Sad, Resentful about Friends Currently
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
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Sad, Resentful about Friends Currently
Hi there,
I usually post on my July class thread, and I find it a great, supportive resource.
However, I would appreciate some feedback, if possible, from the greater membership at the moment, to help me better deal with a situation that would have led me to drinking before.
I'm single (widowed), no kids, live alone. I have not drunk in just over 6 weeks.
I have three girl-friends. I've told only one about my concern about my drinking, and that I'm not drinking now. I've not told her about seeing an addiction service, nor about using this site. She is common-law with an emotionally and verbally abusive alcoholic, and essentially, she drinks too much to cope, I suppose you'd say it is a toxic, co-dependent relationship.
In brief, she's exhausting me lately regarding her relationship issues. I've tried to be supportive, but it's the only topic of conversation when we get together over the last while. I'm finding it very stressful and draining.
Today, we met at the Farmers' Market and she just went on and on about her partner, same old thing, nothing's changed, nor will, imo.
I tried after a while to gently tell her, that I'm sad for her ( and I am, she's a wonderfully talented artist who is totally stifled in her relationship), but that hearing the same thing again made me sad, and it was making me feel " a bit stressed". She said, "yes, ok" and then I felt like a heel, she's in terrible emotional distress, but what can I do?
The resentment comes in when I remember how easily she dismissed me a couple of years ago when I had a serious depressive episode (have had major depressive disorder) since my late teens.
I was essentially immobilized/paralyzed by a severe depression, and she'd phone and say, "just get up, do this/that". I couldn't, I was ill, and she then told me "listen, I just can't handle this, I have to back away from you for a while". And she did, for quite some months. We slowly came back together, because I accepted that she did not truly understand the signs/symptoms of MDD.
I've been doing well, had a fabulous w/end at a Murdoch Mysteries (TV show) fan event last week-end, just began a volunteer position yesterday, and not this friend, nor another girl-friend, nor my sister, to whom I sent pics of the fan event showed any interest in my news.
I just feel unheard, I'm lonely, I don't know the best way to process these feelings. Before, I'd try and drink them away.( Currently, giving myself tea and sympathy, haha!)
I'm a good person, a loyal friend, but when will my friends/sister consider me, be interested in what I'm up to, especially as now, when I'm doing well, was feeling so buoyant after last weekend. I want to share that, have my friends be happy for me, my other friend responded to my pics/email with her concerns about her stress at work, not a word about my week-end.
I know, of course, we all have stressors in our lives.
This is getting too long, thanks to anyone who has read it.
I'll manage, but I do think I need to learn to speak up for myself in an assertive way.
Thanks.
I usually post on my July class thread, and I find it a great, supportive resource.
However, I would appreciate some feedback, if possible, from the greater membership at the moment, to help me better deal with a situation that would have led me to drinking before.
I'm single (widowed), no kids, live alone. I have not drunk in just over 6 weeks.
I have three girl-friends. I've told only one about my concern about my drinking, and that I'm not drinking now. I've not told her about seeing an addiction service, nor about using this site. She is common-law with an emotionally and verbally abusive alcoholic, and essentially, she drinks too much to cope, I suppose you'd say it is a toxic, co-dependent relationship.
In brief, she's exhausting me lately regarding her relationship issues. I've tried to be supportive, but it's the only topic of conversation when we get together over the last while. I'm finding it very stressful and draining.
Today, we met at the Farmers' Market and she just went on and on about her partner, same old thing, nothing's changed, nor will, imo.
I tried after a while to gently tell her, that I'm sad for her ( and I am, she's a wonderfully talented artist who is totally stifled in her relationship), but that hearing the same thing again made me sad, and it was making me feel " a bit stressed". She said, "yes, ok" and then I felt like a heel, she's in terrible emotional distress, but what can I do?
The resentment comes in when I remember how easily she dismissed me a couple of years ago when I had a serious depressive episode (have had major depressive disorder) since my late teens.
I was essentially immobilized/paralyzed by a severe depression, and she'd phone and say, "just get up, do this/that". I couldn't, I was ill, and she then told me "listen, I just can't handle this, I have to back away from you for a while". And she did, for quite some months. We slowly came back together, because I accepted that she did not truly understand the signs/symptoms of MDD.
