I Need OUT!! Why am I so Anxious?

Old 08-15-2013, 05:34 PM
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I Need OUT!! Why am I so Anxious?

My stomach is in knots today, as it was yesterday, and last week. I’m the crazy chicken in the experiment (see http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-chick-en.html for info). My binging husband drinks when I work. I work four days a week and off three. He’s drinking today. He drank yesterday. I know this to be reality. I can’t change this. I’m miserable. Yet I’m still here. I keep thinking, “okay let me enjoy these last three days off of comfort before I leave.” It’s crazy- I know. Like I'll be less comfortable away from him. I’ve emailed the lawyer regarding a divorce, but have not set up a meeting. I do know I have to do it. I’ve played it over and over in my head as to which way is the best way to leave. It makes me happy when I think of a future without him. A future where I am free from the chains of addictions. I can then heal. I thought about hanging in there long enough to actually have a thought out plan, but when he drinks I can’t take it. I need out. I don’t think a thought out plan is going to come together soon enough for my sanity. I think I want to leave and let HP let the pieces fall where they may. I just need to get the guts to go.

Why do I feel so much anxiety? I feel joyous of the possibilities for a future where I’m not sucked dry by a demanding alcoholic, but rather am able to explore my own “book of dreams.” I feel scared of the unknown future. I feel worried of a contested divorce. I fear a possibility of losing my credit standings. I worry that I can’t pay my car payments. I worry about the cats. I just have a lot of goop running through my head, and I can’t seem to lower all this anxiety.
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Old 08-15-2013, 06:39 PM
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I think you already made your decision, I think that you are going back and forth in your mind right now. Is the decision right?, how can I do this? type of stuff. It is the thing that keeps you stuck.

Follow what your mind says, not what your heart says.

(((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
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Old 08-15-2013, 06:48 PM
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Sometimes we just need to take a leap of faith. Think about it--worst case scenario. Contested divorce. What would be the worst that could happen? What do you feel you could NOT walk away from? You have no kids together, and he's going to ruin your finances if you stay. Lots of us have walked away from stuff we had a "right" to, legally, for the sake of getting it done.

If your credit rating takes a ding, you can spruce it back up in short order. Sticking around isn't going to protect it.

When I left, I went to a motel for a week to do some planning in peace. Then I stayed with my brother for a week while I found an apartment. Everything fell into place. No disasters.
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Old 08-15-2013, 06:58 PM
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It's like tearing off a bandaid. One big pain all at once
Most of us are so used to things getting gradually worse that a little pain each day seems preferable to a big change. Those who I've known who have made the big change look back and say, how did I put up with that crap day after day?

If you have no kids, and hes not committed to changing, it sounds like your mind is made up. Rip off the band aid.
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Old 08-15-2013, 08:13 PM
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I think DoubleBarrel is right on target.

From my experience, I would say think with your head and do what you think, even while your heart takes you on a seesaw ride. Your head is right.

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Old 08-15-2013, 08:57 PM
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For me a lot of the worries turned out to be just that, worries. When I finally told my XAH I wanted to leave there was no screaming or fight and he agreed with me it was best - I did not expect that. He actually acted amicably (and still is) which I also didn't expect - he was very easy about dividing what was mine versus his and it was fair. It was weird, it all just sort of fell in place. I went through a lot of emotions (sadness, fear of being alone) but my worries just sort of fell off. It was hard actually having him react the way he did because then the emotions of "he doesn't care" came up - but I worked through that (likely it's the disease talking anyway)...plus I can't control his reaction. I guess overall, the universe stepped in once I took my action.

What I like to do is think of the worst case...so one of my worries was the XAH would not pay the rent on the lease I was still on with him...so I thought about it and first of all he has too much pride not to pay and second of all if he didn't pay I would find out from the landlord and make arrangements to pay. That didn't happen but thinking it through like that helped me.

All in all it's step 1: I am powerless over alcohol, I am powerless over the person drinking the alcohol, I am powerless over the people and things surrounding the person drinking the alcohol, I am powerless over the people around that and all people, places and things. Once that really hit me it was a huge relief for me and I realized I could do it.

What happened for me was I decided all of those worst things I worried about, even if they happened, were not as bad as staying in an unhappy marriage.
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