Continuity
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Continuity
I'm experiencing it! It feels like the actions and behaviors I'm engaged in are beginning to build. It feels like I'm starting to create a real life again 
Not just making it through the day, not just surviving.
For a child of an alcoholic, and coming from a dysfunctional family, survival is the name of the game. And I excelled at it. I was smart. And creative. It served me well. But it led to more dysfunctional and maladaptive behaviors as I grew older... and then, addiction. Addiction was the perfect way to hang in the balance... a perpetual sort of hamster in a wheel kind of existence.
It's amazing I didn't stop sooner. It's hard for me to believe I kept going this way until my mid 30's. I tried in earnest at age 27 to stop, that lasted over a year. I wish to God I'd made it stick that first time around. I knew I needed to stop, but didn't know just how quickly it would progress.
I'm happy today. Not just this day, but... every day. I'm generally happy and hopeful, and I'm not even at the five month mark yet. It's amazing... this feeling of continuity. I'm remembering everything. My cognitive faculties are sharp again. I'm thinking creatively again. And my curiosity is back. I'm interested in things again I haven't felt this way in a long time. Truly interested.
I think we disrupt our personalities, and our spirits, when we are lost in addiction. I am uncovering mine again And I'm not the same girl I used to be! It's kind of a strange feeling!
Not just making it through the day, not just surviving. For a child of an alcoholic, and coming from a dysfunctional family, survival is the name of the game. And I excelled at it. I was smart. And creative. It served me well. But it led to more dysfunctional and maladaptive behaviors as I grew older... and then, addiction. Addiction was the perfect way to hang in the balance... a perpetual sort of hamster in a wheel kind of existence.
It's amazing I didn't stop sooner. It's hard for me to believe I kept going this way until my mid 30's. I tried in earnest at age 27 to stop, that lasted over a year. I wish to God I'd made it stick that first time around. I knew I needed to stop, but didn't know just how quickly it would progress.
I'm happy today. Not just this day, but... every day. I'm generally happy and hopeful, and I'm not even at the five month mark yet. It's amazing... this feeling of continuity. I'm remembering everything. My cognitive faculties are sharp again. I'm thinking creatively again. And my curiosity is back. I'm interested in things again
I haven't felt this way in a long time. Truly interested. I think we disrupt our personalities, and our spirits, when we are lost in addiction. I am uncovering mine again
And I'm not the same girl I used to be! It's kind of a strange feeling!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Melbourne Australia.
Posts: 3,748
Originally Posted by SoberJennie 
I'm experiencing it! It feels like the actions and behaviors I'm engaged in are beginning to build. It feels like I'm starting to create a real life again Not just making it through the day, not just surviving.
For a child of an alcoholic, and coming from a dysfunctional family, survival is the name of the game. And I excelled at it. I was smart. And creative. It served me well. But it led to more dysfunctional and maladaptive behaviors as I grew older... and then, addiction. Addiction was the perfect way to hang in the balance... a perpetual sort of hamster in a wheel kind of existence.
It's amazing I didn't stop sooner. It's hard for me to believe I kept going this way until my mid 30's. I tried in earnest at age 27 to stop, that lasted over a year. I wish to God I'd made it stick that first time around. I knew I needed to stop, but didn't know just how quickly it would progress.
I'm happy today. Not just this day, but... every day. I'm generally happy and hopeful, and I'm not even at the five month mark yet. It's amazing... this feeling of continuity. I'm remembering everything. My cognitive faculties are sharp again. I'm thinking creatively again. And my curiosity is back. I'm interested in things again I haven't felt this way in a long time. Truly interested.
I think we disrupt our personalities, and our spirits, when we are lost in addiction. I am uncovering mine again And I'm not the same girl I used to be! It's kind of a strange feeling!
Not just making it through the day, not just surviving. For a child of an alcoholic, and coming from a dysfunctional family, survival is the name of the game. And I excelled at it. I was smart. And creative. It served me well. But it led to more dysfunctional and maladaptive behaviors as I grew older... and then, addiction. Addiction was the perfect way to hang in the balance... a perpetual sort of hamster in a wheel kind of existence.
It's amazing I didn't stop sooner. It's hard for me to believe I kept going this way until my mid 30's. I tried in earnest at age 27 to stop, that lasted over a year. I wish to God I'd made it stick that first time around. I knew I needed to stop, but didn't know just how quickly it would progress.
I'm happy today. Not just this day, but... every day. I'm generally happy and hopeful, and I'm not even at the five month mark yet. It's amazing... this feeling of continuity. I'm remembering everything. My cognitive faculties are sharp again. I'm thinking creatively again. And my curiosity is back. I'm interested in things again
I haven't felt this way in a long time. Truly interested. I think we disrupt our personalities, and our spirits, when we are lost in addiction. I am uncovering mine again
And I'm not the same girl I used to be! It's kind of a strange feeling!Now, even in old age, things are looking brighter.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: The Deep South
Posts: 14,636
Originally Posted by Murchovski
Good for you Jennie; round mid thirties, and some feelings of alcohol based self disillusionment I looked to benzos as a cure...................'some cure'.