I've been doing well, had a fabulous w/end at a Murdoch Mysteries (TV show) fan event last week-end, just began a volunteer position yesterday, and not this friend, nor another girl-friend, nor my sister, to whom I sent pics of the fan event showed any interest in my news.
I just feel unheard, I'm lonely, I don't know the best way to process these feelings. Before, I'd try and drink them away.( Currently, giving myself tea and sympathy, haha!)
I'm a good person, a loyal friend, but when will my friends/sister consider me, be interested in what I'm up to, especially as now, when I'm doing well, was feeling so buoyant after last weekend. I want to share that, have my friends be happy for me, my other friend responded to my pics/email with her concerns about her stress at work, not a word about my week-end.
I know, of course, we all have stressors in our lives.
This is getting too long, thanks to anyone who has read it.
I'll manage, but I do think I need to learn to speak up for myself in an assertive way.
Thanks.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 762
Hi Leshar,
Do you mean when we always try to listen to others and help them, yet feel that we are invisible when we are in need?
I am sure there is a word for this :>) at least there should be but I can't think of it right now. I do know that I have felt this before. But I think it is probably my doing as I try to be so caring and attentive that others forget that I also need attention...if that makes sense. I think they think that I am SuperGal!
My signature says it all really - I wrote it from life experience and it helps me get by.
Take care xxx
Do you mean when we always try to listen to others and help them, yet feel that we are invisible when we are in need?
I am sure there is a word for this :>) at least there should be but I can't think of it right now. I do know that I have felt this before. But I think it is probably my doing as I try to be so caring and attentive that others forget that I also need attention...if that makes sense. I think they think that I am SuperGal!
My signature says it all really - I wrote it from life experience and it helps me get by.
Take care xxx
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: In my head...tis dark in here!
Posts: 213
Hi Leshar ...I can empathise with your post ....the feeling of being taken for granted and invisible in the eyes of the very people who should care. I actually confronted a friend recently about her behaviour, she's become very selfish and wrapped up in herself. I dont think I will be hearing from her again, but I had to say something as it was eating away at me, it was all becoming too one sided...take take take. Maybe you should tell them the way you feel...sometimes people don't realise the way they're behaving until its pointed out to them...and the more you let it carry on, the more it will. Lay down and people will inevitably walk on you I guess. It wouldn't hurt to point out the resentment you're feeling either...get it out there, at least it'll be off your chest and give them something to reflect on.
Well done on your 6 weeks, that's fantastic!
Well done on your 6 weeks, that's fantastic!
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,179
Hi Leshar,
Hope you can find new friends by way of your new position. Not pushing anything here...but, I only embraced AA for this past 10 weeks, and have met and now socialized with a few that I can envision real friendships growing.
My best to you.
Hope you can find new friends by way of your new position. Not pushing anything here...but, I only embraced AA for this past 10 weeks, and have met and now socialized with a few that I can envision real friendships growing.
My best to you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
Hi leshar, I think it is key for you to try to separate the current situation from the past when she disappointed you in your depression. Regardless of what happened then, it sounds like this relationship has been draining you for too long. Have you tried saying anything along the lines of "I feel like we continue to cover the same ground here, and I don't feel like I can meet your needs, have you talked to a therapist.?" That is totally your right to say. I've been there, I had to let a friend go a while back because she was so draining every time we got together.
It sounds like you could use a few new friends that have common interests! Have you met any at the fan events? Sounds like a great place to meet others that you can share excitement with!
It sounds like you could use a few new friends that have common interests! Have you met any at the fan events? Sounds like a great place to meet others that you can share excitement with!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 472
Leshar, first of all congratulations on being sober. Like you I am also very lonely at times. My husband travels a lot with his work and I am new to where I live and I have no friends here. The friends that I have remained in contact with over the years live some distance from me and don't know about my struggles with alcohol - or other issues in my life and are very caught up in their own lives anyway. I realise that part of the reason that I turned to alcohol every day was to alleviate the feelings of boredom and loneliness. I also feel resentful towards my family for a number of reasons.
My only advise to you is to focus on YOU. Work on yourself. Go out and meet new friends. Surround yourself with positive people and do positive activities as much as possible. Slowly but surely you will become less dependent and needy of the people who are dragging you down and making you feel so unhappy.
