity1972

Hi Dolores,

Does your husband have a drinking problem? Maybe he does and he is just not ready to quit or lose his drinking buddy.

I have to echo what other posters have said, you need to get sober for you and only you.

I can only imagine how hard it is though when it is staring you in the face. I think I would have a difficult time myself, so I understand your struggles.

When I decided to quit I spoke with my husband and told him that I have had enough and I couldn't go on living as a weekend drunk. I told him there would be no more booze in the house and that if he felt like drinking he could do that outside of the house. I am just glad he doesn't have a drinking problem and basically quit when I did. He is a much happier person now that I am coherent enough to actually get things accomplished on my days off instead of being drunk the entire weekend.

I hope you get your situation sorted and get back to your sobriety. We are all here to support you.

Best Wishes

LadyinBC

I personally don't think that you are wasting anyones time. Better to come here and be active even while you are engaged than not be here at all. Just my opinion.

I am not married or have a partner so I didn't have to deal with this when I quit drinking. However, I can't imagine trying to quit and dealing with a partner who does. I'm not sure if I would have been able to do it. So my hat is off to anyone who is trying to do this while in a relationship.

Sorry, my post is probably not very helpful!

DoloresHaze

All the replies have been helpful, thanks.

I guess it's the classic co-dependent relationship. As long as I'm drinking, it makes it ok for him to drink. he can feel in control by lecturing me about my drinking. and as long as he's drinking, that makes it ok for me too.

I think the whole dynamic of our relationship would change dramatically if we both quit. It would be pretty rocky at first...two cranky sober people. But then i'd hope we could truly enjoy life together.

Anna

Dolores, my suggestion is that you focus on yourself.

Allow your husband to drink or not. Of course, it would be nice if he didn't drink around you, but if he does, you can choose to leave the room or go out, take a bath - something that gets you away from the alcohol.

Show your husband the changes you are making in your life and you will be an example for him.

Dee74

I agree with Anna.

It would be great if our partners would be supportive and stop drinking but thats not the reality for many members here.

It's tough but it's not a dealbreaker.

Alcohol is all around, for all of us, but people still get sober

You need to make this about you and about what you want, DH

D

LoneJakalope

Get a membership to a 24 hour gym, preferably one with a pool. Go for hours when he's drinking. Take long walks or just do something you're passionate about. Gardening or painting or writing if you do it sober. Something you can't or don't do drinking. Best of luck on finding a medium with your OH.
Grant