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Relapse after 39 days sober leave me depressed...

Old 08-16-2013, 09:05 PM
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Relapse after 39 days sober leave me depressed...

I fell into a dark place after relapsing on my 39th day.
I've worked SO hard with mediation, yoga, reading, exercise, etc..
It was too much pressure at a dinner (I'm in the wine business, obviously looking to change careers but one thing at a time) when the owners opened bottles they wanted the sales staff to try.

I asked the waitress for something to spit into and got a few looks from my superiors. I decided if the spit bucket didn't come in time, I'd take a tiny sip.

I watched everyone else enjoying wine and cocktails and quite frankly I felt left out. I had a few sips which quickly turned into a decision for a cocktail, after all i had already relapsed, right? That's the sick addicted mind for ya!

I ended up going to another bar by myself and I felt sooo lonely there. I was all dressed up and feeling buzzed for the first time in a long time. The bartender who was from NZ was sweet and paying attention to me. I wanted to 'pretend' I could drink normal but alas, I ended up taking a cab to a hotel, where there were no vacancies. I got kicked out by the cops for loitering as I was trying to find another hotel with a room. I was not making a scene or anything at all, the manager was just not tolerating me sitting in the lobby as a 'non-guest'. I was trying to do the right thing and not drive. The cops were kind to me, but I got emotional and broke down crying. I knew I had ruined my days of sobriety and happiness and that I'd be suffering for days to come. That is what happened. I suffered tremendously and even made some late night phone calls to the wrong people. I hated myself. But now, as the alcohol is out of my system and yesterday is the farthest place, I just feel lucky I had the wherewithal to even look for a hotel in the first place.

That's the only part I'm proud of. Now, I start the clock again and hope to make a better choice under peer pressure in the future.

Thanks for reading and please share some of your stories of relapsing in early sobriety?

Thank you!!

Shayx
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Old 08-16-2013, 09:10 PM
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Hi Shay, I really feel for you and well done finding a hotel!
No-one learns to drive without stalling the engine a time or two and I think withdrawals are enough of a punishment, without beating yourself up anymore
Hope you're feeling a little better and well done for posting!! x
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Old 08-16-2013, 09:19 PM
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Originally Posted by ZoeM View Post
Hi Shay, I really feel for you and well done finding a hotel!
No-one learns to drive without stalling the engine a time or two and I think withdrawals are enough of a punishment, without beating yourself up anymore
Hope you're feeling a little better and well done for posting!! x
Thank you Zoe,
That's why these forums work because there are people out there who understand and can offer kind and encouraging words. It's extremely difficult staying sober in the wine biz. I'm finishing school by January so my occupation change will come soon - perhaps not soon enough but I'm picking myself back up and living forward !congrats on your sober days too!!!
Shay
X
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Old 08-16-2013, 09:23 PM
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I can imagine it must be difficult - but just think, if you're coping most of the time, while you're working in that industry, then the Sky's the limit, when you leave it. You're stronger than you think
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Old 08-16-2013, 09:45 PM
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Hi Shae

try and not think of it as losing your sober time - you still have all those lessons and experiences - you never lose them - unless you choose to throw them away.

The desire to fit in and be normal is a pretty stong on - that kept me driunk for many years...noone wants to be an alcoholic.

In the end tho, I had to face facts - I was what I was - and my lifestyle choices really needed to reflect that....

if I wanted change, I really needed to make changes.

D
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Old 08-16-2013, 11:56 PM
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Hi shay, you did so well getting 39 days under your belt, I only managed four and flunked it yesterday. Am so disappointed with myself as was just starting to feel better, so can understand how annoyed with yourself you must be after coming so far. I wish we could bottle these feelings and open them in times of temptation. Anyway here's to a new start...good luck
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Old 08-17-2013, 01:24 AM
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Shay the important thing is you've picked yourself up off the ground and gotten right back on the wagon. You can learn from this. I've fallen off the wagon quite a few times but have learned something each time. Ironically, today is day 39 for me too. Stay strong.
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Old 06-12-2019, 05:02 AM
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Originally Posted by Oldselfagain View Post
Shay the important thing is you've picked yourself up off the ground and gotten right back on the wagon. You can learn from this. I've fallen off the wagon quite a few times but have learned something each time. Ironically, today is day 39 for me too. Stay strong.
39 for me.one day at a time
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Old 06-14-2019, 06:54 AM
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Originally Posted by shay17 View Post

Thanks for reading and please share some of your stories of relapsing in early sobriety?
Thanks, that was an interesting and saddening read. I have no relapse stories, because once I quit, I never relapsed. I guess before then, I just relapsed nightly on a regular basis.

But here's a story that somewhat mirrors yours, but from a male perspective. It may or may not be sad. Mostly for me, it's just embarrassing. I was out of town and decided to go to a bar. That's hardly a big surprise. But I found this presentable establishment, went in, and sat down at the bar to begin drinking. I was stone cold sober when I went in. The woman tending the bar was attractive, and willing to talk. She seemed like she may have been interested in me too. We talked about happy things like normal people getting to know each other. I felt like I was doing well.

I don't know how many drinks I had. I didn't think it was that many, but eventually, I felt it was time to leave. I had conducted myself fairly well I thought, so I said good night, and got off the bar stool, took a few steps, and then stumbled. I didn't fall down, just did an obviously too drunk not to stumble things, and the bar maid give out a spontaneous laugh. But it was not one of those, "You're so cute laughs," but one of those, "You sure don't hold your liquor very well," laughs, leaving me with the impression that I wasn't as cool as I had hoped. I never turned around to look at her. I just made it to the door and got out of there, and never went back to see her again.
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Old 06-14-2019, 07:41 AM
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Don’t worry about it Shay. The main thing is that you picked yourself back up.

I was nearly 30 days sober and I relapsed at a hen party. Like you I had put a lot of effort into my sobriety ( AA meeting every night , had a sponsor etc). I knew I was entering a dangerous situation but it was my best friend’s hen party and I had organised this event for over a year. I had no intention of not being a part of it and I didn’t intend to drink but I got lost in the excitement of it all..seeing the girls looking happy, drinking cocktails...ugh. It was too overwhelming. So I drank to be a part of the gang . Anyway three days later of heavy drinking I managed to stop . I then had another 9 days of sobriety and then drank again at her wedding. My goal is total abstinence but I refuse to beat myself up. It’s all a learning and it’s a long term change of self that isn’t going to occur over night for me . Every one has their own paths .

I have stopped drinking again . Day 4 . Onwards and upwards 😊
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Old 06-14-2019, 07:42 AM
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Don’t worry about it Shay. The main thing is that you picked yourself back up.

I was nearly 30 days sober and I relapsed at a hen party. Like you I had put a lot of effort into my sobriety ( AA meeting every night , had a sponsor etc). I knew I was entering a dangerous situation but it was my best friend’s hen party and I had organised this event for over a year. I had no intention of not being a part of it and I didn’t intend to drink but I got lost in the excitement of it all..seeing the girls looking happy, drinking cocktails...ugh. It was too overwhelming. So I drank to be a part of the gang . Anyway three days later of heavy drinking I managed to stop . I then had another 9 days of sobriety and then drank again at her wedding. My goal is total abstinence but I refuse to beat myself up. It’s all a learning and it’s a long term change of self that isn’t going to occur over night for me . Every one has their own paths .

I have stopped drinking again . Day 4 . Onwards and upwards 😊
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