It is not easy for me. I am middle aged and know nobody where I live, I've also been suffering with a very bad back so I've been limited as to what I can do, but I'm getting better and I have a plan. My plan is to be as fit and healthy as I can be and hopefully meet some new people in the process. I intend joining a number of walking clubs locally and a book club and maybe Yoga when I get stronger. My intention is to go somewhere 5 days a week (as if I was going to work) no matter how uncomfortable or shy I may feel. I also intend doing some voluntary work.
I have come to the conclusion that we can't change others....we can only change ourselves. You deserve a better deal in life so go out and grab it! Good luck.
My only advise to you is to focus on YOU. Work on yourself. Go out and meet new friends. Surround yourself with positive people and do positive activities as much as possible. Slowly but surely you will become less dependent and needy of the people who are dragging you down and making you feel so unhappy.
It is not easy for me. I am middle aged and know nobody where I live, I've also been suffering with a very bad back so I've been limited as to what I can do, but I'm getting better and I have a plan. My plan is to be as fit and healthy as I can be and hopefully meet some new people in the process. I intend joining a number of walking clubs locally and a book club and maybe Yoga when I get stronger. My intention is to go somewhere 5 days a week (as if I was going to work) no matter how uncomfortable or shy I may feel. I also intend doing some voluntary work.
I have come to the conclusion that we can't change others....we can only change ourselves. You deserve a better deal in life so go out and grab it! Good luck.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,993
Many thanks for the responses!
Valll,
Yes, this is what I mean, certainly today that feeling was quite strong.
I guess I don't approach friendships expecting that my "needs" are always going to be met, wrt your signature. But, it's just too much with the friend I spoke of, I'm drained...
And Keen2bclean, Kittycat,
Yes, in fact today, I did bring up the possibility of my friend seeing a therapist. She didn't seem to pay much attention.
I'm doing my best to "get out there". I've joined a hiking group, and I like going to yoga classes regularly.
I told my friend today, that I wanted to talk about positive things, that it is good for us, but she's stuck...
She wants me to go with her to Montreal (I've never been) to see Bonnie Raitt, and I'd love to see the city, but I'm not sure, I think I will have to be quite frank with her, both about her leaning on me too much, and about her "need" for me to drink. She doesn't like that I'm not drinking.
Dragon
I'm middle-aged too, and it's not easy to make friends at my age in a small community where everyone is pretty much established with friends/family. The couple friends I had with my husband essentially dropped me bit by bit after his death; I get it, it happens, too much of an imbalance now.
Good luck with your activities plan, yoga is great!
You are right, one can only work on improving oneself. Actually, yoga is very helpful to me, it incorporates the movement, along with the mindfulness of one's healing spirit, at least, that's how I see it. Perhaps I should do some yoga practice when this issue with my friend bothers me, instead of moaning here!!
Thank you, everyone!
Valll,
Do you mean when we always try to listen to others and help them, yet feel that we are invisible when we are in need?
I guess I don't approach friendships expecting that my "needs" are always going to be met, wrt your signature. But, it's just too much with the friend I spoke of, I'm drained...
And Keen2bclean, Kittycat,
Yes, in fact today, I did bring up the possibility of my friend seeing a therapist. She didn't seem to pay much attention.
I'm doing my best to "get out there". I've joined a hiking group, and I like going to yoga classes regularly.
I told my friend today, that I wanted to talk about positive things, that it is good for us, but she's stuck...
She wants me to go with her to Montreal (I've never been) to see Bonnie Raitt, and I'd love to see the city, but I'm not sure, I think I will have to be quite frank with her, both about her leaning on me too much, and about her "need" for me to drink. She doesn't like that I'm not drinking.
Dragon
I'm middle-aged too, and it's not easy to make friends at my age in a small community where everyone is pretty much established with friends/family. The couple friends I had with my husband essentially dropped me bit by bit after his death; I get it, it happens, too much of an imbalance now.
Good luck with your activities plan, yoga is great!
You are right, one can only work on improving oneself. Actually, yoga is very helpful to me, it incorporates the movement, along with the mindfulness of one's healing spirit, at least, that's how I see it. Perhaps I should do some yoga practice when this issue with my friend bothers me, instead of moaning here!!
Thank you, everyone!
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
Hi Leshar
I found when I quit drinking, my life changed, and I did too.
Some of my friends tho did not.
Although it was sad to let go, or watch them move away, it was the right thing to do...I had faith that there was a new life and new friends for me.
