Breathalyzer & Visitation Question

Old 08-15-2013, 07:32 AM
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Breathalyzer & Visitation Question

Hello Everyone,

As always, I am so grateful for this forum and for everyone's input and shared experience. It has been incredibly helpful to me while I extricate myself from my marriage to an angry alcoholic.

We are discussing unsupervised visitation with my (recovering?) alcoholic ex husband. He will need to do a breathalyzer test before and after every visit. We will not have a supervised exchange, so I will need to see the results of the test before the kids (ages 9,5, and 2) go with him.

I know that some of you are in a similar situation. What kind of breathalyzers would you recommend? I've heard of one that takes a picture and emails it to you. That would be a good way to avoid me standing outside his car door window and watching him take the test, while the kids see the whole thing (not a pleasant situation AT ALL).

Also, how often should he take a test--every 12 hours? We are building up to him having every other weekend with the kids. His attorney and mine are both good, on my side (his atty realizes that he is irrational, difficult, etc), and have some info, but you guys are usually more knowledgeable about these things and the various options out there.

Any other suggestions are also appreciated.

Again, so much thanks for your help & wisdom,
B
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Old 08-15-2013, 08:03 AM
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12 hours seems reasonable but technically if he was really determined to drink he could have a glass or two and maybe pass after 3 to 5 hours. It all depends on the person . Look up bac levels and time. I think the rule of thumb is for every glass it takes an hour to sober up but it really comes down to bac timeframe.
Also I want to add that if he uses mouthwash without waiting awhile itll read fail and ive heard a few other things can do it too.
The camera one is a good idea though I think I would do maybe every 6 hours give or take instead of 12.
Having been familiar with breathalyzers. Having young children and an alcoholic co parent 6 sits better with me than 12. Imo

Maybe start with every 6 hours and after a few visits or so work way up to 12 .....
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Old 08-15-2013, 07:18 PM
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I had mine do a breathalyzer before and after visits until we got to overnights, then I came the next morning (didn't ever give him an exact time and purposely wasn't consistent). He failed twice and wouldn't agree to treatment and as a result I have full custody of our son.
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Old 08-16-2013, 10:35 AM
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Thanks 24 years and TLG for your comments.

We are going to use the soberlink breathalyzer. It sends the results, a picture, and gps location to a website real time and will also send an alert if it tests positive.

I am asking that he test every 6 hours.

Not looking forward to "policing" him, but there is no other way to do this. Again, thanks for your help.
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Old 08-20-2013, 09:23 AM
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How is the breathalyzer test working? My ex currently has supervised visitation but is complaining that he no longer needs a supervisor. What prompted you to make the switch from supervised to unsupervised?
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Old 08-22-2013, 11:17 AM
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Hi Bthechange,

I've been separated for 2.5 years from my AH. In January of this year he started using the Soberlink device during his time with the children, which is every Wednesday overnight and every other weekend. This device has forced AH to limit his drinking to nightttime. He blows at 8am, 12 noon, 4pm, and 9pm when he has the kids. I know that he drinks once that final blow takes place at 9pm. But this at least gives me some reassurance that he's not tanked when he's driving them around.

I get text and email messages alerting me of his scheduled time, if he's missed, and the results from his blows. I also suggest that you contact your Soberlink provider and ask them to set up an online account for you, this way you can log in and check all of the results. I've found that one glitch with Soberlink is that on occasion, he has blown a positive test, and I didn't always get that alert in a timely way.

Our custody agreement stipulates that if he blows positive (only acceptable BAC is .000), or misses a test, I am to pick up the children immediately.

A few months ago, I learned that my AH had purchased a second breathalyzer device. He was clearly interested in "gaming" the Soberlink tests, ie, to see how much and how long he could drink past 9pm and still blow clean at 8am the next morning. Alcoholics are incredibly cunning and this is just one example of that. Best of luck to you.
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Old 08-25-2013, 11:06 AM
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I just saw this string and wanted to impart a little information from my experiences with Soberlink. This was a GOD send for a while for me. My ex did great during the visits while on it.

I was even able to let him have the boys for an entire week with no issues. Boys had the best visit they ever had with him. It was wonderful.

Ok now for the backlash. We had a court date the Monday after the week long visit. His side said that he proved there was no drinking issue and the soberlink was removed. He had the boys for another visit the next weekend. Well apparently he had been on a week long binge (he is on medical leave) for that entire week and drank all during his visit with the boys. They had the scariest visit with him they ever had. By Sunday when I came to pick the boys up he was passed out and my 10 and 5 year old had to wake him up to come meet me. He then tried to use his large truck to intimidate me, my Mom and the boys as I tried to leave. Basically he went nuts.

Moral of the story is, Soberlink can be wonderful. It gave me a couple months of worry free visits. The backlash from my XAH, that includes the FU, I will do what I want, when I want, that came when he did not have to use it anymore was horrible. Needless to say he has had to have only supervised visits since then. So the experience was bad, because it was so scary for my kids but good because now the courts can see he does have a problem. As my therapist and lawyer keep saying sometimes you need to let them have enough rope to hang themselves.

I wish you luck and only the positive working with this device. My XAH is more extreme than most A's I think (I think he has PTSD and a few other issues), so you may not have any negatives but I just want to make others aware that you cannot force the use of the device forever and just really pay attention that first week or two they are off of it.

4MyBoys
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