Now, even in old age, things are looking brighter.
Now, even in old age, things are looking brighter.
Nope, not any sort of cure at all. Mixed with alcohol, well, very likely could have killed me. Somehow I managed to take them mostly as prescribed (though they should never have been prescribed for me!!). I took them in my 20's and then just cold turkey quit them around age 31. Two weeks of some serious anxiety, tension, and anger. Wow!
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Jennie. It's wonderful that things are coming together. I remember someone talking here about being "centred" in their recovery and taking note of when they were not quite centred. Over time i have discovered a richness to "being" that i have come to cherish.
May the bounties of sobriety continue to spring forth. (LOL)
May the bounties of sobriety continue to spring forth. (LOL)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 480
Originally Posted by SoberJennie
I think we disrupt our personalities, and our spirits, when we are lost in addiction. I am uncovering mine again!
Congratulations on your new life, and a return to the real and ever-changing you! Thanks for sharing your success and hope.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 987
Another lovely post, thank you! And yes, we do indeed disrupt our personalities and our spirits when lost in addiction. No truer words. I am also starting to notice things again and I am curious all over again. I carry a camera with me now everywhere I go. I am sort of an amateur photographer but now that I am noticing things again, I want to take pictures of everything! I stopped the car today to take a picture of a perfect white, fluffy cloud hanging over someone's spectacular rose garden and the friend whom I was with said, "That garden has been there for years..." I said, "Yeah, but this is really the first time I am seeing it, you know?"
She looked at me like I had two heads but I think most of us here knows what it means to have "new eyes."
Anyway, thanks again for that, it was nice to read and something to think about before bed!
She looked at me like I had two heads but I think most of us here knows what it means to have "new eyes."
Anyway, thanks again for that, it was nice to read and something to think about before bed!
Mini Novel Post Writer
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Maine
Posts: 3,649
Jennie, that is so awesome! What a great post, very inspiring, as you have always been for me
The other day I had a revelation. For many years I would complain and say "I feel like I'm just merely existing, I don't do anything, go anywhere, I'm just going through the motions."
I didn't realize it but I have not said that once since I quit 82 days ago today. In fact, I never knew that life could be this full.
I am so happy to hear that you're doing so well
The other day I had a revelation. For many years I would complain and say "I feel like I'm just merely existing, I don't do anything, go anywhere, I'm just going through the motions."
I didn't realize it but I have not said that once since I quit 82 days ago today. In fact, I never knew that life could be this full.
I am so happy to hear that you're doing so well
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
It makes me joyful to see you, who is working so damn hard at "getting it, and getting it right", to be engulfed by the gifts of life.
You deserve happiness, joy, bliss, abundance, and immeasurable love and peace.
You are a true example of showing the world what it means to live a purpose driven life.
Blessings.
You deserve happiness, joy, bliss, abundance, and immeasurable love and peace.
You are a true example of showing the world what it means to live a purpose driven life.
Blessings.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
Jennie,
Thanks for sharing. One of the greatest gifts of sobriety was to discover that it was so much more than not drinking, it was unshackling myself from addiction and self-perpetuating negative attitudes. The surest way to limit ones potential is to simply stop trying.
“Promise Yourself
To be so strong that nothing
can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity
to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel
that there is something in them
To look at the sunny side of everything
and make your optimism come true.
To think only the best, to work only for the best,
and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others
as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past
and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times
and give every living creature you meet a smile.
To give so much time to the improvement of yourself
that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
not in loud words but great deeds.
To live in faith that the whole world is on your side
so long as you are true to the best that is in you.”
― Christian D. Larson
Thanks for sharing. One of the greatest gifts of sobriety was to discover that it was so much more than not drinking, it was unshackling myself from addiction and self-perpetuating negative attitudes. The surest way to limit ones potential is to simply stop trying.
“Promise Yourself
To be so strong that nothing
can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity
to every person you meet.
To make all your friends feel
that there is something in them
To look at the sunny side of everything
and make your optimism come true.
To think only the best, to work only for the best,
and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others
as you are about your own.
To forget the mistakes of the past
and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times
and give every living creature you meet a smile.
To give so much time to the improvement of yourself
that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
not in loud words but great deeds.
To live in faith that the whole world is on your side
so long as you are true to the best that is in you.”
― Christian D. Larson
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Somewhere in Wisconsin
Posts: 661
I feel the same way Jenni! And I only have a little over 3 weeks of sobriety. Everywhere I go, people who haven't seen me in a month are telling me how good I look--how clear my face is, how clear my eyes are..how healthy and happy I look. I feel like I am one of the lucky ones here on this forum. I have NEVER had an urge or craving to drink since I quit drinking and I am sooo darn happy and enjoying the sober life.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Great post Jennie and congrats on 5 months
It really does get better. I'm at 8 months now and my life feels right, not just surviving each day without a drink too. The shift for me occured at about 5/6 months-subtle but it was there.
Keep on with your new life, and healthy eating of course
It really does get better. I'm at 8 months now and my life feels right, not just surviving each day without a drink too. The shift for me occured at about 5/6 months-subtle but it was there.
Keep on with your new life, and healthy eating of course
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