I'm not one who finds making friends very easy either...but the thing is, with the right people, with people who like you for who are, and who understand real relationships are two way, it will be easy
I wish you good things ahead
D
I found when I quit drinking, my life changed, and I did too.
Some of my friends tho did not.
Although it was sad to let go, or watch them move away, it was the right thing to do...I had faith that there was a new life and new friends for me.
I'm not one who finds making friends very easy either...but the thing is, with the right people, with people who like you for who are, and who understand real relationships are two way, it will be easy
I wish you good things ahead
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 472
"Perhaps I should do some yoga practice when this issue with my friend bothers me, instead of moaning here!!"
Lesher, this is a great place to "moan" and get some feedback on issues that are bothering you. We are all going through challenging times and its good to be able to ventilate. The great thing about SR is that we can remain anonymous and receive advise from people who have had similar experiences. Good luck.
Lesher, this is a great place to "moan" and get some feedback on issues that are bothering you. We are all going through challenging times and its good to be able to ventilate. The great thing about SR is that we can remain anonymous and receive advise from people who have had similar experiences. Good luck.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
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Leshar, I empathize with your situation. I have had similar experiences in my life, and before I began to recover, I worked really hard on being a good friend. I rarely felt that my needs were met, though. In recovery, I made a lot of life changes, and removed a few people from my life. It was the act of removing some old 'friends' that enabled me to open up to new friends coming into my life, quite unexpectedly. These were true friends and mentors. I don't think you should keep someone in your life who dismissed your needs, nor someone who is draining you emotionally with her problems.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 762
I like most of us Leshar have been very let down in the past by being unsupported after giving sometimes my all to help someone out. Over time I realized that it was not their fault that they could not reciprocate as they were often totally unaware of how much I had sacrificed to help them. None of us want to blow our own trumpet ;>) We are all so different and expect different things.
Now I only ever give when I feel I can. That way I will not be disappointed. Sometimes in the past people have been wary of me because I do give generously, my time, my patience! and sometimes help close ones out with money etc unconditionally. I forget how much money I have "donated" as it is not an: "I gave you that... so you owe me back that..." world that I want to live in. I probably make no sense what!soever ;>) but I do not consider myself a walkover. In the same vein when people are a$$holes on the roads I will not give in...I still try hard to be curteous and polite and smile back at those agressive drivers and vow never to become so angry.
We are all so different. It is very hard to find people who understand us, and who we can rely on without ever feeling guilty about taking, without weighing it on a balance to see who owes who what ;>) Hope I make a bit of sense to someonexxx Take care all.
Now I only ever give when I feel I can. That way I will not be disappointed. Sometimes in the past people have been wary of me because I do give generously, my time, my patience! and sometimes help close ones out with money etc unconditionally. I forget how much money I have "donated" as it is not an: "I gave you that... so you owe me back that..." world that I want to live in. I probably make no sense what!soever ;>) but I do not consider myself a walkover. In the same vein when people are a$$holes on the roads I will not give in...I still try hard to be curteous and polite and smile back at those agressive drivers and vow never to become so angry.
We are all so different. It is very hard to find people who understand us, and who we can rely on without ever feeling guilty about taking, without weighing it on a balance to see who owes who what ;>) Hope I make a bit of sense to someonexxx Take care all.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
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I have been there too. I think women's friendships can be very complicated and as we grow and mature our needs and dynamics change,particularly if one party takes the huge step into sobriety.
Many women would have no hesitation in ending a relationship with a man if the relationship was no longer good for their mental/emotional/spiritual wellbeing. However, it seems almost an impossibility or a taboo subject to end a friendship over the same thing. It needn't be. Maybe you've just outgrown each other,or at least from your side. We can't change other people but we can put our needs first, when we need to for our own wellbeing. Maybe this is one of those situations. Sometimes you have to just end the friendship. It doesn't sound like you're getting anything out of it-she will continue to treat you like this and use you if you allow her to. there is nothing wrong with walking away.
Many women would have no hesitation in ending a relationship with a man if the relationship was no longer good for their mental/emotional/spiritual wellbeing. However, it seems almost an impossibility or a taboo subject to end a friendship over the same thing. It needn't be. Maybe you've just outgrown each other,or at least from your side. We can't change other people but we can put our needs first, when we need to for our own wellbeing. Maybe this is one of those situations. Sometimes you have to just end the friendship. It doesn't sound like you're getting anything out of it-she will continue to treat you like this and use you if you allow her to. there is nothing wrong with walking away.
