Does anyone make it?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1
Does anyone make it?
I've been reading through quite a few of the threads on here. Are there no happy endings? Is there no one out there that has successfully maintained a relationship with a recovering addict? Everything I've read is about how to run, get out while you can...
I've been living with my BF for 5 months. He drank and smoked crack on weekends. After 3 months I said enough... get out or get help. He has been in treatment 3-4 times previously. He sobered up, and started meetings. The deal is that he stays clean and sober, and if he ever drinks or uses again he's gone. No questions. I have the support of his parents, aunts, uncles and grandparents. If he touches even a drop of alcohol I call and they are here getting him out of the house. I've been in abusive relationships in the past (mentally not physically), and I refuse to go through it again. I'm finding that there are periods when his recovery is rough on us as a family unit (three kids). Mainly when he isn't going to 1-2 meetings a week, when he's bored with nothing to occupy his mind.
He is currently approaching 60 days, and is getting unruly. easy to anger, quick to judge, jump to conclusions etc. I decided it might be a good idea to find somewhere on line to read and relate to others. That being said if you are here to tell me to kick him out, or run away - then this isn't the forum or site for me to be at. If you have useful and insightful tips on how to navigate around some of these harder times of recovery please share.
I've been living with my BF for 5 months. He drank and smoked crack on weekends. After 3 months I said enough... get out or get help. He has been in treatment 3-4 times previously. He sobered up, and started meetings. The deal is that he stays clean and sober, and if he ever drinks or uses again he's gone. No questions. I have the support of his parents, aunts, uncles and grandparents. If he touches even a drop of alcohol I call and they are here getting him out of the house. I've been in abusive relationships in the past (mentally not physically), and I refuse to go through it again. I'm finding that there are periods when his recovery is rough on us as a family unit (three kids). Mainly when he isn't going to 1-2 meetings a week, when he's bored with nothing to occupy his mind.
He is currently approaching 60 days, and is getting unruly. easy to anger, quick to judge, jump to conclusions etc. I decided it might be a good idea to find somewhere on line to read and relate to others. That being said if you are here to tell me to kick him out, or run away - then this isn't the forum or site for me to be at. If you have useful and insightful tips on how to navigate around some of these harder times of recovery please share.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,062
Hi Aras, welcome to SR!!
It of course is always going to be your decision to stay or go. Always!!
There are success stories here too! Keep reading, they are here!!
Have you ever been to an Al-anon or NA meeting?? They are a great support tool too!
It sounds like you have boundaries in place and a support system too! That is great!!!! Way to go!!!
He is in charge of his own recovery and you are in charge of your own health and boundaries. If it is working, then it is worth seeing it through in my opinion!!
My best to you in this journey and I do know of many who have made it and many who have not. It is individual and personal and takes work as you know.
That's all I got!!! LOL
Hope to keep seeing you here!!!
It of course is always going to be your decision to stay or go. Always!!
There are success stories here too! Keep reading, they are here!!
Have you ever been to an Al-anon or NA meeting?? They are a great support tool too!
It sounds like you have boundaries in place and a support system too! That is great!!!! Way to go!!!
He is in charge of his own recovery and you are in charge of your own health and boundaries. If it is working, then it is worth seeing it through in my opinion!!
My best to you in this journey and I do know of many who have made it and many who have not. It is individual and personal and takes work as you know.
That's all I got!!! LOL
Hope to keep seeing you here!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Welcome Aras......SR is full of people with much collective wisdom. Each of us speak (write) based upon our own experiences.....and some of those experiences have been pretty rough. Take what you need and leave the rest.
Does anyone make it? Yes. I know many people in recovery whose relationships have survived addiction. But I know a lot of people (including myself) whose relationships could not. I divorced my XAH many years ago and am now dealing with my son who is a recovering addict. Addiction is a cunning and baffling disease.
I hope that your bf is able to stay on the path of recovery. It's difficult to recover from addiction.....they need our support on one hand and our intolerance of unacceptable behavior on the other. It's a fine line.......I try to keep in mind how important it is to say what I mean, mean what I say, and not say it mean.
Take care of you.
gentle hugs
ke
Does anyone make it? Yes. I know many people in recovery whose relationships have survived addiction. But I know a lot of people (including myself) whose relationships could not. I divorced my XAH many years ago and am now dealing with my son who is a recovering addict. Addiction is a cunning and baffling disease.
I hope that your bf is able to stay on the path of recovery. It's difficult to recover from addiction.....they need our support on one hand and our intolerance of unacceptable behavior on the other. It's a fine line.......I try to keep in mind how important it is to say what I mean, mean what I say, and not say it mean.
Take care of you.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 250
Hi Aras,
Yes, there are success stories and I hope someone will come along soon to share their story with you.
Have you heard about post acute withdrawal symptoms? (paws) I don't know if this is what is happening, but I would recommend learning about it and educating yourself as much as you can about addiction. Best of luck to you and I hope things work out for you.
Hugs
Yes, there are success stories and I hope someone will come along soon to share their story with you.
Have you heard about post acute withdrawal symptoms? (paws) I don't know if this is what is happening, but I would recommend learning about it and educating yourself as much as you can about addiction. Best of luck to you and I hope things work out for you.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Aras,
Yes, of course there are success stories. I am an addict myself and my husband and I have been happily married for 25 years. I will not lie and tell you that there were never problems in our marriage. With any marrage there are good times as well as bad. Through out those 25 years, there was a total of 2 years when our marriage was a little rocky. But my husband has said that he is happy that he married me and is thankful for the wonderful life we have spent raising our 4 children together.
Many of us addicts are free from active addiction because we have very supportive spouses who understand our disease called addiction. If I did not have such a close relationship with my husband and children I wouldn't have a reason to want to stay clean.
Perhaps there are less success stories on this forum because the addict in their life went into recovery and their life became normalized so they have no longer needed a support forum.
Usually, people visit support forums when they need help in their lives.
There are times when the addict in a persons life simply refuses recovery, in those circumstances there really is no choice but for their spouses to walk away. Sometimes it's nessesary for the health and well-being of the spouse and the children of the addict, right?
Yes, of course there are success stories. I am an addict myself and my husband and I have been happily married for 25 years. I will not lie and tell you that there were never problems in our marriage. With any marrage there are good times as well as bad. Through out those 25 years, there was a total of 2 years when our marriage was a little rocky. But my husband has said that he is happy that he married me and is thankful for the wonderful life we have spent raising our 4 children together.
Many of us addicts are free from active addiction because we have very supportive spouses who understand our disease called addiction. If I did not have such a close relationship with my husband and children I wouldn't have a reason to want to stay clean.
Perhaps there are less success stories on this forum because the addict in their life went into recovery and their life became normalized so they have no longer needed a support forum.
Usually, people visit support forums when they need help in their lives.
There are times when the addict in a persons life simply refuses recovery, in those circumstances there really is no choice but for their spouses to walk away. Sometimes it's nessesary for the health and well-being of the spouse and the children of the addict, right?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 1,618
I am not sure what you mean by success. Many people think that recovery is being clean, but it is so much more than that. Today I am a success story. Tomorrow isn't decided. Sometimes we get so lost in the future that we forget about today.
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