CherylG

Boy I finally did it. I got away for the weekend with the girls. We went to Chicago for a Blues weekend. Had a great time. The problem is the exa. He was supposed to show up to stay with the kids. Of course when I called to check on them Sunday morning, the SOB did not show up. Last time I saw him was Tuesday at my daughters softball came reeking of alcohol. The kids were fine and the weekend went great,BUT, now I want to call him and ream him a new one. I am losing the serenity. I realize if I call and lose it on the phone with him, he wins with his poor me bit. If I see him at my daughters softball again I am liable to blow up in front of everyone and I can't do that either. AAAAGGGGHHHHH!!!! I think I need to punch a wall. Smoke, hold me back, please!!

HellOn2Heels

Cheryl:

I hope you don't mind me throwing in my two cents, but what is wrong with you calling him and talking to him about the fact that he didn't show up TO TAKE CARE OF HIS OWN CHILDREN? I don't think that's over-stepping your bounds at all. He A) did not follow through on a commitment he made to you and the kids B) his irresponsibility could have put your children's health and safety in danger. There is a time to be silent and a time to speak. Your childrens' welfare is far more important than your ex's feelings.

Am I wrong here?

Heels

CherylG

In his alcoholic haze he wants every excuse in the world to think he is a no good so and so and he uses that as his excuse to feed his head. I refuse to give it to him. Also, my serenity is VERY important to me and I will not let him take that either. I don't need the stinkin s.o.b. I just feel bad for the kids. He will always be their father. Thank God I could divorce him. For his own protection he better just stay away from me for a while now.

smoke gets in my eyes

Well Cheryl,

This is why people count sheep instead of ducks. They cannot be counted on.

He certainly deserves to have a new fecal evacuation pipe to be excavated for him. The problem is, the message is not like to sink in, and then you'll feel irrational for beating your head against a brick wall. Got your dammit doll handy?

Love,
Smoke

CherylG

You must mean the doll with the pinned eyes and pins sticking in the back side. ******!

CherylG

Heels- I want ALL the input I can get, but you have to understand, on the Naranon site someone asks how we get rid of our anger. I come here. You guys all understand what I'm going through and Smoke is SOOOO right, he does not care anyway and all the yelling in the world is like trying to bounce a ball off a jello wall, ain't gonna happen. Just knowiwng you guys care makes me tear up. THANKS FOR BEING HERE!

HellOn2Heels

Cheryl:

I hear what your saying and I admire your strength and self-control. I'm struggling with that in my life right now. I haven't faltered yet, but it's taken everything I have not to fall back into my old behavior and just rip him a new one.

I'm pissed and I'm hurt and I'm disgusted with myself for having hope that things could ever change between Robert and I.

I am grateful though that I have changed. I do not react the way I used to to his bs. Unfortunately, that hasn't been enough to change the end results. I take that as confirmation that I wasn't the only problem in our relationship.

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
(I think I'll start with my phone number)
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Hang Tough Cheryl,

Heels

[This message has been edited by HellOn2Heels (edited April 22, 2002).]

bonbon

If I could only be the Advocate for the whole disappointments with the children issues. I at times wanted to take a baseball bat and #$%#$^$&%^*)^%(&$)%^@$%)^#$%@#$^%^%&@%_)(%Y_(%)(%^ %_(^%^$%^$&$^&^(&^&(^&^the **** out of my A for not paying attention too, or acting like he gives 2 sh**s about her. It is very painful to watch, and it is even more hardening to know all the yelling and or (beating) in the world wont get through to the A. I understand your anger Cheryl. I say get that ****** doll out!!!
Sorry, had to throw in my 2 cents.


Love,
bonbon

mo

Hi Everybody.
I guess one of these days I'll learn not to have any expectations. .or set myself up with thinking the addict has changed.

Sound like you got your hopes up and dashed Cheryl. .We have to ask ourselves why would we think someone who has shown no responsibility . would suddenly show responsibility because they should .hard lessons for us .for me. .I need reminded over and over again . .not to have any expectations of the addict. . .

and why do we think doing the same thing over and over again will bring a different outcome???

It's a crazy world in here. Hugs Maureen

helluvagalnva

I have to throw my 2 cents too. I admire your self control. I haven't learned that self control yet but I'm working on it. My a was supposed to have watched our kids this weekend and out of the blue he called to say I would have to find someone else to watch the kids because he was going to the beach. Never mind that this was his weekend and what about him finding a babysitter or taking them with him. OH NO he couldn't do that what be responsible. What in the hell was I thinking!!!

Anyway, you did the right thing by not calling him because it doesn't do any good anyway but feed their sick little minds that they got to us again that they are still in control.

Gotta go - All of you are the Bomb!!!!

Love,
Galnva

JT

Cheryl..

I look at it like the ultimate practical joke! He isn't sure what to do if you don't say anything...and he can't turn it around and blame you. And you can get some of your anger out just knowing that it is driving him NUTS!

Paula