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Join Date: Dec 2006
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Many years ago I was complaining to a friend who I am still blessed to have in my life. She is a sista : ) I was complaining about the same ole same ole about my relationship and unhappiness with my life and where I was living and she said "okay, sell your house, leave your man and get on with it. You've been complaining about this sh*t for months ..what are you going to do?".
I'm not going to say that approach works for everyone but it sure did for me. I did not sell my house or leave my then man right away. But ya know what I did do? I shut up about it to her : ) Just a thought...
I'm not going to say that approach works for everyone but it sure did for me. I did not sell my house or leave my then man right away. But ya know what I did do? I shut up about it to her : ) Just a thought...
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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Thanks for the further responses, and sorry for the delay in acknowledging them.
Valll,
"I like most of us Leshar have been very let down in the past by being unsupported after giving sometimes my all to help someone out. Over time I realized that it was not their fault that they could not reciprocate as they were often totally unaware of how much I had sacrificed to help them. None of us want to blow our own trumpet ;>) We are all so different and expect different things"
I think I have come to realize this, wrt the friend I spoke of. She is so mired in her present troubles that I believe she really has no idea how much she is draining me, and thus my resentment has ebbed away. I agree, friendships should not be about checks and balances, but I have to look after myself, and I think the dynamics of this particular friendship will change in light of my embracing sobriety, and better taking care of myself.
ButAnna, and ReadyatLast,
I love my friend, I met her only 4 years ago, and she's wonderfully funny and warm, I can't imagine losing her. I think I just have to set some boundaries. I know she doesn't like me not drinking, she's going to be disappointed that I'm not going to be drinking on our trip, but she will have to accept that this is who I am now. The relationship may well change in light of this, and I am prepared to let it go, if she cannot accept that I have embraced change in my life. Our trip may well lead to a break in our friendship, and I am fully prepared for this.
I was going to give her a heads up, tell her, "look, you know I'm not going to be drinking on our trip, so if that upsets you, perhaps we shouldn't go" and then I thought, jeez, the very idea of putting that into the equation for her decision about whether to go or not, it's ridiculous! She sent me an email today about how it will be a blast to be in Montreal on a Friday night = drinking ++. Well, she can if she wants, I ain't gonna!
Nuudawn,
Thanks, I'm almost at that point! Truthfully, I don't like the idea of losing a friend, I have so few, but as I continue to gain confidence in myself, in my ability to be self-sufficient, I realize that, whilst I'm a good friend, a good listener, I'm not going to let myself be trodden upon, to the detriment of my own mental/emotional health.
Thanks everyone for your most valuable opinions!
Valll,
"I like most of us Leshar have been very let down in the past by being unsupported after giving sometimes my all to help someone out. Over time I realized that it was not their fault that they could not reciprocate as they were often totally unaware of how much I had sacrificed to help them. None of us want to blow our own trumpet ;>) We are all so different and expect different things"
I think I have come to realize this, wrt the friend I spoke of. She is so mired in her present troubles that I believe she really has no idea how much she is draining me, and thus my resentment has ebbed away. I agree, friendships should not be about checks and balances, but I have to look after myself, and I think the dynamics of this particular friendship will change in light of my embracing sobriety, and better taking care of myself.
ButAnna, and ReadyatLast,
I love my friend, I met her only 4 years ago, and she's wonderfully funny and warm, I can't imagine losing her. I think I just have to set some boundaries. I know she doesn't like me not drinking, she's going to be disappointed that I'm not going to be drinking on our trip, but she will have to accept that this is who I am now. The relationship may well change in light of this, and I am prepared to let it go, if she cannot accept that I have embraced change in my life. Our trip may well lead to a break in our friendship, and I am fully prepared for this.
I was going to give her a heads up, tell her, "look, you know I'm not going to be drinking on our trip, so if that upsets you, perhaps we shouldn't go" and then I thought, jeez, the very idea of putting that into the equation for her decision about whether to go or not, it's ridiculous! She sent me an email today about how it will be a blast to be in Montreal on a Friday night = drinking ++. Well, she can if she wants, I ain't gonna!
Nuudawn,
Thanks, I'm almost at that point! Truthfully, I don't like the idea of losing a friend, I have so few, but as I continue to gain confidence in myself, in my ability to be self-sufficient, I realize that, whilst I'm a good friend, a good listener, I'm not going to let myself be trodden upon, to the detriment of my own mental/emotional health.
Thanks everyone for your most valuable opinions!
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,580
Originally Posted by Leshar 
Nuudawn,
Thanks, I'm almost at that point! Truthfully, I don't like the idea of losing a friend, I have so few, but as I continue to gain confidence in myself, in my ability to be self-sufficient, I realize that, whilst I'm a good friend, a good listener, I'm not going to let myself be trodden upon, to the detriment of my own mental/emotional health.
Thanks everyone for your most valuable opinions!
Thanks, I'm almost at that point! Truthfully, I don't like the idea of losing a friend, I have so few, but as I continue to gain confidence in myself, in my ability to be self-sufficient, I realize that, whilst I'm a good friend, a good listener, I'm not going to let myself be trodden upon, to the detriment of my own mental/emotional health.
Thanks everyone for your most valuable opinions!
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
You maydisagree but I think it would be good for you to tell your friend before you go that you have not intention of drinking. My concern is that if she thinks you're going to be drinking together and you say you aren't drinking when you are in a bar,she may try to persuade you, harrass you even into drinking. You may find the temptation too great and just give in. If she thinks the trip is going to be bar hopping on Friday night and that isn't your intention then maybe it's best to clear that up before you go? Do you want to go bar hopping on Friday night?
I speak from a place of concern and understanding as relapsed twice last year at 6 weeks-both times indrinking environments with drinkers.
I speak from a place of concern and understanding as relapsed twice last year at 6 weeks-both times indrinking environments with drinkers.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,993
Nuudawn,
I meant more about the fact that she likes to drink/party, and now that I'm not drinking, she may not be able to handle that, and will distance herself from me, and hang out with her drinking girl-friends, who are just that, not confidantes. And that's ok with me.
Readyatlast,
Yes, you do have a strong point. The thing is, she's already tried to get me to drink, and is upset that I'm not drinking. She called me in despair a couple of weeks ago about her man, and we met at a cafe/bar, she'd already had 2 beers at home, and had another two at the bar. I had juice, and she said "I wish you were drinking". On the phone recently, she said "why don't you just drink beer (she knows I don't like beer, wine was my thing), that way you can get the buzz without having to drink too much"!!
I never was a bar-hopper, hate the idea really, and she and I have no history of this together, but yes, perhaps I do need to make it clear to her that I don't want to spend an evening in this way. I just don't like the idea that her desire to take a trip with me might rest on whether or not I'm drinking, but I see where you're coming from.
She drinks too much so she can tolerate the disordered relationship with her alcoholic partner, but that's her issue.
Thanks for the further feedback.
I meant more about the fact that she likes to drink/party, and now that I'm not drinking, she may not be able to handle that, and will distance herself from me, and hang out with her drinking girl-friends, who are just that, not confidantes. And that's ok with me.
Readyatlast,
Yes, you do have a strong point. The thing is, she's already tried to get me to drink, and is upset that I'm not drinking. She called me in despair a couple of weeks ago about her man, and we met at a cafe/bar, she'd already had 2 beers at home, and had another two at the bar. I had juice, and she said "I wish you were drinking". On the phone recently, she said "why don't you just drink beer (she knows I don't like beer, wine was my thing), that way you can get the buzz without having to drink too much"!!
I never was a bar-hopper, hate the idea really, and she and I have no history of this together, but yes, perhaps I do need to make it clear to her that I don't want to spend an evening in this way. I just don't like the idea that her desire to take a trip with me might rest on whether or not I'm drinking, but I see where you're coming from.
She drinks too much so she can tolerate the disordered relationship with her alcoholic partner, but that's her issue.
Thanks for the further feedback.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 7,097
Originally Posted by Leshar
I just don't like the idea that her desire to take a trip with me might rest on whether or not I'm drinking,
If she doesn't respect your wishes then she isn't a true friend. better few friends than bad ones imo
Please don't put yourself in the way of temptation. Meeting in a local cafe is one thing- you can easily walk away. Going on a drinking weekend with a drinking buddy is entirely another.
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